Intro

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A scene from the beginning of The Muppet Movie is played, in which Kermit meets an agent who tells him he could make millions of people happy.
Fade to an opening montage of aerial shots of Hollywood, followed by a crowd of paparazzi and fans outside the Cocoanut Grove.
Gary (VO) Ladies and gentlemen, this is Hollywood, California. And this is the historic Cocoanut Grove. No place on earth more completely symbolizes the glitter and glamor of the entertainment world. And here tonight, history will be made again, for a party is being held to celebrate the meteoric rise of one small frog — a frog who started life in a common swamp and went on to become the world's only green superstar in his first motion picture, The Muppet Movie. The celebrities of the world are gathering here, drawn as if by magnets to this stupendous event, for tonight, we will see the unimaginable! Ladies and gentlemen … The Muppets Go Hollywood!
Title.gohollywood
Pan over to a marquee with the title. Another montage plays of celebrities walking down the red carpet, including Candice Bergen and Vincent Price, over an instrumental of "Hooray for Hollywood". Cut to the main guest stars as they are announced, followed by more stars on the red carpet.
Gary (VO) The Muppets Go Hollywood, with guest stars Dick Van Dyke, and Rita Moreno. Special guest star, Johnny Mathis, with Peter Matz and his orchestra. A host of Hollywood's greatest stars … and yours truly, Gary Owens.
The montage ends with another aerial shot of the Grove, followed by the title.
MGH-1

The Red Carpet

Zoom out on the marquee with the title.
Gary (VO) Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Dick Van Dyke!
Applause. Dick stands on the red carpet.
MGH-2
Dick Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome again to the world famous Cocoanut Grove in Hollywood. Tonight may well be the social event of the season, as the Muppets go Hollywood. Certainly this is the first party in history ever hosted by a frog. I'll be acting as your tour guide along tonight, with a very very lovely and talented friend …
Switch to Rita amongst a Bossmen and a Gawky Bird, greeting a passing Jim Henson.
Dick … who, even now, is upstairs at the celebrity lounge just outside the ballroom. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Rita Moreno.
Rita Thank you, Dick. Here, in this very lounge, we're going to be chatting with some of Hollywood's most glittering celebrities. It's bound to be a night of elegance, dignity, culture —
MGH-3
Sweetums Pardon me!
He shoves her. Fletcher Bird follows him. Back to Dick.
Dick There seems to be some excitement over there. Let's go and see what's happening.
Gary (VO) Ladies and gentlemen, the Muppets are beginning to arrive! It's Statler and Waldorf!
The old geezers pull up in an antique town car.
Waldorf Is this the place for the Muppet party?
Dick You bet!
They look at each other, then address the driver.
Statler & Waldorf Drive on!
The car drives away, leaving Dick confused.
Gary (VO) And here comes Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem!
They pull up in a black stretch limo.
Dick Hey, guys, pull over here.
Floyd No, we're going up the block. It's cheaper to park. (laughs)
They drive away. Animal hangs out of the trunk. Another town car pulls up and gets lots of attention.
Gary (VO) Well, here she is, ladies and gentlemen, the superstar these fans have been waiting for — Hollywood's greater glamor queen — Miss Piggy!
MGH-4
Miss Piggy Kissy-kissy! Kissy-kissy! Yes, kissy-kissy! Yes! Oh! Thank you! Kissy-kissy! Kissy — oh, Riçhard, hello, dear! Kiss? Kiss?
Dick Mmmmwah!
Cut to Rita.
Rita Well, I don't have to introduce this lady, do I? Cheryl Ladd. Cheryl, my husband has a request …
Cheryl Uh-oh.
Rita … your phone number and your home address.
Cheryl (laughs) I had a feeling it was something like that.
Rita You think I'm kidding?
Cheryl You're a terrible person. (laughs)
Rita You think I'm kidding? It's a —
Cheryl shrieks, then sees Animal behind her and walks away.
Cheryl I've had it! I'm getting out of here. (laughs)
Rita Animal! Animal — (grabs his nose) Listen — that is enough. Stop chasing women!
Gary (VO) Here come the last of our guests. The very talented, and very late, Dom Deluise! Graceful, as always. Carl Reiner, looking very confused. The very adorable Mel Brooks, with his lovely and talented wife, Anne Bancroft.
Switch back to Rita, now with Liberace.
Rita Well, one of the master showmen of them all, of course, Liberace. How are you?
Liberace I'm just fine. I'm so happy to see you and be a part of this exciting evening.
Meanwhile, Animal chases after three women. Liberace giggles at this sight.
Rita Who's your favorite character in The Muppet Show?
Liberace Well, I think Rowlf, 'cause he plays the piano. Yes.
Rita Good for you. And you're going to see him playing some piano tonight.
Liberace Oh, he's my competition.
Rita You better watch out.
Liberace He plays like a dog, but I love him.
Rita (laughs) And on that note, we'll go back to you, Dick.

