Pops: Oh, I love to boogie. Boogie-woo- Hey. Hey, who are you?

Buddy: I'm Buddy Rich, world famous drummer.

Pops: We already got one. Ever hear of a drummer called Animal?

Buddy: Are you kidding? All drummers are animals. Now, where's my dressing room?

Pops: It's up the stairs. They're getting it ready for ya.

Buddy: What was that? Somebody's testing my chair?

Pops: No, no, no. Well, we're having power trouble. Nothing to worry about.

Buddy: Good. I just won't sit down.

Kermit: It's The Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Buddy Rich!

Kermit: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hi-ho and welcome again to The Muppet Show where our special guest tonight is the world's greatest drummer, Mr. Buddy Rich.

Audience: Oooh!

Kermit: Yes. But first, to get things rolling... eh? Scooter?

Scooter: Yeah, boss?

Kermit: What happened to the lights?

Scooter: They went out.

Kermit: Oh, good. Okay, to kick things off on The Muppet Show, here's a little sunshine.

"Good Day Sunshine"

Fozzie: What happened to the lights?

Kermit: Uh, it's nothing- nothing serious, folks. Uh, folks we just blew a fuse. Uh, I'm sorry Fozzie.

Gonzo: I'm not Fozzie!

Kermit: Oh, uh, Gonzo. Yes, I'm sorry about that. Listen Scooter, would you get us some flashlights?

Scooter: Oh, okay boss.

Kermit: Okay, now listen. Everybody sing!

Fozzie: *stuttering* Kermit, how can we sing "Good Day Sunshine" when it's dark?

Kermit: Uh, well, think of something. I've gotta go help Beauregard with the fuse box.

Floyd: Good luck!

Gonzo: Remember, it's always darkest just before dawn.

Scooter: Well, here are the flashlights.

Fozzie: Heh. Somebody play something. Could you give me a flashlight? Thank you. How do you work this? Oh yeah.

"Dancing in the Dark"

Statler: You think this is better than their usual show?

Waldorf: Of course not. Can't hold a candle to it.

Kermit: Uh, Beauregard, did you find that fuse?

Bo: I can't see anything. There's all these wires in the way.

Kermit: Well, hurry up. The audience is getting restless.

Bo: Oh, we don't want they to go nighty-night. I'll just take out some of these wires. And, like... *screaming*

Kermit: Are you okay?

Bo: I think the fuse box bit me. Kermit, I don't want to play with fuses anymore, okay?

Kermit: Uh, okay, Beauregard. Uh, why don't you just go get some candles. Okay?

Bo: Okay.

Scooter: Good news, chief.

Kermit: Yeah?

Scooter: It wasn't Miss Piggy's hot plate after all.

Kermit: Oh? Her hair dryer then?

Piggy: Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No. It was that creep Gonzo. He was trying to air condition his closet.

Gonzo: Nothing but the best for my mildew collection. Heh-ha.

Piggy: You're disgusting.

Kermit: Uh, would you guys knock it off back there? We've got a show to do. Now what can I send out there on a dark stage?

Gonzo: Why don't you introduce the Black Cat Acrobats of Kankakee?

Kermit: But they're not here.

Gonzo: Nobody will ever notice.

The Newsman: Here is a Muppet News Flash. Um, it's too dark in here to read the news by. Can we have a bigger candle, please?

Crazy Harry: *laughing*

Newsman: Than you very much. That's much better. With the discovery of gold, local residents are expecting a boom—

dynamite explosion

Kermit: Uh, excuse me Buddy. Can I see you?

Buddy: Kermit, that's the dumbest thing anyone's said tonight.

Kermit: Uh, listen. I just wanted to tell you we'll have the lights back on soon.

Buddy: Don't worry about me. I've got eyes like a cat. A really clumsy cat.

lights come on

Kermit and Buddy: Ah!

lights go off

Kermit and Buddy: Oh.

lights come on

Kermit and Buddy: Ah!

Kermit: Well, now that the crisis is over, when can you do your number?

Buddy: Oh, anytime you want me to, Kermit.

Kermit: Uh-huh. You need to talk to the band?

Buddy: Who needs a band?

