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Welcome to the Muppet Show Fan Club

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Fanclubrecord
Songs from The Muppet Show
Released 1977
Format 33 1/3 RPM soundsheet
Label Eva-Tone Soundsheets
Cat no. 1025771X

"Welcome to the Muppet Show Fan Club" is a soundsheet recorded by the cast of The Muppet Show in 1977 as part of the membership kit for the Muppet Show Fan Club. The soundsheet plays on a standard record player, at 33 1/3 RPM.

The record consists of a three-minute sketch including a welcome from the cast, "The Muppet Show Theme", and closing commentary from Statler and Waldorf. The recording has never been released commercially, and was only available to Fan Club members.

Transcript

Opening drumroll
Kermit the Frog Hello there, and welcome to The Muppet Show Fan Club!
Fozzie Bear Hello, everybody!
The Muppets all try to speak at once, greeting the new Fan Club member. The noise settles down into "The Muppet Show Theme" (2nd season version), which ends with Gonzo attempting to blow his trumpet.
Gonzo Honk! Toot!
Kermit Uh, Gonzo, what happened to your trumpet?
Gonzo I ate it!
Kermit Of course. Uh, hello out there, everybody, and, uh, welcome to The Muppet Show Fan Club!
Fozzie Hi, this is Fozzie Bear!
Kermit And this is Kermit the Frog!
Fozzie Yeah, this is the bear with the snappy patter and the funny hat! Or is it the funny patter and the snappy hat?
Kermit Uh, something like that.
Fozzie Oh, gee, I forgot!
Kermit Whatever! Anyhow, a bunch of us have gathered here to say hello to you all, and to thank you for writing in and joining our fan club!
Miss Piggy Hello, Kermie!
Kermit Uh, hello, Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy May I say something to the members of the Miss Piggy Fan Club?
Kermit Uh, well, this isn't the Miss Piggy Fan Club. This is the Muppet Show Fan Club.
Miss Piggy Mmm-hmm, whatever. I love each and every one of you adoring fans. Not quite as much as you love me!
Scooter Excuse me, Kermit? Uh, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem are waiting outside. They'd like to come in and say hello to the Fan Club!
Kermit Oh, sure! Send them in!
Scooter Come on in, guys!
Floyd Pepper Oh, yeah, heyyy! Could be, could be, bop could be, what it is, babies!
Dr. Teeth Hey, yeah, this is Dr. Teeth! I hope y'all all gonna buy a lot of my records!
Janice Oh, really! Really! You know, like, I've joined many fan clubs, but this is the first time a fan club ever joined me! Wowwww!
Dr. Teeth Yeah!
Zoot Oh, really, this is Zoot! "B-natural"!
Floyd and Dr. Teeth chuckle.
Animal FAN CLUB! FAN CLUB! FAN CLUB!
Kermit Okay...
Floyd Whoa, Animal...
Kermit Uh, could somebody get Animal out of here...
Sam the Eagle Kermit, what are these people doing here?
Kermit Uh, well, the, uh --
Floyd Let's split, it's the eagle.
Sam Get away from me!
Kermit Uh, yeah.
Sam Don't touch me! I would like to speak to someone about these weird, sick people in this show!
Kermit Uh, well, this is, uh, this is the cast of our --
Gonzo Sam! Sam! Lookit! Lookit! I wanna show you something! Look at these chickens! I glued 'em together!
A chorus of glued-together chickens start clucking, somewhat musically.
Sam Will you get these things away from me, you geek?! I don't want these chickens here, Kermit! Kermit, did you hear me?
Kermit Uh, yeah, well, okay, well, can we get the chickens out of here?
Dr. Teeth Hey, yeah, we'll bring in the monsters! The monsters will take the chickens out...
Sam No, no, no, no, no!
The usual chaos ensues, until it settles down and we hear the closing theme, which of course ends with...
Waldorf Well, what do you think of this Muppet Show Fan Club, Statler? Shall we join?
Statler Why, are we coming apart?
Both Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
The theme finishes with a blast from Zoot's sax.
THE END

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