Kermit and Fozzie arrive

Switch back to Dick.
Dick Thank you, Rita. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the guests for tonight's party are all here, which is more than you can say for the host.
Gary Ladies and gentlemen, Kermit the Frog! … Here he comes now!
Applause as Kermit and Fozzie pull up in a black Studebaker. Fozzie rams into the car in front of him. A chauffeur lets them out, and they walk down the red carpet.
MGH-5
Bystander Hey, look — it's really Kermit the Frog! — And look who's with him! Uh — uh — what's his name, uh, the — dog that plays the piano?
Fozzie No, no, no, I'm what's his name, the bear who tells the jokes.
Kermit Uh, okay, let's go, Fozzie.
Fozzie Yes, sir. I'll be glad to. Hey, wait, hold it, hold it — (stops)
Kermit What?
MGH-6
Fozzie Uh, hey, folks — I just love the movies. Yesterday I saw a movie so bad, the popcorn walked out!
The crowd boos. Fozzie facepalms.
Fozzie Just — just think of me as the dog who plays piano.
Kermit walks up to Dick.
Dick And so, ladies and gentlemen, with the arrival of our host, the party can begin.
Kermit Uh, well, I-I'm ready, Dick.
Dick You know, Kermit, I think you should explain just why you're holding this party.
Kermit Oh, I don't know, uh, we - we finally arrived in Hollywood, so I thought it'd be nice to uh, have a little party.
MGH-7
Dick Little? Little? In all my years in Hollywood, I have never seen anything like this! I mean, the glamor, and the excitement!
Kermit Oh, I was afraid of that. I guess we went overboard, huh?
Dick What — no, no, I think it's terrific.
Kermit Well, I mean, after all, I'm just a frog, and I — I don't want it to look like I'm putting on airs. I - I'd better get inside, there.
Dick Yes, good, I'll see you in there, Kermit.
Kermit Uh, you know, I thought we should have held this in a bowling alley. It's more informal. Let's go, Fozzie!
Fozzie Hoo boy — you people have to trust me! When I tell a joke, you laugh! I'll explain them later! Hi, Dick, how are ya?
Dick Hi, Foz! (chuckles) Now it's time to get the party started. Rita's already gone into the ballroom, so we'll pass things over to her. Rita, take it away.

"Hooray for Hollywood"

Switch to the ballroom, with candid shots of stars sitting at tables.
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Rita I am here, Dick. And it is absolutely breathtaking. The entire interior of the Cocoanut Grove has been remodeled for this very evening. And of course, like a platinum setting for a fine piece of jewelry, all of this exists to set off the real jewels of this evening: the beautiful, talented stars here tonight.
MGH-11
Statler Well, they say this is a very "in" party.
Waldorf Why do they say that?
Statler Because they won't let us out!
They chuckle. A drumroll sounds, and Kermit appears at a podium. Applause.
MGH-10
Kermit Uh, good evening! Good evening! Uh, thank you very much, uh, ladies and gentlemen, uh, friends, celebrities, and relatives. Uh, yes, thank you. … And welcome to the Muppet party. Uh, we think we're gonna have a really great one, and we're gonna to start things off — and I do hope we get it right — we're gonna start things off with the Muppet monsters!
MGH-12 Bigmamadress
The podium is wheeled away. The Muppet Monsters (consisting of Sweetums, Doglion, Timmy Monster, Mean Mama, and The Mutations) sing and dance in a production number of "Hooray for Hollywood".

