News Flash: Cookie Red Riding Hood (transcript)
From Muppet Wiki
News Flash: Cookie Red Riding Hood
Cast:
- Jim Henson as Kermit the Frog
- Frank Oz as Cookie Monster
- Jerry Nelson as The Big Bad Wolf and the Announcer
- Kathy Mullen as Cookie Monster's Grandma
Cookie Monster will do anything to get a cookie, and in most cases, he succeeds. Often, he is prone to disguising himself and/or using reverse psychology on whoever has a cookie. Take that "trickster" aspect, add in a lesson on nutrition, and you've got yourself a quintessential Sesame sketch, in the form of a Sesame Street News Flash. This is one of the many Sesame Street sketches that discusses nutrition, and also features the first appearance of Cookie Monster's grandmother. The Big Bad Wolf also portrays a doctor in this skit, the first time the character has been used for another purpose (similar to Jackman Wolf).
| The Sesame Street "NEWS FLASH" title card is seen with its theme music. | |
| Announcer | We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast-breaking news story! |
| The scene changes to the exterior of a nice-looking cottage. The sky is nice and sunny out. Kermit the Frog is facing the house as he holds his mike and begins reporting... | |
| Kermit | (to sound operator) Hi-ho, this is Kermit the Fr... oh... |
| He realizes he's facing the wrong way and turns to face the camera. | |
| Kermit | Hi-ho, this is Kermit the Frog outside the cottage of Red Riding Hood’s grandmother’s cottage! And we’re expecting Little Red Riding Hood any moment now, and she’ll be bringing with her, her very famous basket of goodies! Now we are hoping for an exclusive inside look at that basket of goodies and we’re gonna find out what’s inside the basket. Oh, hark! I think she’s coming now! |
| We see what is supposed to be Little Red Riding Hood enter. It’s actually Cookie Monster in drag; he’s wearing a blonde wig and red cloak. He is humming and holding the basket. | |
| Kermit | Excuse me ... |
| Cookie Monster | Oh! (gasps) BIG BAD WOLF! |
| Kermit | What? |
| Cookie Monster | BIG BAD WOLF! BIG BAD... |
| Kermit | Where? Oh. |
| Cookie Monster | (sees Kermit) Wait... you not Big Bad Wolf! |
| Kermit | Of course not. |
| Cookie Monster | You little green frog! |
| Kermit | Mm-hmm. |
| Cookie Monster | Oh… what a relief! Wait… you sure you not wolf in frog’s clothing? |
| Kermit | Uh, positive. I’m Kermit the Frog, Sesame Street News! Now, how about giving our audience an inside peek at what’s inside that goodie basket, hmm? |
| Cookie Monster | (grooms his wig with his hand) Yeah, for Sesame Street News? |
| Kermit | Yes. |
| Cookie Monster | SURE! Okay, yeah because, she not feeling too good, me grandmother. (reaches inside the basket) |
| Kermit | Yes. |
| Cookie Monster | So me bring LOTS of goodies to get well by, OK? Let me show you... |
| Kermit | Mm-hmm. (to the camera) This is an exciting moment, folks, as Little Red Riding Hood prepares to reveal what’s inside the goodie basket! |
| Cookie Monster | Who you talking to? |
| Kermit | Uh, never you mind. Just show us what’s inside the goodie basket. |
| Cookie Monster | Oh yeah, yeah… uh, these goodies to help get Grandma well. |
| Kermit | Mm-hmm. |
| Cookie begins pulling out each cookie in his goodie basket. | |
| Cookie Monster | First goodie is strawberry whirl cookie! Yeah, yeah, yeah… second goodie is cinnamon crisp cookie! Yeah… then we got, uh, banana whip cookie! And then maple walnut cookie! All make Grandma real well! Yeah! |
| Kermit | (is too stunned to speak for a moment, and then makes his trademark scrunched-up face and says...) That's it? That's everything in your goodie basket? |
| Cookie Monster | You expecting something else, frog? |
| Kermit | Well, actually, yes. |
| Cookie Monster | (goes through his basket again) Oh... that's it. Why? |
| Kermit | (to the camera) Chicken soup! |
| Cookie Monster | Chicken soup? |
| Kermit | Sure, didn’t you say your granny’s not feeling well? |
| Cookie Monster | Yeah? |
| Kermit | Well, when people are sick, they want healthy things... like chicken soup, and fresh vegetables, and fruit. They don’t want cookies! |
| Cookie Monster | You sure Granny not want cookie? (Kermit nods, and then Cookie Monster looks in his basket) Well, me take care of that! (begins devouring the cookies in a messy manner) AWWWM-num-num-num-num-mmm-mmm-num-num-nawwwm-num-num… (wipes his mouth) Ahh… mmm! |
| Kermit | Well, Little Red Riding Hood, you certainly took care of the cookie problem. |
| Cookie Monster | Yeah! |
| Kermit | But now you don’t have any goodies to give to your granny! What are you gonna do about that? |
| Cookie Monster | Oh, oh me know! Me go to Fairyland food mart, and get REAL goodies! Oranges and chicken soup and whole-wheat toast and alfalfa sprouts! |
| Kermit | Good. |
| Cookie Monster | Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah… ooh, me hope me not meet big bad wolf! Oooooh… (walks off) |
| Kermit | She certainly seems to have a thing about wolves. But while we’re waiting for Little Red Riding Hood to return, perhaps we can do a story on her grandmother! I understand she’s a real sweetheart of a granny. |
| Kermit walks over to the cottage, humming, and then knocks on the door and rings the doorbell; it plays the first few bars of “Mary Had a Little Lamb.” | |
| Granny | (from inside) Who is it? |
| Kermit | (to the camera) She sounds awfully sweet, too. |
| The door opens, and out comes a giant blue wolf in a doctors’ outfit! | |
| Kermit | It's Kermit the Frog of Sesame Street News! (sees the wolf and panics) AAH!!! (gasps) On the other hand, let’s forget the granny story! Yaaaaah! |
| Kermit runs away in horror. Cookie Monster’s grandmother peeks out from inside as the wolf watches. | |
| Wolf | Uh... |
| Granny | Who was that? |
| Wolf | Oh, just some frog from Sesame Street News! Now you get back in bed, granny. You’re sick! |
| Granny | Okay, Doctor Wolf. |
| They both go back inside and shut the door as a brief musical interlude is heard. | |
| THE END |
