Floyd plays a guitar solo, until a gorilla crashes cymbals on his head.
Instead of blowing his trumpet, Gonzo blows the horn of a cow.
Another television first!
Main stage. Kermit enters to applause.
Thank you, thank you, thank you and welcome again to The Muppet Show! And a terrific show we have for you tonight, because our special guest is the lovely recording star and entertainer, Miss Anne Murray! But, before we meet Miss Murray, we have a sensational opening number. Now I'm not going to tell you anything about it, because I want it to be a real surprise and — uh — just a second.
A loud motor is heard behind the curtain.
Hey, uh — hey back there? Uh, would you turn off that, uh, that uh, ahem, chainsaw? Turn off the chainsaw.
Kermit — Kerm - Kermit? Kermit. That's not a chainsaw. That — that's the motorcycle for Miss Piggy's opening number.
(sotto) I know it's a motorcycle. I was trying to keep it from the audience!
(covers his mouth) Oh. (taps his head and whispers) Gotcha. Gotcha. (goes behind the curtain) Uh, hey, hey guys, back there? Uh, turn off that … (glances at crowd) … chainsaw! (taps Kermit) Got it. (exits)
I don't know why I even try. Ladies and gentlemen, our opening number, featuring Miss Piggy on a motorcycle.
Uh, and now, ladies and gentlemen, our very special guest…
Scooter wheels by on the skateboard, carrying Piggy. They crash on the other side.
Uh, our very special guest, with one of my very favorite songs, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Anne Murray!
Open on a wintry setting. Anne emerges and sings "Snowbird" as white birds fly behind her. She sits on a tree stump and talks to a dodo.
Hi-de-ho there! (chuckles) Hi there, pretty lady! Uh, singin' to the snowbirds, huh?
Um, yes. Who are you?
Oh, I'm the dodo who lives around here. (chuckles)
(chuckles) Well, this is a beautiful forest.
Oh, really? They're tearing it all down.
Nope. Gonna build apartment houses. Yep, rip out the trees, brick up the creek — (laughs) — apartments everywhere!
I didn't know birds built apartment houses.
Oh, yeah, these are especially built for birds.
Yeah. They're "condor-miniums"! (laughs)
(laughs) Uh, can I get on with my song now?
Yeah, but you'd better sing fast. The bulldozers are coming.
(with dodo) Yeah, if I could, you know that I would fly … away with you.
What were those little flying things?
Oh. S'no good, either.
Anne and the birds, including the dodo, pass Kermit.
Okay! Great number. Great — now, that was just wonderful, Anne.
Hey! What about me?
Uh, well, to be honest, I hate bird jokes.
Oh, come on, Kermit. He just did it for a lark. (giggles)
Beauregard wheels a backdrop. Scooter appears in the balcony.
(stammers) Oh, boy. Oh — oh, Scooter? Scooter, would you tell the Mexican hat dancers they're on next?
Oh, I did.
Uh, good. Uh, Scooter, uh, you're — you're not riding your skateboard up there, are you?
Nope. I left it downstairs.
Oh, good. Uh …
He slips on the skateboard and tears through the backdrop. The dancers all laugh at him.
Uh, you think that's funny, huh?
Si! Mucho ha-ha!
The dancers continue laughing.
Yeah, well, well, here's another mucho ha-ha for you — you see, your set is ruined and so the Mexican hat dance number has to be canceled! (exits)
The dancers all express disappointment.
Aww! Doña Maria!
And now for this Muppet newsflash. Muppet Labs announced today the invention of a new hair-trigger exploding paper. The paper was inscribed with the following message, quote, "Muppet Labs announced today the invention of a new hair-trigger exploding paper."
The paper goes up in flames, much to his astonishment.
Main stage. Kermit enters to applause.
Uh, uh, ladies and gentlemen, uh, there's been a last-minute program change. Uh, the Mexican hat dancers have graciously stepped aside —
The dancers throw their hats at him and curse.
Uh … ahem … so that, uh, so that we may present the following piece of weirdness.
Beauregard lies in bed as a ghostly girl dances on the ceiling.
She dances overhead, On the ceiling near my bed. In my sight, Through the night. (scats) I try to hide in vain, Underneath my counterpane. There's my love, Up above.
He plays a harmonica solo as she dances.
I love my ceiling more, Since it is a dancing floor, Just for … my love.
She accidentally breaks a hole in the ceiling. An old lady peeps through the hole.
How many times have I told you?! No dancing on the ceiling!
The opening montage plays.
Welcome again to the wild world of Muppet Sports. Louis Kazagger here in Glasgow, Scotland, where Angus MacGregor is about to attempt to break the world record for bagpipe eating.
Angle on Angus at a table, warming up.
And there's Angus, obviously at the peak of his form. And there's the bagpipe.
A referee fires a pistol.
And they're off! Angus bends back for a tremendous first bite and overhand — oh, wait!
He stabs the bagpipe with a fork, and it comes to life and starts attacking him.
Stop! Don't eat that bagpipe! It's not dead yet!
MacGregor struggles to beat the bagpipe.
Somehow MacGregor has gotten hold of a live bagpipe, one of the deadliest creatures known to man! Wait! This is incredible. MacGregor seems to be getting the upper hand! Yes, it's true, and here it is! A genuine highland fling!
MacGregor spins it around and throws it on the ground. The crowd goes wild.
And there you have it, folks! One of the most astounding feats ever!
The bagpipe gets up and starts firing through its pipes. Louis flees.
Uh, ladies and gentlemen — uh, and of course, Scooter's uncle — once again, it is time for our guest star — and our skateboards — so, let's have a really big hand for Miss Anne Murray! YAAAY!
For the closing number, Anne sings "Everything Old Is New Again" while Scooter, Fozzie, Lew Zealand, pigs from the biker gang, Zoot (playing his sax), and some Whatnots skate around on skateboards.
Kermit rolls onstage.
Heyyyy … this is easier than I thought! Whaaaa… anyway, it's time to go, but we can't until we've said goodbye to a wonderful lady and a great singer, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Anne Murray! YAAAAYY — whaaaa!
Applause as she comes out.
Thank you, Kermit. You know, it's been a lot of fun. You people are just wonderful …
She pats him on the back, which sends him rolling into the orchestra pit. He gets his head stuck in a French horn; Anne pulls him up.
Kermit, are you alright?
Uh — yeah — we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
Other Muppets roll by as Anne blows Kermit out of the horn.
Uh, thanks a lot, Anne.
The credits roll.
You know, something doesn't have to be funny to be good.