Pops: Oh, I love to boogie. Boogie-woo- Hey. Hey, who are you?
Buddy: I'm Buddy Rich, world famous drummer.
Pops: We already got one. Ever hear of a drummer called Animal?
Buddy: Are you kidding? All drummers are animals. Now, where's my dressing room?
Pops: It's up the stairs. They're getting it ready for ya.
Buddy: What was that? Somebody's testing my chair?
Pops: No, no, no. Well, we're having power trouble. Nothing to worry about.
Buddy: Good. I just won't sit down.
Kermit: It's The Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Buddy Rich!
Kermit: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hi-ho and welcome again to The Muppet Show where our special guest tonight is the world's greatest drummer, Mr. Buddy Rich.
Kermit: Yes. But first, to get things rolling... eh? Scooter?
Scooter: Yeah, boss?
Kermit: What happened to the lights?
Scooter: They went out.
Kermit: Oh, good. Okay, to kick things off on The Muppet Show, here's a little sunshine.
Fozzie: What happened to the lights?
Kermit: Uh, it's nothing- nothing serious, folks. Uh, folks we just blew a fuse. Uh, I'm sorry Fozzie.
Gonzo: I'm not Fozzie!
Kermit: Oh, uh, Gonzo. Yes, I'm sorry about that. Listen Scooter, would you get us some flashlights?
Scooter: Oh, okay boss.
Kermit: Okay, now listen. Everybody sing!
Fozzie: *stuttering* Kermit, how can we sing "Good Day Sunshine" when it's dark?
Kermit: Uh, well, think of something. I've gotta go help Beauregard with the fuse box.
Floyd: Good luck!
Gonzo: Remember, it's always darkest just before dawn.
Scooter: Well, here are the flashlights.
Fozzie: Heh. Somebody play something. Could you give me a flashlight? Thank you. How do you work this? Oh yeah.
Statler: You think this is better than their usual show?
Waldorf: Of course not. Can't hold a candle to it.
Kermit: Uh, Beauregard, did you find that fuse?
Bo: I can't see anything. There's all these wires in the way.
Kermit: Well, hurry up. The audience is getting restless.
Bo: Oh, we don't want they to go nighty-night. I'll just take out some of these wires. And, like... *screaming*
Kermit: Are you okay?
Bo: I think the fuse box bit me. Kermit, I don't want to play with fuses anymore, okay?
Kermit: Uh, okay, Beauregard. Uh, why don't you just go get some candles. Okay?
Scooter: Good news, chief.
Scooter: It wasn't Miss Piggy's hot plate after all.
Kermit: Oh? Her hair dryer then?
Piggy: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No. It was that creep Gonzo. He was trying to air condition his closet.
Gonzo: Nothing but the best for my mildew collection. Heh-ha.
Piggy: You're disgusting.
Kermit: Uh, would you guys knock it off back there? We've got a show to do. Now what can I send out there on a dark stage?
Gonzo: Why don't you introduce the Black Cat Acrobats of Kankakee?
Kermit: But they're not here.
Gonzo: Nobody will ever notice.
Crazy Harry: *laughing*
Newsman: Than you very much. That's much better. With the discovery of gold, local residents are expecting a boom—
Kermit: Uh, excuse me Buddy. Can I see you?
Buddy: Kermit, that's the dumbest thing anyone's said tonight.
Kermit: Uh, listen. I just wanted to tell you we'll have the lights back on soon.
Buddy: Don't worry about me. I've got eyes like a cat. A really clumsy cat.
lights come on
Kermit and Buddy: Ah!
lights go off
Kermit and Buddy: Oh.
lights come on
Kermit and Buddy: Ah!
Kermit: Well, now that the crisis is over, when can you do your number?
Buddy: Oh, anytime you want me to, Kermit.
Kermit: Uh-huh. You need to talk to the band?
Buddy: Who needs a band?
Kermit: Oh. No band? Fantastic. Just you and a drum kit.
Buddy: Who needs drums?
Kermit: No drums?
Buddy: No drums.
Kermit: Hey, you know what? You should be doing this on stage.
Buddy: To the stage!
Kermit: To the stage!
Buddy: When I play a theatre, I play the theatre.
lights go off
Waldorf: It's too dark to see this show.
Statler: I'll say.
Waldorf: And my hearing aid is busted, so I can't hear it.
Statler: Oh, you must be having a wonderful time.
Waldorf: No, I'm having a wonderful time.
Scooter: Hey, chief?
Scooter: I rigged up an emergency work light.
Kermit: Oh, good going Scooter. How'd you do that?
Scooter: Well, remember how Beauregard pulled all those wires out of the fuse box and got a big shock?
Scooter: Well, I just put two and two together, and...
Kermit: Is he alright?
Scooter: Sure. I think he got a real charge out of it.
Kermit: Listen, I just don't want him to get run down or anything. Are you okay, Bo?
Bo: I'm fine. Did I do something wrong?
Buddy: Why do I have this urge to sing "Happy Birthday"?
knock on door
Buddy: Come in. Hey, Bo. How ya doing?
Bo: Oh, just terrible.
Bo: The electric stuff won't go through the wires and everybody's blaming me.
Buddy: Oh, you're the one that's caused this mess.
Bo: You see what I mean? Everybody's out to get me. Could I use your window?
Buddy: Well, I know it's bad Bo, but don't jump.
Bo: Jump? I was just going to take a nap on the fire escape. That is, unless you know any inspirational songs.
Buddy: Inspirational songs? Have I got the song for you.
Bo: Wow, thanks Mr. Rich. I feel a lot worse.
Buddy: I like to help.
Announcer: Time once again for Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.
Piggy: Where are you guys?
Rowlf: Over here.
