Jimmy |
We have some more serious business coming up because anything that my old buddy Rowlf is concerned with is always serious business. Rowlf, where are you?
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Rowlf pokes his head up from behind a fence. He looks around and starting giving the air karate chops
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Rowlf |
Anybody what to try a little karate? You're looking at the greatest karate fighter alive.
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Rowlf continues to give more karate chops
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Rowlf |
Take that! And here's one in your shin bone…one on your left nostril…and here's the killer…right across the belly button.
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Jimmy enters and taps Rowlf on the shoulder
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Jimmy |
Hey there.
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Rowlf alertly takes an defensive pose
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Rowlf |
Whoa! Watch it Jimbo, you almost got yourself killed.
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Jimmy |
What are you doing?
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Rowlf |
I'm practicing some karate, Jimmy. You see, there's this big bulldog in my neighborhood who's always picking on me, see? So I'm learning self defense.
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Jimmy |
Really?
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Rowlf |
Yeah. Hey look, look you hold this, see?
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Rowlf hands Jimmy a board of wood
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Rowlf |
Hold this and using karate I will break it into two pieces with my bare hand.
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Jimmy |
Rowlf, this is a two-inch board, buddy.
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Rowlf |
That is nothing for a karate fighter. Watch this.
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Rowlf lines up his chop
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Rowlf |
One...Two..Three!
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Rowlf hits the board. It does not break and Rowlf pulls his hand back groaning in pain.
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Jimmy |
Rowlf, you didn't break the board.
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Rowlf |
So what? How often do you fight a piece of wood?
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Jimmy drops the board to the ground.
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Rowlf |
Litterbug.
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Jimmy |
Look, this much I know about karate, if you use one of those chops you gotta have the karate grunt.
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Rowlf |
The karate grunt?
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Jimmy |
Yeah, you know. You know "aaghh!" "uughh!" "eehh!"
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Jimmy does karate chops in the air as he grunts
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Rowlf |
Don't look now folk, Jimmy has a new hit record called "Big Bad "huhh!". If you don't like it you can give a "huhh!" right across the living room.
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Jimmy |
Rowlf, would you quit fooling around and tell me about the dog.
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Rowlf |
It's a bulldog, Jimmy, named Bobbie. Always pushing me around and picking fights. Why twice a day I get a sock in the eye.
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Jimmy |
You get a sock in the eye twice a day from Bobbie?
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Rowlf |
Yeah.
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Jimmy |
Well you ought to get a new pair of shoes to go with those Bobbie socks. You get it...socks from Bobbie. Uh um…forget it.
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Rowlf |
Friends do your share, help stamp out tall skinny singers.
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Jimmy |
This I want you to know, I'm sorry about that last one. This I want you to know, I don't approve of violence, Rowlf.
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Rowlf |
You don't?
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Jimmy |
I have a suggestion for you. Next time that Bobbie picks a fight, don't fight just turn the other cheek.
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Rowlf |
I tried that.
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Jimmy |
And you went home with a happy heart, right?
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Rowlf |
No, I went home with a lumpy cheek.
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Jimmy |
Rowlf, in the first place, forget it. Don't tackle with that bulldog. You'll never make it, you're too flabby.
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Rowlf |
Where? That's not flab back there, I got a tiger in my tank. Look, look, just to prove how strong I am I'll challenge you to Indian wrestling. Come on, one for the championship!
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Jimmy |
You going Indian wrestle me?
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Rowlf |
Sure, come on.
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Jimmy and Rowlf grasp hands for an arm wrestling match.
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Jimmy |
Ready?
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Rowlf |
Ready!
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Jimmy quickly and effortlessly beats Rowlf.
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Rowlf |
Best two out of three for the championship!
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Jimmy |
Oh, come on, Rowlf, look…
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Rowlf |
Come on!
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Jimmy |
Alright, ready?
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Rowlf |
Ready!
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Jimmy quickly and effortlessly beats Rowlf again.
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Rowlf |
Three out of five! Come on three out of five, Jimmy!
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Rowlf, still gripping Jimmy's hand continues to bend it over while Jimmy addresses the audience. Rowlf grunts and puts his whole body into it.
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Jimmy |
Look, I've already shown him half a dozen time that he'll never be able to do it. He done tried to put it down three or for time and he's flabby and he's weak. And that's all there is.