Kermit: Oh. No band? Fantastic. Just you and a drum kit.

Buddy: Who needs drums?

Kermit: No drums?

Buddy: No drums.

Kermit: Hey, you know what? You should be doing this on stage.

Buddy: To the stage!

Kermit: To the stage!

Buddy: When I play a theatre, I play the theatre.

lights go off

Buddy: Darn!

Waldorf: It's too dark to see this show.

Statler: I'll say.

Waldorf: And my hearing aid is busted, so I can't hear it.

Statler: Oh, you must be having a wonderful time.

Waldorf: No, I'm having a wonderful time.

Scooter: Hey, chief?

Kermit: Yeah?

Scooter: I rigged up an emergency work light.

Kermit: Oh, good going Scooter. How'd you do that?

Scooter: Well, remember how Beauregard pulled all those wires out of the fuse box and got a big shock?

Kermit: Yeah.

Scooter: Well, I just put two and two together, and...

Kermit: Is he alright?

Scooter: Sure. I think he got a real charge out of it.

Kermit: Listen, I just don't want him to get run down or anything. Are you okay, Bo?

Bo: I'm fine. Did I do something wrong?

Buddy: Why do I have this urge to sing "Happy Birthday"?

knock on door

Buddy: Come in. Hey, Bo. How ya doing?

Bo: Oh, just terrible.

Buddy: Oh.

Bo: The electric stuff won't go through the wires and everybody's blaming me.

Buddy: Oh, you're the one that's caused this mess.

Bo: You see what I mean? Everybody's out to get me. Could I use your window?

Buddy: Well, I know it's bad Bo, but don't jump.

Bo: Jump? I was just going to take a nap on the fire escape. That is, unless you know any inspirational songs.

Buddy: Inspirational songs? Have I got the song for you.

"You Mustn't Feel Discouraged"

Bo: Wow, thanks Mr. Rich. I feel a lot worse.

Buddy: I like to help.

Announcer: Time once again for Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

Piggy: Where are you guys?

Rowlf: Over here.

Piggy: Oh.

Janice: Oh, Dr. Bob, it's so dark, you can't see your hand in front of your face.

Rowlf: That's okay, I remember what it looks like. It's brown and has these five pointy things sticking out.

Piggy: Ew. Dr. Bob, cancel the operation, it's too dangerous. Nobody can see anything.

Rowlf: Well, if that includes the audience, it'll be the safest bit we've ever done.

Piggy: Ew.

Rowlf: Just a second. Ah-ha!

Piggy: That's a miner's lamp.

Rowlf: Yes. And, a pick. Heh-ha. Now, where's the patient?

Piggy: You can't use a pick o the patient.

Rowlf: I can on the patient's pockets.

Piggy: Ew.

Rowlf: Now, where is he?

Janice: Right here, Dr. Bob. He was trying to fix the power line and got a severe shock.

Rowlf: Oh.

Piggy: When he sees who his doctor is, he'll get another one.

Piggy and Janice: Ew.

Janice: No, not that kind of shock. He's had ten thousand volts.

Rowlf: Gee, that should be enough to get him elected. What was he running for?

Piggy: The hills if he had any sense.

Janice: Not votes, volts.

Rowlf: Oh, in that case, run some volts through him again.

Janice: Again?

Rowlf: Yes, it's called revolting.

Piggy and Janice: Ew. It certainly is.

Announcer: And, so we come to the end of another Veterinarian's Hospital. Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr. Bob say...

Rowlf: Listen, if it's still dark when the patient comes to, give him this.

Piggy: That's a ballpoint pen with a little light.

Rowlf: Mm-hmm.

Piggy: What good is that?

Rowlf: He can see to sign the check.

"A Transport of Delight"

Kermit: Uh, listen Bunsen. For once, your goofy inventions had better do some good, because we've got to get the lights going around here.

Bunsen: Uh, not to worry, Mr. Kermit. I will easily power all of the lights with this portable generator.

Kermit: Oh? This is portable?

Bunsen: Yes, it's a miracle of micro electronics.

Kermit: Yeah, well what's it run on? Batteries? Gasoline?