Janice: Oh, Dr. Bob, it's so dark, you can't see your hand in front of your face.
Rowlf: That's okay, I remember what it looks like. It's brown and has these five pointy things sticking out.
Piggy: Ew. Dr. Bob, cancel the operation, it's too dangerous. Nobody can see anything.
Rowlf: Well, if that includes the audience, it'll be the safest bit we've ever done.
Rowlf: Just a second. Ah-ha!
Piggy: That's a miner's lamp.
Rowlf: Yes. And, a pick. Heh-ha. Now, where's the patient?
Piggy: You can't use a pick o the patient.
Rowlf: I can on the patient's pockets.
Rowlf: Now, where is he?
Janice: Right here, Dr. Bob. He was trying to fix the power line and got a severe shock.
Piggy: When he sees who his doctor is, he'll get another one.
Piggy and Janice: Ew.
Janice: No, not that kind of shock. He's had ten thousand volts.
Rowlf: Gee, that should be enough to get him elected. What was he running for?
Piggy: The hills if he had any sense.
Janice: Not votes, volts.
Rowlf: Oh, in that case, run some volts through him again.
Rowlf: Yes, it's called revolting.
Piggy and Janice: Ew. It certainly is.
Announcer: And, so we come to the end of another Veterinarian's Hospital. Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr. Bob say...
Rowlf: Listen, if it's still dark when the patient comes to, give him this.
Piggy: That's a ballpoint pen with a little light.
Piggy: What good is that?
Rowlf: He can see to sign the check.
Kermit: Uh, listen Bunsen. For once, your goofy inventions had better do some good, because we've got to get the lights going around here.
Bunsen: Uh, not to worry, Mr. Kermit. I will easily power all of the lights with this portable generator.
Kermit: Oh? This is portable?
Bunsen: Yes, it's a miracle of micro electronics.
Kermit: Yeah, well what's it run on? Batteries? Gasoline?
Bunsen: No indeedy-doodie. This is the age of Beaker power. Soon, electricity will be coursing through the entire theatre. Alright Beakie, start running. I'll just make a few minor adjustments.
Bunsen: The connections may not be quite right yet.
Buddy: Oh, that's better.
knock on door
Buddy: Come in.
Piggy: Oh, excuse moi, Buddy dear.
Buddy: Hi, Miss Piggy. Come on in.
Piggy: I just had to come in and tell you that I think you're a truly great drummer.
Buddy: Why, thank you, Miss Piggy. I think you're a very large singer.
Piggy: I beg your pardon?
Buddy: Oh, nothing. I'm really glad you came by.
Buddy: I have a question for you.
Piggy: Oh, yes.
Buddy: Well, you know I'm kind of interested in karate—
Piggy: Oh, Buddy dear, say no more. Of course I shall give you some pointers. Uh, I am a pink belt.
Piggy: Mm-hmm. Oh now, Buddy dear. First of all, you should put away those silly-willy boards. Beginners can only hurt themselves on that sort of thing. Buddy, karate is a peaceful activity. A beginner need not dwell on the violence and aggression. First you must learn to be at peace with—
Piggy: Holy guacamole!
Buddy: Black belt.
Buddy: Speaking of black.
lights go out
Piggy: Oh, no. I can not stand it. Not again. I am a star. I will not put up with this stumbling around blind.
Buddy: It's too bad lard doesn't glow in the dark.
Buddy: I said, it's too bad lard doesn't—
Buddy: Say, where'd you learn to aim so good without lights?
Piggy: Oh, just a chop in the dark.
Kermit: Okay, good old Bunsen and Beaker. That generator has just saved the day alright. Let's see, uh, Swedish Chef on stage next, Swedish Chef, please.
Swedish Chef: *mock Swedish*
Kermit: Yeah, well, thanks Chef. I'm very pleased, too.
lights go out
Kermit: Hey. Hey, listen guys. What's the matter?
Bunsen: Oh, I'm afraid poor little Beaker is getting tired.
Bunsen: We'll have to throw the overdrive lever.
Kermit: What does the overdrive lever do?
Bunsen: It puts an angry tiger in the wheel with him.
Swedish Chef: *indiscernible*
Buddy: Say, Kermit. I understand for the show's finale you want me to do some kind of a drum battle.
Kermit: Oh yeah. I just love drum battles.
Buddy: Okay. Who do I battle? The other guy. You know, the one that loses.
Kermit: Ha ha. Uh, Animal.
Buddy: Animal? That's really his name?
Floyd: Easy, Animal.
Buddy: He looks like a sore loser.
Floyd: Heh. This chain breaks, you'll be a sore winner.
Kermit: Uh, listen. I'll just go ahead and introduce you. Floyd, get Animal ready.
Floyd: Animal. You ready?
Animal: Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Buddy: Yeah. He's ready.
Animal: Drum battle! Drum battle!
Kermit: Okay, uh. Uh, now ladies and gentlemen, the drum battle of the century. Yes. In one corner, our own ever-popular Animal...
Kermit: Uh, and in the other corner, The Muppet Show’s own fearless guest star, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Buddy Rich, yaaay!
Buddy: Darn it! There go the lights again!
Kermit: Okay, well we've just about come down to the end of another one. But before we go, let us bring back our wonderful guest star, ladies...
Buddy: Hey, Kermit. Wait'll I get this thing off. Okay?
Kermit: Ladies and gentlemen, the world's greatest drummer, Mr. Buddy Rich! Yaaay! Uh listen, I'm sorry about the battle of the drums, Buddy.
Buddy: Well, that's alright Kermit. I'm just glad it wasn't the battle of the pianos. That little devil would have killed me.
Kermit: Okay, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
Waldorf: Where were you when the lights went out?
Statler: In the dark. Where else, you old fool?