|The Muppet Show|
|Guest Starring||Roger Moore|
|Production Dates||April 29 - May 2, 1980|
|Home Video||Best of the Muppet Show|
Kermit calls the Secret Service to hire real spies for Roger's closing number. (They're listed in the Yellow Pages.) However, Roger wants to do a cute, cuddly version of "Talk to the Animals". The spies, anxious for a chance to rub out James Bond, pose as fluffy animals to infiltrate the number.
- "In the Navy"
- "On a Slow Boat to China"
- "You Light Up My Life"
- Veterinarian's Hospital: Viking
- UK Spot: "How High the Moon"
- Bear on Patrol: Handcuff Salesman
- Muppet Sports: Cross Country Billiards
- Muppet News Flash
- "Talk to the Animals"
|Cold Open: Guest star Roger Moore arrives and Pops instantly recognizes him as James Bond. Roger points out that secret agents and spies are "all make believe." Once Roger has departed, "Agent" Pops calls for control to inform them that "007" has arrived. Roger catches Pops in the middle of his call, and demands to know who this "agent" is working for. "The frog! The frog!" Pops calls out. Roger releases Pops when he reveals that he too is working for "the frog."|
|"The Muppet Show Theme": Gonzo's trumpet sounds like a coach's whistle, and so a soccer ball is thrown at him, pushing the trumpet down his throat. (Repeated from episode 316.)|
|For the opening number, a group of Viking pigs (described as "gentle, quaint, fun-loving old charmers" at the insistence of the Swedish Chef) sing "In the Navy" as they pillage a coastal town.|
|Backstage, Scooter and Beauregard show Kermit the pies they got for the closing number. Kermit corrects them, he wanted spies for the closing number, as it was to be James Bond-themed. When he tells them to toss the pies away, Beauregard takes him literally and tosses his entire tray. Kermit is hit with one of the flying desserts.|
|Miss Piggy sings a flirtatious "On a Slow Boat to China" to Roger. Roger protests, claiming he is not Piggy's type, but she continues to woo him. The song is ended shortly before Roger's date arrives, and it is none other than Piggy's rival, Annie Sue. Roger reveals that they are going to the opening of Hamlet.|
|As Roger returns backstage, he stops to ask Kermit if they use pies on the show. "Spies?" Kermit asks. But Roger actually does mean pies for he's just "trod in one."|
|Lew Zealand and his singing fish sing a wet version of "You Light Up My Life" until he's pulled offstage by Piggy's Vaudevillian hook.|
|Backstage, Piggy and Lew duke it out with hook and barracuda. Piggy insists the show have more class than Lew's fish act. When Lew has chased Miss Piggy off stage with Fred (the barracuda), Roger Moore approaches Kermit to ask if the show is always filled with such craziness. Kermit tells him that they're actually having a rather quiet night with no unforeseen disasters. Kermit is then instantly trampled by the cast of Vet's Hospital... but that was a foreseen disaster.|
|Veterinarian's Hospital: Dr. Bob and his crew operate on a Viking from the opening number. He talks of his ancestor, the Viking, who "blundered at his plundering and was stupid with his pillaging." Dr. Bob ends the sketch with a new take on Roy Rogers trademark sign-off: "Good night, and may the good Lord take a Viking to you!"|
|UK Spot: In the orchestra pit, Rowlf, Zoot, Janice, Floyd, Animal, Lips and Trumpet Girl perform an instrumental of "How High the Moon."|
|Bear on Patrol: Chief Hogthrob awaits the arrival of a toupée representative. Instead, he and Patrol Bear invite in a handcuff salesman. When the salesman demonstrates the handcuffs on them, Chief Hogthrob and Patrol Bear find themselves robbed.|
|Kermit calls the secret service for a bunch of spies. They arrive in an instant! When asked how he got the secret service's number, Kermit reveals that it was in the Yellow Pages. Kermit then explains that he was looking for spies for their closing number, a big spy spectacular featuring James Bond. At the mention of James Bond's name, the spies are all too eager to perform, or rather to "fix him."|
When Kermit tries to tell Roger about the closing number, Roger reveals that he will be performing a "cute" number, surrounded by "oodles of cute, fluffy little creatures." The spies overhear this information, and since they are masters of disguise, dress up as cute, fluffy animals.
|Muppet Sports: Louis Kazagger covers the annual Dwight D. Eisenhower Memorial Cross-Country Billiards Tournament.|
|Muppet News Flash: The Newsman reports on an international spy ring trying to sneak ridiculous stories into the news. His very next news story is on a black and yellow striped mackerel being elected King. The Newsman doesn't believe it, of course, until the King arrives.|
|Kermit informs Scooter that the spies of snuck in amongst the animals. Scooter announces to the animals, "There are no spies in the closing number! Spies go home!" But no one does go home.|
|Roger sings "Talk to the Animals" in the closing number, but is forced to fight numerous spies when they try to assassinate him during the song with appropriately changed lyrics for the situation. Roger comes out victorious, and the animals rejoice.|
|At the closing, Roger informs Kermit that he has learned his lesson. He's through with "cute, cuddly little animals," and will instead stick to the "sick, weird, disgusting animals" that he trusts.|
- The "In the Navy" number alone took a day and a half to shoot.
- A segment of "Slow Boat to China" can be seen being performed on Of Muppets and Men.
- In Of Muppets and Men, it's revealed that Frank Oz puppeteered the green villager voiced by Jim Henson.
- This episode was the final time that guest star Roger Moore made a production for ATV/ITC Entertainment, the company that made him a major star prior to his "James Bond" era through television shows including The Saint and The Persuaders!
- Nickelodeon: "Veterinarian's Hospital" was cut.
- Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Scooter, Rowlf the Dog, Statler and Waldorf, Swedish Chef, Annie Sue Pig, Lew Zealand, Beauregard, Janice, Link Hogthrob, Louis Kazagger, The Newsman, Boo Mortmorkinson, Frackles, Butch, Gnu, Quongo, Baskerville the Hound, Afghan Hound, Otters, Mackerel, Bruno, Rabbit, Deer, Squirrels, Pigs, Whatnots, Fish, Lips, Trumpet Girl, Floyd Pepper, Animal, Zoot
- Gaffer, Ronald Duck, T.R. the Rooster, Nigel, Male Koozebanian, Luncheon Counter Monster, Koozebanian Phoob, Shakey Sanchez, Beakie, Snowth, Old Skyball Paint, Cows, Goat, Sheep, Chickens, Crocodiles
- Jim Henson as Kermit the Frog, Rowlf, Viking Pig, Villager, Waldorf, Link Hogthrob, the Newsman and the Swedish Chef
- Frank Oz as Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear and Boo Mortmorkinson
- Jerry Nelson as Pops, Lew Zealand, Louis Kazagger, Spy, Viking Pigs, Quongo and Gnu
- Richard Hunt as Scooter, Janice, Statler, Bruno, Otter, Handcuff Salesman and Viking Pig
- Dave Goelz as Beauregard, Spy, Mackerel, Baskerville, Viking Pig and Figurehead
- Steve Whitmire as Viking Pig, Rizzo the Rat, Spy, Deer and Rabbit
- Louise Gold as Annie Sue Pig and Villager
- Kathy Mullen as Gaffer and Villager
- Karen Prell
- Betsy Baytos as Singing Fish, Cow
- Brian Muehl as Butch
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