The party / Miss Piggy's interview

MGH-13
Guests dance on the dance floor as "He's the Greatest Dancer" plays. Sam the Eagle makes his way through the crowd, looks around, and facepalms. As other stars sit at tables, Animal bites another woman. Switch to Rita interviewing Robert Stack.
MGH-14
Rita Bob, I just overheard you saying something about Miss Piggy's inaccessibility. What was that?
Robert Stack I'm a little hurt, because I'm her biggest fan, and I think she has more latent sex than anyone since Jean Harlow, and I think the least she can do for all of us who love her, is to show up once in awhile and make it.
Rita Well, Robert, as a matter of fact, the woman is inaccessible. I mean, you know where I had to go to interview her? Yesterday, I had to go poolside at the hotel …
Fade to a hotel pool. Piggy relaxes in a chaise lounge wearing a towel, dictating to an assistant.
Miss Piggy So, uh, let's just end this by saying, um, "we must have lunch sometime" …
Rita (VO) M— Miss Piggy, excuse me? Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy Oh! Oh, Rita, dear. I'm just trying to catch up on my correspondence. I have been trés, trés busy. Uh — we shall do that later, Madeline.
Madeline Uh, yes, Miss Piggy, do you just want to finish this one?
Miss Piggy Uh, yes, um, let's see — "have lunch sometime", uh, "Best to Rosalyn and Amy, kissy-kissy", etcetera etcetera.
Concierge (offscreen) Call for Miss Piggy.
MGH-15
Miss Piggy Oh, uh — Madeline, I should just take the important calls. I must chat with Rita.
Madeline Yes, Miss Piggy. (leaves)
Rita (VO) Aww, that's really awfully nice of you, Miss Piggy. I know how busy you must be.
Madeline Excuse me — um, it's from Sinatra.
Miss Piggy Oh! Oh, no. Well, tell him I am busy.
Madeline Yes, Miss Piggy. (leaves)
Miss Piggy (to Rita) He wants to do an album with me, and I just do not have the time.
Rita (VO) Wow. Do you know what I would do to make an album with Sinatra?
Miss Piggy I think so. Now, uh, what shall we talk about?
MGH-16
Scooter Excuse me, Miss Piggy, I need some more dimes for the phone.
Miss Piggy Uh, Scooter, heh-heh, I'm busy. Forget the phone, just run along, heh.
Scooter But I just got up to Sinatra.
Miss Piggy Uh, Scooter —
Scooter And there's still Robert Redford and Paul Newman left on your list.
Miss Piggy Will you cool it?
Scooter Yeah, but if I don't get back to the phone, someone else'll use it.
Miss Piggy SHUT UP!!
Scooter runs away. Piggy poses for the camera.

Dick and Sam

Switch back to the party. Dick finds Sam at a table, holding a book.
Dick Sam, what do you think of the party?
Sam the Eagle Well, it is disgusting. Nothing but a bunch of shallow, superficial, depraved people.
Dick Well, if you feel that way, why are you here?
Sam the Eagle (discreetly) To observe their weird behavior.
Dick Oh, I see, and you're taking notes, too.
Sam the Eagle (holds back his book) — Uh, ye-yes, I may publish an exposé.
Dick May I see them?
Sam the Eagle Uh, no, no, it's uh, private, sir.
MGH-17
Dick grabs the book and looks through it.
Sam the Eagle No, no, please — no, no —
Dick Oh, come on, Sam, I'm not going to tell anybody — just let me have a look … Rudy Vallee. Gary Owens. Wait a minute, these are aut — you're collecting autographs!
Sam the Eagle Have you seen Walter Pidgeon? He's my favorite.
Dick No, I don't think Walter's here tonight. Would you like to have my autograph? (reaches for a pen)
Sam the Eagle Maybe. Who are you?
Dick hands the book back to Sam.

The kitchen

Switch to Kermit at a table. Fozzie approaches him.
Fozzie Hey, Kermit, Kermit, Kermit — hey, Scooter wants to see you in the kitchen real bad.
Kermit Oh. Okay.
Kermit makes his way to the kitchen, while Fozzie stays behind and eats Kermit's banana.
Kermit Scooter? Scooter? Oh, hi, guys.
Scooter Oh, boss!
Kermit What's the trouble?
Scooter I don't think it was such a good idea having the Swedish Chef serve meatballs.
Kermit How come?
MGH-18 MGH-19
Scooter Well, look at the way he's serving 'em!
Kermit (gasp)
The Chef bats them with a tennis racket.

