Episode 517: Hal Linden

	The Muppet Show
Guest	Hal Linden
Production	July 8-10, 1980
Premiere	UK: January 11, 1981; NYC: February 7, 1981
	(TRANSCRIPT)

Statler and Waldorf get their chance to do a better show than Kermit--they play host, while Kermit and Fozzie watch from the balcony. Unfortunately, Statler and Waldorf's acts don't turn out exactly as they plan.

The Berlin National Opera Company, who were going to perform the first act finale from Siegfried, can't make it on time, so the Salzburg Sauerkraut Singers have been sent in. Statler and Waldorf didn't agree beforehand on which holiday Hal should do a tribute to, so Hal's Fourth of July number is invaded by Gonzo singing Christmas songs from a chicken-drawn sleigh. Plus, Miss Piggy sings "Just an Old-Fashioned Girl," instead of the star from India, Indira Mahashira. Finally, Statler and Waldorf admit that the show is harder to put together than it looks and happily go back to complaining from the balcony.

Songs/Sketches[]

Senior citizen rock group Geri and the Atrics sing "Who Put the Bomp (in the Bomp, Bomp, Bomp)."
The Salzburg Sauerkraut Singers perform "Drinking Song"
Medley: Hal sings "Yankee Doodle Boy" and gets interrupted by Gonzo singing "Jingle Bells"
UK Spot: Two British Whatnots and some dogs sing "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da"
Hal and Robin the Frog sing "If We Ruled the World"
Miss Piggy sings "Just an Old Fashioned Girl"
Hal and The Electric Mayhem perform "When the Saints Go Marching In"

Episode[]

Picture	Description
	Cold Open: Hal Linden introduces himself to Pops in reception and says he plays Barney Miller on TV. Pops claims the name hit him like a ton of bricks; after which a ton of bricks hit him on the head. Hal compliments him on his visual comedy bit, but warns him not to let it go to his head.
	"The Muppet Show Theme": Gonzo goes to blow his trumpet, but finds that he's holding a banana who turns around in terror.
	Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear address the audience from Statler and Waldorf's Box and explain that "the two old gentlemen who usually sit up here" will be running the show tonight.
	On stage, Statler and Waldorf are greeted by Hal Linden who waves to Kermit sitting up in the box seats. Fozzie sends back his own salutations, but Hal returns the gesture mistaking him for Rowlf the Dog. When Statler explains that Fozzie is the bear that tells bad jokes and dies on stage, Hal corrects himself. Given the association, Fozzie prefers Hal to continue thinking he's Rowlf and vows to begin piano lessons tomorrow.
	Geri and the Atrics sing "Who Put the Bomp (in the Bomp, Bomp, Bomp)". Kermit loves the number while Fozzie comments that it's the kind of act Kermit would have booked. Kermit wonders if Statler and Waldorf made a mistake.
	Backstage, Geri and the Atrics give Statler and Waldorf grief for not being "with it" and Gonzo prepares to perform Mozart with a pineapple. Statler and Waldorf prepare to instead announce the Berlin National Opera Company, but the Salzburg Sauerkraut Singers show up in their place.
	The Salzburg Sauerkraut Singers perform "Drinking Song" with plates full of sauerkraut. Gonzo worries that quality acts like that ruin his own chances at getting on stage.
	Backstage, Link Hogthrob works himself up into hysterics over everyone's act getting cancelled. Piggy slaps his face and tells him to grow up because it's only for one show. Link in turn tells Hal that his act has been cancelled, using the same reasoning to calm the guest star down. Waldorf tells him he is in fact going on, but Statler says he can't until the sauerkraut is cleaned up off the floor. Beauregard informs them that the sauerkraut's gone, but now they can't decide if the next act is a medley of 4th of July or Christmas songs.
	Chaos ensues when a battle of songs from two holidays compete against each other in a musical medley surrounded by fireworks and snowfall.
	UK Spot: Two Whatnots sing "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" with a pack of dogs at a British street market. Fozzie is surprised at how good it was. Kermit: "I don't miss me at all."
	In the Guest Star's Dressing Room, Hal attempts to console Robin the Frog whose number has been cancelled. Robin says things would be different if he ran things and the two sing "If We Ruled the World" as a duet. At the end, Gonzo enters and says that if he ran the world, clothing would be edible.
	Statler and Waldorf introduce Indira Mahajira to sing a medley of "Urdu ditties", but it's Miss Piggy who takes the stage and sings "Just an Old Fashioned Girl" surrounded by Butch and the Prairie Dogs. Kermit compliments her from the box seats and she blows him a kiss.
	Backstage, Statler and Waldorf tell Beauregard to do something useful, so he tests the backstage trap door releases. Waldorf falls through one of them and instructs him not to test those anymore, so Beauregard tests the onstage trap door releases.
	Hal and The Electric Mayhem perform "When the Saints Go Marching In". They're picked off one by one as Beauregard continues to test the trap doors.
	Kermit and Fozzie return to the stage to say goodnight. Hal is slightly disheveled by all the confusion and chaos, but Fozzie assures him that it was just like any other Muppet Show. Waldorf says he's going back to the box seats and Statler promises never to say anything bad about the show again. This promise doesn’t last long though, as after the closing number, the pair criticize the theme music, much to Kermit's dismay.