Bunsen: No indeedy-doodie. This is the age of Beaker power. Soon, electricity will be coursing through the entire theatre. Alright Beakie, start running. I'll just make a few minor adjustments.

Kermit: Yeah?

Bunsen: The connections may not be quite right yet.

Buddy: Oh, that's better.

knock on door

Buddy: Come in.

Piggy: Oh, excuse moi, Buddy dear.

Buddy: Hi, Miss Piggy. Come on in.

Piggy: I just had to come in and tell you that I think you're a truly great drummer.

Buddy: Why, thank you, Miss Piggy. I think you're a very large singer.

Piggy: I beg your pardon?

Buddy: Oh, nothing. I'm really glad you came by.

Piggy: Oh?

Buddy: I have a question for you.

Piggy: Oh, yes.

Buddy: Well, you know I'm kind of interested in karate—

Piggy: Oh, Buddy dear, say no more. Of course I shall give you some pointers. Uh, I am a pink belt.

Buddy: Really?

Piggy: Mm-hmm. Oh now, Buddy dear. First of all, you should put away those silly-willy boards. Beginners can only hurt themselves on that sort of thing. Buddy, karate is a peaceful activity. A beginner need not dwell on the violence and aggression. First you must learn to be at peace with—

Buddy screams

Piggy screams

Piggy: Holy guacamole!

Buddy: Black belt.

Piggy: Gotcha.

Buddy: Speaking of black.

lights go out

Piggy: Oh, no. I can not stand it. Not again. I am a star. I will not put up with this stumbling around blind.

Buddy: It's too bad lard doesn't glow in the dark.

Piggy: Pardon?

Buddy: I said, it's too bad lard doesn't—

Piggy: Hi-yah!

Buddy: Say, where'd you learn to aim so good without lights?

Piggy: Oh, just a chop in the dark.

Kermit: Okay, good old Bunsen and Beaker. That generator has just saved the day alright. Let's see, uh, Swedish Chef on stage next, Swedish Chef, please.

Swedish Chef: *mock Swedish*

Kermit: Yeah, well, thanks Chef. I'm very pleased, too.

lights go out

Kermit: Hey. Hey, listen guys. What's the matter?

Bunsen: Oh, I'm afraid poor little Beaker is getting tired.

Beaker: Whew!

Bunsen: We'll have to throw the overdrive lever.

Kermit: What does the overdrive lever do?

Bunsen: It puts an angry tiger in the wheel with him.

Swedish Chef: *indiscernible*

Buddy: Say, Kermit. I understand for the show's finale you want me to do some kind of a drum battle.

Kermit: Oh yeah. I just love drum battles.

Buddy: Okay. Who do I battle? The other guy. You know, the one that loses.

Kermit: Ha ha. Uh, Animal.

Buddy: Animal? That's really his name?

Kermit: Mmm.

Animal: *indiscernible*

Floyd: Easy, Animal.

Buddy: He looks like a sore loser.

Floyd: Heh. This chain breaks, you'll be a sore winner.

Kermit: Uh, listen. I'll just go ahead and introduce you. Floyd, get Animal ready.

Floyd: Animal. You ready?

Animal: Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

Buddy: Yeah. He's ready.

Animal: Drum battle! Drum battle!

Kermit: Okay, uh. Uh, now ladies and gentlemen, the drum battle of the century. Yes. In one corner, our own ever-popular Animal...

Animal: *indiscernible*

Kermit: Uh, and in the other corner, The Muppet Show’s own fearless guest star, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Buddy Rich, yaaay!

instrumental "It Don't Mean a Thing" followed by drum battle

Buddy: Darn it! There go the lights again!

Kermit: Okay, well we've just about come down to the end of another one. But before we go, let us bring back our wonderful guest star, ladies...

Buddy: Hey, Kermit. Wait'll I get this thing off. Okay?

Kermit: Ladies and gentlemen, the world's greatest drummer, Mr. Buddy Rich! Yaaay! Uh listen, I'm sorry about the battle of the drums, Buddy.

Buddy: Well, that's alright Kermit. I'm just glad it wasn't the battle of the pianos. That little devil would have killed me.

Kermit: Okay, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!

Waldorf: Where were you when the lights went out?

Statler: In the dark. Where else, you old fool?

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