Chinese Theater

Peter Matz and His Orchestra play "How High the Moon." Rita dances with Floyd.
Rita Hey, uh, Floyd, tell me something. How would, you say that you guys have adjusted to life in Hollywood?
MGH-20
Floyd Ha ha — oh, fear not, my sweet flower. The Muppets are happily harbored in Hollywood. I mean, we dig the beat of Beverly Hills, and the soul of Santa Monica. We groove with Gardena, swing with Cienega, and satisfactionate with Sepulveda. Ours is an amorosity with the City of Angels.
Rita Uh — does that mean you like it here?
Floyd Ummm - it's okay, mama.
Rita (laughs) Oh, you're such a smooth talker, Floyd.
Floyd (laughs)
Zoot plays a solo on the saxophone as Liberace watches. Meanwhile, Statler and Waldorf see a woman in a green dress walk by.
Statler & Waldorf Hubba hubba!
The band finishes playing. Applause. Dick sits with Phyllis Diller.
MGH-21
Dick Phyllis, weren't you actually one of the first women to do a stand-up nightclub act?
Phyllis I — I guess maybe I was.
Dick I've always done comedy, but I've never done a standup act in my life.
Phyllis Well, I saw you work alone once.
Dick I was about like Fozzie. You know, I interviewed him — the other day, I found him standing on Hollywood Boulevard …
Fade to the Chinese Theater. Fozzie grunts, while carrying a cement bag.
Dick (cont'd) … in front of the world famous Chinese Theater, where some of the greatest Hollywood comedians have their footprints in the cement here.
Fozzie (grunts)
Dick Hello, Fozzie!
Fozzie Oh! Uh, hi, Dick.
Dick What's in the bag?
MGH-22
Fozzie Uh — uh, bag? What bag? Oh! Uh, heh … (grunts) … lunch. Yeah, lunch.
Dick Fozzie, that's Quik-Mix cement.
Fozzie Uh … oh, so it is. Heh. (sets it down) I thought it was a bit heavy for my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Dick Fozzie, you weren't — ?
Fozzie (facepalms) Oh! Dick, I was! I'm sorry. I know it's crazy, but you see, my dream is — is to be here, with all the Hollywood comedian greats, you know, have my paw print right here with them, like, like — with Abbot and Costello! And uh, the Marx Brothers, and uh, oh, look, the Ritz Brothers! Oh. Oh, boy. If only I could be recognized any time.
Stranger Wait a minute. Don't I know you?
Fozzie What?
Stranger No, don't tell me — don't tell me. You're the bear. Are you?
Fozzie Yeah!
MGH-23
Stranger Oh, this is fantastic! You're terrific. You're just great!
Dick Excuse me. Do you know this bear?
Stranger Know him? I've been a fan of this guy's for years!
Fozzie Yeah, a fan! Haha!
Stranger This guy's a big influence on me.
Fozzie Yeah!
Stranger I just wanna tell you, because of you …
Fozzie Yeah?
Stranger … I am one guy who will never start a forest fire. Thanks a lot.
He shakes hands with Fozzie and departs. Fozzie facepalms and sighs.

"Baby Face"

Back to the Grove.
Statler This is positively the last Hollywood party I'll ever go to!
Waldorf Oh yeah? What about Raquel Welch's party tomorrow night?
Statler What time do you want me to pick you up? (laughs)
Waldorf (laughs) I didn't think you were …
A drumroll sounds.
MGH-24
Gary Ladies and gentlemen, never in the history of the Cocoanut Grove, has there ever been an event like this. The newest of Hollywood's sex symbols is here with us tonight. May I present, the most beautiful pig in the world — Miss Piggy!
Miss Piggy arrives on a chaise carried by four bronzed bodybuilders, to the strains of "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World".
MGH-25 MGH-26
Miss Piggy Kissy-kissy! Kissy-kissy! Yes, I love you all. Aww. Yes, thank you.
Babyface MGH-27
They set her down, and she proceeds to sing "Baby Face" backed by the pigs.
Miss Piggy Kissy-kissy! Thank you, thank you. All right, meat, let's move it!
The strongmen carry her away.

"Never Before, Never Again"

