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Opening number



Dressing room

Muppet newsflash

Newsman Now for a Muppet newsflash. (runs to the desk) Muppet Labs has just announced that they are recalling their latest model hospital bed used in the "Lime and Coconut" production number. The beds were built on an assembly line formerly used for pop-up toasters.
410 newsman
SPROING! Kermit lands in the newsroom.


"The Gambler"

UK Spot

Veterinarian's Hospital

Piggy frantically wheels the medical trolly towards the operating table.
Announcer Time once again for Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing stoooory of a quack who's gone to the dogs.
Rowlf Well, Nurse Janice, who's the next patient?
Janice Well, see for yourself, Dr. Bob.
He lifts the sheet and reveals the patient — Kermit.
Miss Piggy (gasp) Oh! Oh, it's Kermit! My Kermie! Oh! Oh!
Kermit Uh, take it easy, I'm okay.
Miss Piggy (mutters) Quiet. This is a very dramatic moment. (resumes her hysterics) Oh! Oh! Oh! Kermie! I shall nurse you back to health, if it takes a lifetime! Oh!
Janice What do you think's wrong with him, Dr. Bob?
Rowlf Well, for one thing, he's been badly exposed to over-acting. (laughs) Either that, or overexposed to bad acting. (laughs)
Janice Aw, rully.
Miss Piggy I am not acting. I love him!
Rowlf Uh, Nurse Piggy, you cannot let your personal feelings affect your duty. You are a nurse.
Miss Piggy I may be a nurse, but I'm a woman first.
Rowlf Wrong. You're a pig first! Nurse second. I don't think "woman" made the top ten.
He and Janice laugh.
Miss Piggy (annoyed) Dr. Bob…
Rowlf Oh, he's alright, he's alright. He just looks like he was under heavy sedation.
Janice Well, he was under heavy sedation. A fifty-pound box of sleeping pills fell on his head.
Rowlf and Janice laugh.
Kermit It did not!
Janice I know, but it's my only joke.
Rowlf (laughs)
Miss Piggy Oh! My poor, poor Kermie. Aww.
Rowlf Well, he's still breathing, but I think his pulse is weak.
Miss Piggy Oh — Kermie! Kermie, can you hear me? This is Nurse Piggy! I will never leave your side till you have taken your last breath! Do you think he heard me?
Rowlf He must have. His pulse has stopped. (laughs)
Janice (groans)
Miss Piggy If anything happens to him, you will have me to account to!
Rowlf Good! I was wondering who was gonna pay his bill. (laughs)
Announcer And so we come to the end of another Veterinarian's Hospital. Tune in next week, when you'll hear Kermit say …
Kermit Let me outta here! I wanna get outta here!
410 vets hospital
Miss Piggy No, no, Kermie, no, no, don't — no. Stay here, where it's safe.
The light fixture falls on her.
Rowlf (laughs)
Janice Oh, rully. Rully.
Statler Did you see that?
Wadorf Yes, the frog is certainly taking a beating on this show.
Statler Yeah. It's hard to feel sorry for him. We take a beating every show!
They chuckle.


Muppet newsflash

Newsman Here's a Muppet newsflash. (runs to the desk) The makers of the light fixture used in that last Veterinarian's Hospital have announced that they are recalling all of their hospital lights. A spokesman for the company said that all manufacturing of that particular light fixture has been dropped.
410 news flash 2
BONK! It falls on his head.
Statler Do they sell insurance for this show?
Statler and Waldorf chuckle.

Gonzo's stunt

"Love Lifted Me"


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