The Jimmy Dean Show: Episode 313

The Jimmy Dean Show

Air Date	December 17, 1965
Guests	Kay Starr, Joe Maphis, Bobby Rydell, Cliff Arquette, Lassie, Phil Harris
Streaming	RFD-TV Country Club

Lassie makes a return visit, and Jimmy Dean says Rowlf is "shaking like three pounds of raw liver." Rowlf himself tells the audience he's perfectly calm, but he utters a startled "Mary Poppins!" when Jimmy enters. Jimmy tries to reassure his buddy that Lassie loves him. Rowlf's not as sure, but he thought of a way to show he really loves her and maybe she'll marry him. He promptly pulls out a gun, although he assures Jimmy it's the "Roy Rogers without his horse model" (no Trigger).

Rowlf's plan is to hold the gun to his head and say, "Lassie, marry me or I'll shoot myself." Jimmy assumes the plan is to get sympathy when he's bandaged in the hospital. Rowlf explains the idea is to have Jimmy hide behind a nearby prop fence and, when he hears Rowlf's desperate statement, come out and say "Stop, don't shoot!" They rehearse it, but first Jimmy takes too long: "I was waiting for the shot." The next take, Jimmy comes out on time but says "Shoot, don't stop!" They try again, and this time Jimmy rushes it out so it's incomprehensible. Rowlf tells him to say "Stop, don't shoot" slowly. Jimmy's response: "Stop, don't shoot slowly." They try one more time, and this time Jimmy stretches it out so long, "By the time you got that out, I could have been dead and buried and Lassie could have been married to Rin Tin Tin!"

Jimmy takes the gun from Rowlf: "Oh, you're gonna shoot *yourself*. That's the first thing you're doing right." Jimmy tells Rowlf to just relax and be himself when they hear a bark. It's Lassie, and Rowlf announces her arrival by starting the Miss America theme. While Rowlf grooms himself, Jimmy introduces "the most valuable fur coat in Hollywood: Lassie." Lassie enters, carrying a gift basket in her mouth, and sits on the bench. Rowlf admires her features: "Eat your heart out, Ann-Margret!" Jimmy tries to hand Rowlf the basket, but Lassie seems to have eaten the contents: "She's a doll. She's also an Indian giver." Rowlf finally gets to his usual "Ah, Lassie" metaphor: "In the lasagna of life, you have marinated my mozzarella."

Jimmy urges Rowlf to go ahead and pop the question: "Sweetheart darling, will you marry me?" Lassie takes a bit to respond (Jimmy tells her "He's talking to you") but finally barks. Rowlf asks what she said ("You're asking me? You're the dog!") He asks her to repeat the answer, which comes with subtitles this time: "Coax me!" Jimmy leaves the lovebirds alone, and Rowlf asks to hold Lassie's paw (to audible audience "awww"s). Rowlf knows she's accustomed to luxury and he can just offer her a humble little cottage, but while he's saying that, Lassie's attention has strayed and she seems to be yawning: "I'm not boring you, am I?" Rowlf says they won't have much food or firewood, but they'll have their love to keep them warm. Lassie yawns wider. "I may be dull, Lassie, but what do you say?" Lassie is quicker on the cue this time and leaves. Rowlf calls after her, "You really know how to hurt a dog!" He wonders what her answer would have been if he'd offered her a mansion, three Rolls-Royces, and a yacht. Hearing this, Lassie is back on the bench. Rowlf realizes this will cost more than Jimmy's paying him ("I know! I'll go on unemployment!") but he promises to give those things to Lassie. "I'm gonna shoot the works," and Jimmy finally says "Stop, don't shoot!" correctly. Rowlf closes by serenading his love with "Pretty Baby" (retitled "Pretty Lassie").