Rowlf plays a piano vamp.
Rowlf Good evening. My name is Rowlf, and I'm the dog who plays the piano.
Applause.
Rowlf Thank you. Thank you. And it is my great pleasure to introduce to you one of the world's greatest recording stars and entertainers, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Johnny Mathis!
Applause as Johnny comes out and takes the mic.
Johnny Thank you, Rowlf. Thank you very much.
Johnnymathis
Rowlf Oh, you're welcome. Hey, listen, I'm gonna play a little song here, which you're gonna sing. And uh, would you like to tell the audience a little bit about it?
Johnny All right. It comes at a very poignant moment in The Muppet Movie
Rowlf Mm-hm.
Johnny … where Miss Piggy first sets eyes on Kermit …
Rowlf Right.
Johnny … falls in love … and she sings, "Never Before and Never Again". (the audience laughs)
Rowlf Shall we begin?
Johnny Let's do it.
MGH-28 TheMuppetsGoHollywood-K&P-Kiss
Rowlf plays, and Johnny sings "Never Before, Never Again", accompanied by clips from the movie. Kermit and Piggy sit at a table, watching. Piggy gives Kermit a few soft kissy-kissys. The song ends. Applause.
Rowlf All right. Hey, that was nice. Great.
Waldorf Waiter!
Statler Oh, waiter?
Waldorf Waiter?
Statler Waiter! … Uh, waiter?
Waldorf Waiter?
Statler Aw, he'll never come over.
Waldorf Well, you can't get a waiter around here. If that waiter doesn't come by, I'm gonna give him the evil eye.
Statler Oh, do it! Do it!
Waldorf Give him the evil eye?
Statler Yes!
Waldorf Okay, here goes.
MGH-29
Waldorf gives the "evil eye", and the waiter trips and falls. They laugh.
Statler Works every time!
Waldorf Works every time.


Clips from The Muppet Movie

Rita sits at a table with Piggy.
Rita Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy Oh, yes?
Rita I cannot wait to see you in that Muppet movie.
Miss Piggy Oh, thank you, Rita, dear. But you don't have to wait!
Rita I don't?
Miss Piggy No. I am going to show a film clip right now of one of my favorite scenes.
MGH-30
Kermit Uh, excuse me, Miss Piggy, uh, but we can't show any film, 'cause we're just here to have a party.
Miss Piggy Kermie, dearest —
Kermit Yeah?
Miss Piggy — it is a very tender, moving moment.
Kermit Yeah, but uh …
Miss Piggy So shut up and watch! Ahem. Roll film.
A clip is shown, in which a sarcastic waiter (Steve Martin) serves Kermit and Piggy at a restaurant. An excerpt of "Movin' Right Along" is then shown.


Small talk / "Can You Picture That"

The guests dance to slow music in the ballroom. Dick sits at Kermit and Piggy's table.
Miss Piggy Hello! Yes, good to see you, too. Mwah! Mwah!
Dick Miss Piggy, where are you staying in Hollywood? Here at the Ambassador's? The Bel-Air? Beverly Wilshire?
Miss Piggy Uh, well, um… Hello! Hello —
Kermit Uh, we're, we're all at the Bide-a-Wee Motor Court, Dick.
Miss Piggy Kermit!
MGH-31
Dick The Bide-a-Wee Motor Court?
Kermit Yeah, it's in downtown San Pedro.
Miss Piggy Uh — it's trés distingue, Ricardo. An emerging chic, if you know what I mean. Uh, I am in the presidential suite.
Kermit Oh, Piggy, you are not. No. You see, we stay there because they give us a good rate, and besides, we have to be somewhere that allows livestock. (giggles)
Dick (laughs)
Piggy laughs along with them, then karate-chops them both.
MGH-32
On stage, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem perform "Can You Picture That", minus the third verse.

"Boogie Motion"

As "Boogie Motion" plays, Piggy dances and poses for pictures with Raquel Welch, Cheryl Ladd and Charlene Tilton. Meanwhile, Janice dances with Levar Burton. Piggy is then seen dancing with Charles Durning. Christopher Reeve approaches them.
MGH-33
Miss Piggy Oh, Christopher, not now, please! Bug off!
Christopher walks away. Other Muppets are seen dancing, including Floyd, Gonzo, Link, Animal and Fozzie. Rita asks to dance with Fozzie, but he turns her down. Rita instead dances with Kermit, but Fozzie pops up in between them. Piggy dances wildly with Christopher. Meanwhile, Statler and Waldorf are still at their table.
Waldorf Anybody you know here?
Statler (looks around) … Nah.
Waldorf Ehh.
Statler (looks around) … Anybody famous?
Waldorf (shakes head) Mm-mm.
Statler Nope. Nope.
Waldorf Nope.
The dancing continues. Fade to black.

"You Ought to Be in Pictures"

As couples slow-dance, Dick talks to Piggy.
Dick Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy Yes?
Dick (raises wineglass) Here's to you.
MGH-34
Miss Piggy Oh, Riçhard, how sweet.
Dick You know, you really are my kind of a woman.
Miss Piggy Oh, silly boy, I'm everyone's kind of woman. (sigh)
Dick You know, there's just something about you — you really belong in this town. I mean —

You ought to be in pictures.