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At this point Rowlf is using both hands to try to beat Jimmy, who hasn't even noticed his efforts.
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Jimmy |
Ready?
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Rowlf |
Huhh!? Yeah, yeah I'm ready! I'm ready! Okay!
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Jimmy quickly and effortlessly beats Rowlf yet again.
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Rowlf |
Six-hundred out of a thousand?
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Jimmy |
Look Rowlf, what don't you just give up? That's no way to settle things. Violence is not the solution. Hey, got an idea.
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Rowlf |
What's that?
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Jimmy |
Got an idea, the next time that Bobbie picks on you, tell you what to do – just laugh. Open up your mouth and laugh.
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Rowlf |
I tried that.
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Jimmy |
And you went home with a fearless heart, right?
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Rowlf |
I went home with a toothless mouth…and a lumpy cheek. Wait, I know, I know! I will take care of Bobbie with judo.
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Jimmy |
You know Japanese judo?
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Rowlf |
Ahh so…you are taking to honorable master of muscular coordination and rapid reflex. Hey, listen, listen. I got this. I will turn my back on you, and you seek up on me and try to hit me. I'll show you.
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Rowlf turns his back to Jimmy and waits.
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Rowlf |
Go ahead, sneak up on me. Try to hit me.
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Jimmy |
I'm, I'm liable to hurt you, Rowlf.
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Rowlf |
Hurt me? "Ocka Hiawaka Fiaba" or as you Americans say, "fat chance"
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Rowlf turns his back to Jimmy again.
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Rowlf |
Go ahead, try to hit me.
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Jimmy hits Rowlf on the top of his head and Rowlf falls down.
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Rowlf |
Ooo, hi-ya hi-ya coo-coo oui oui hi-ya coma oo-ya.
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Jimmy |
What does that mean?
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Rowlf |
There were six of them, officer, and the dropped a truck on my head.
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Jimmy |
That proves it. You don't know karate. You don't judo. You don't know…just give up!
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Rowlf |
Oh, don't worry Jimbo. Don't worry. When everything else fails, I still got my secret weapon.
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Jimmy |
Your secret weapon?
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Rowlf |
Yeah…grrrr
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Rowlf aggressively bites Jimmy's arm.
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Jimmy |
Alright, that's good!
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Rowlf |
Yeah! See that bulldog won't bother me any more.
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Jimmy |
No, sir. Now, that's the way to take care of him.
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Rowlf |
Him? This isn't a him dog, this is a her dog.
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Jimmy |
Bobbie is a girl dog?
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Rowlf |
Sure, Bobbie short for Barbra. But she won't pick on me when I take care of her like this…
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Rowlf aggressively bites Jimmy in the arm again.
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Jimmy |
No! Rowlf, you can't do that.
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Rowlf |
I can't?
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Jimmy |
You don't go around biting girls.
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Rowlf |
This cowboy's been hanging around horses too long.
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Jimmy |
What I mean is this…
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Rowlf |
What?
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Jimmy |
That if you're having trouble with girls, you don't act tough, Rowlf.
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Rowlf |
No?
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Jimmy |
No, you act sweet and nice. You romance her.
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Rowlf |
You are right. You're right, Jimbo. I will act gentle and suave.
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Jimmy |
Good, good.
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Rowlf |
I will hold her hand.
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Jimmy |
Marvelous.
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Rowlf |
I will whisper sweet nothings...and then I'll bite her!
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Rowlf aggressively bites Jimmy in the arm for a third time.
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Jimmy |
Let...go...of..it!
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Jimmy beats Rowlf on the head to get him off.
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Rowlf |
Hm, I've been struck.
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Rowlf rubs his head in pain. Jimmy laughs.
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Jimmy |
That was a dirty ad-lib wasn't it? Now wait, wait. Will you listen to me?
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Rowlf is still holding his head in pain.
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Rowlf |
Oh...Hmm?
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Jimmy continues to laugh, he reaches over and rips Rowlf's hand off his head.
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Rowlf |
Sorry.
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Jimmy |
Alright, now will you listen to me?
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Rowlf |
What, what is it?
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Jimmy |
You gonna start again this week are you?
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Rowlf |
Listen to me. The next time, the next time that Bobbie comes around then you got to kind of snuggle up to her, you see? Get a little bit cozy and then you say…
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Music cues up and Jimmy and Rowlf start into a duet of She'll Never See Any Dog Like Me.
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