Miss Piggy Oh? Moi?
Dick You're wonderful to see.
Miss Piggy Oh, Riçhard
Dick You ought to be in pictures.
Miss Piggy Yes?
Dick Ah, what a hit you would be.
Miss Piggy Yes!
Dick Your voice would thrill a nation.
Miss Piggy Ohh — (hits high note)
Dick Your face would be adored.
Miss Piggy Yes.
Dick You'd make a great sensation.
Miss Piggy Really?
Dick With fame and wealth your reward.
Miss Piggy Ooh!
Dick Would you care to dance, Miss Piggy?
Miss Piggy Oh, I'd love to.
Dick Oh, I'd be thrilled.
They get up and dance.
Miss Piggy Oh, what a gentleman.
Dick Oh, you're a wonderful dancer, Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy Yes, I know.
Dick And you look so divine tonight. You know, you really should be in pictures.
MGH-35 MGH-36
Fade to a brief montage of photos of Piggy in various outfits, including Cleopatra, Lady Liberty and Fay Wray. Back on the dance floor, Dick swings and twirls Piggy.
Dick You ought to be in pictures.
Miss Piggy Awww.
Dick You're wonderful to see.
Miss Piggy Oh, Riçhard

I ought to be in pictures.

Dick My star …
Miss Piggy Your star?
Dick My star …
Miss Piggy Oh, Riçhard
Dick My star …
Both Of song!
She showers him with kissy-kissys. He laughs, then kisses her on the snout.

"The Rainbow Connection"

Rita sits at her table, when a feisty Animal passes her.
Rita Animal, Animal, wait, wait — wait a minute. Listen to me. You must stop chasing after all these women.
Animal Women …
Rita Yes, women!
Animal (looks at her) … WOMAN!! (starts ravaging her)
MGH-37
Rita Wait a minute! Don't you touch me, you savage! (shrieks)
Animal Woman! Aahh!
Meanwhile, Dick sits at another table and talks to Jim Henson.
Dick Jim, although you are — primarily the man behind this, it seems that most of the guests here tonight seem to know you personally. Have most of them been on The Muppet Show?
Jim van dyke
Jim Well, yes, we've had 72 guest stars so far. We've done three seasons of The Muppet Show so far.
Dick You know, in the small piece of the — of the picture we saw a little earlier, Jim, I was impressed with the music. The score seems beautiful.
Jim Yeah, that was Paul Williams and Kenny Ascher. They did a gorgeous soundtrack for it.
Fade to a scene of Paul and Kenny in a recording studio by a piano. Kenny plays the opening strains of "The Rainbow Connection".
Paul You know, when Kenny and I started writing songs for The Muppet Movie … we talked about one other movie that we both loved. That movie was Pinocchio. And if you remember, at the beginning of Pinocchio, Jiminy Cricket sang a beautiful song … "When You Wish Upon a Star". And it — it really set the mood for the whole picture. We love Kermit the Frog just like everybody else does, so we wanted to write something very — very special for Kermit.
MGH-38
Kenny The next thing was coming up with a title. And we had a bit of a hard time. Uh, we kept coming up with titles that almost fit what we wanted to say, until a friend of yours, uh …
Paul — helped us out a little, really. We'd written almost the whole song. But we didn't have that payoff line which we knew would be the title. And uh, we were frustrated, frankly. And a lady that I know very well, said, uh, "What's the problem? You're — you're having difficulty finding that — that 'rainbow' connection between, uh, people and their dreams?" And we said, "a rainbow connection — " we raced into the — into the, uh, studio, and wrote this song. For Kermit.
Paul and Kenny play and sing the song, which fades into the clip from the movie.

"I, Yi, Yi, Yi, Yi"

Waldorf Hey. When do you think's a good time to leave this party?
Statler About an hour ago.
They laugh.
Waldorf "An hour ago"!
Statler "An hour ago"!
Switch to Dick.
MGH-39
Dick We're sitting at Peter Falk's table, uh, for a moment. Peter, can you imagine what this place must have been like in the thirties?
Peter No, I can't. Uh, I don't have the vaguest idea. (laughs) I guess it must've been like it is today.
Dick Are you interested in that, uh — hi, Foz.
Fozzie Hey, listen, guys! How's the food, Peter?
Peter Oh, well, that's what you should've asked me about — the food. You know, the food was terrific —
Fozzie Terrific!
Peter Yeah.
Fozzie You're looking great. Dick, keep it up. I gotta go. (leaves)
Dick That's nice, Foz. The reception is going beautifully. (laughs) Well, the reason I asked that is that Rita Moreno has a special musical number coming up. I think it's the type of production number they probably did, you know, back when the Cocoanut Grove was the swingin'est place in Hollywood.
A drumroll sounds.
Gary Ladies and gentlemen, miss Rita Moreno!
MGH-40 MGH-41
Rita does a Carmen Miranda dance routine while singing "I, Yi, Yi, Yi, Yi (I Like You Very Much)", backed (and mistreated) by The Mutations.
Applause.
Rita Will you join all of us, in a CONGA LINE?
The orchestra begins playing, and Rita leads the entire party in a conga line, which heads out the door.


Closing

Much later, the entire Grove is deserted, except for the Muppets, Rita and Dick. Rowlf sits at the piano and plays.
Dick Well, Kermit, the party's over.
Kermit Yep. You know, it'd still be in full swing if it weren't for that conga line.
Dick It's hard to stop a conga line. They were still going strong when we left 'em.
Rita Yeah, I figure by tomorrow morning they'll be halfway to Tijuana.
Kermit Well, anyway, I'd like to thank you two for helping us host the party.
Rita and Dick get up to leave.
Dick Oh, it was our pleasure.
MGH-42
Rita We loved it! Good night, gorgeous.
Miss Piggy Oh, Rita, dear.
Kermit Uh. Good night, now.
Dick Miss Piggy, the thrill of a lifetime. (kisses her hand)
Miss Piggy Oh, Ricardo, thank you. Oh, how sweet. Kermie …
Kermit Yeah.
Miss Piggy Oh, what a wonderful evening this has been.
Kermit Hmm. You know, it's kind of amazing. Just a little while ago, this whole room was filled with Hollywood's most important, talented, glittering, brilliant, beautiful people.
Miss Piggy Mm-hm, it's nice to have spent an evening with my equals.
Kermit Uh —
Gonzo Kermit, are we really stars?
Kermit Well, close enough.
Rowlf plays a gentle vamp.
Rowlf

Hooray for Hollywood.
That happy, scrappy, zappy Hollywood.

Fozzie Where every funny bear …
Kermit Or eager frog …
Scooter Or thing …
Rowlf Or dog …
Floyd … are stars livin' high on the hog …
Gonzo Where every chicken sets cameras clickin' …
Swedish Chef (sings in mock Swedish)
Muppets

Hooray for Hollywood.
Where you're terrific even if you're good.

Miss Piggy

Where any humble pig with grace and glamor
Can make them clamor…

Kermit And everyone loves a ham.
MGH-43
Muppets

Now that we all came west,
We're going to try our best.
Hooray for Hollywood.

Miss Piggy Well. Oh, Kermie, my love, it's been a wonderful evening. Thank you.
Kermit Oh, well, uh, you're welcome, Miss Piggy. Uh, now, guys, uh, let's get this place cleaned up, huh?
Miss Piggy What?
Kermit Oh, well, sure, you see, they said we could save money if we cleaned up after the party ourselves.
Miss Piggy WHAT??
Kermit Sure. Now, why don't you mop, Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy MOP??
The Muppets disperse.
Kermit Yeah. Fozzie, you can pick up the — the tables over there …
Miss Piggy MOP??
Kermit Okay, Floyd, dust up the place, alright?
Miss Piggy Mop?? Are you out of your mind??
Gonzo What about me?
The credits roll.
Kermit Well, you don't have to uh …
Miss Piggy Moi, mop? Are you crazy?
Kermit Well, I mean, uh, listen …
Miss Piggy I'm a superstar!
Kermit … yeah, but uh, well, it doesn't hurt you to do a little bit of cleaning once in awhile.
Miss Piggy Hurt? I'll show you hurt, fella!
Kermit Will you guys clean up that place already?
Miss Piggy Clean up?? My Rolls is waiting!
Kermit I'll wash and you dry …
MGH-44 MGH-45
The Muppets clean up as the credits continue. Gonzo holds a trash can lid open as Fozzie empties a wastebasket.
Fozzie Boy, Gonzo. I just love being a star.
Gonzo closes the lid and the screen goes black.
FROM ITC