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Episode 323: Lynn Redgrave/transcript

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1 00:00:08,699 --> 00:00:09,834 [knock on door]

2 00:00:10,666 --> 00:00:14,336 Lynn Redgrave, 1 5 seconds to curtain, Miss Redgrave.

3 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:15,601 Thank you vey much.

4 00:00:15,666 --> 00:00:19,002 l think it's wonderFul that instead of doing the regular show,

5 00:00:19,066 --> 00:00:23,336 - you're going to be doing Robin Hood. - Yeah, the rehearsals went great.

6 00:00:23,399 --> 00:00:25,869 There's just one scene that needs more work.

7 00:00:25,933 --> 00:00:27,267 Oh, which one?

8 00:00:28,166 --> 00:00:29,867 Uh, let me guess.

9 00:00:29,933 --> 00:00:31,367 The archey contest?

10 00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:35,102 Excuse me, did you see a pointy thing go by?

11 00:00:37,366 --> 00:00:38,600 [drumroll]

12 00:00:38,666 --> 00:00:44,371 lt's rhe Muppet Show with our vey special guest star, Lynn Redgrave. Yey!

13 00:00:58,466 --> 00:01:02,236

  1. It's time to play the music

It's time to light the light

14 00:01:02,299 --> 00:01:06,404

  1. It's time to meet the Muppets

on The Muppet Show tonight

15 00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:10,770

  1. It's time to put on makeup

It's time to dress up right

16 00:01:10,833 --> 00:01:12,534

  1. It's time to get things started

17 00:01:12,599 --> 00:01:14,501

  1. Why don't you get things started ?

18 00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:18,535 Say, that was good.

19 00:01:19,066 --> 00:01:21,001

  1. It's time to get things started

20 00:01:21,066 --> 00:01:23,234

  1. On the most sensational, inspirational

21 00:01:23,299 --> 00:01:25,435

  1. Celebrational, Muppetational

22 00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:31,038

  1. This is what we call

The Muppet Show #

23 00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:34,534 - [fanfare] - [screaming]

24 00:01:37,966 --> 00:01:40,835 Thank you, thank you, and welcome to rhe Muppet Show,

25 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:43,569 in which we are going to spend the entire program

26 00:01:43,633 --> 00:01:47,069 doing a unique production of Robin Hood. It's gonna be terrific

27 00:01:47,133 --> 00:01:50,569 because our guest is one of the great ladies of stage and screen,

28 00:01:50,633 --> 00:01:51,900 Miss Lynn Redgrave.

29 00:01:51,966 --> 00:01:55,402 And so, without further ado, or a-don't...

30 00:01:56,299 --> 00:01:59,603 Ladies and gentlemen, the Muppet players with Lynn Redgrave

31 00:01:59,666 --> 00:02:02,235 proudly present Robin Hood.

32 00:02:09,599 --> 00:02:11,935

  1. l wish you all a fond hello

33 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,835

  1. My name is Allen-a-Dale

34 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:16,035

  1. My hope is that we entertain

35 00:02:16,099 --> 00:02:17,968

  1. With this, our evening's tale

36 00:02:18,033 --> 00:02:22,070

  1. In Sherwood Forest, dark and deep

mells Robin H_ in sooth

37 00:02:22,133 --> 00:02:24,535

  1. An outlaw and his Mery Men

38 00:02:24,599 --> 00:02:27,703

  1. They're living fast and looth #

39 00:02:28,433 --> 00:02:30,201 Fast and looth?

40 00:02:30,266 --> 00:02:33,502 Come on, give me a break. l'm usually the gopher around here.

41 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:36,335 - Time to cavort. - Cavort!

42 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,535 - Cavort! - Oh, my.

43 00:02:38,599 --> 00:02:41,269 [up-tempo tune plays]

44 00:02:43,866 --> 00:02:45,901 [singing in mock Swedish]

45 00:02:51,733 --> 00:02:53,734 [snorting]

46 00:02:56,900 --> 00:03:00,536 Ow! Ow! Ow! Let me go!

47 00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:10,901 [snorting]

48 00:03:12,866 --> 00:03:14,434 So how's it going?

49 00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:18,670 Oh, well, looks a little bit like feeding time on a freaky farm.

50 00:03:18,733 --> 00:03:19,834 [laughing]

51 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,502 l'm stage managing since Kermit's in the show.

52 00:03:22,566 --> 00:03:24,501 Could you help me move some sceney?

53 00:03:24,566 --> 00:03:27,201 l'm sory, Scoots. l'd love to, but l'm on strike.

54 00:03:27,266 --> 00:03:29,001 On strike? Well, why?

55 00:03:29,066 --> 00:03:31,368 l don't dig all this Robin Hood iazz.

56 00:03:31,433 --> 00:03:34,636 l prefer things more hip and less green.

57 00:03:34,699 --> 00:03:35,867 Great.

58 00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:38,535 More hip and less green. Now what am l gonna do?

59 00:03:38,599 --> 00:03:40,201 - Hey, Bo? - Yes, sir.

60 00:03:40,266 --> 00:03:42,368 - Could you move that sceney? - Yes.

61 00:03:45,366 --> 00:03:48,102 - That was an easy job. - Sure.

62 00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:50,268 [revely continues]

63 00:03:51,933 --> 00:03:54,402 Cavort, cavort, cavort...

64 00:03:55,066 --> 00:03:57,034 Hey, hey, hey, hold it.

65 00:03:57,099 --> 00:03:59,869 Prithee, prithee, hey, cooleth it.

66 00:03:59,933 --> 00:04:01,968 Oh, what is it, Little John?

67 00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:04,468 You guys are not cavorting right.

68 00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:07,836 This is the proper way to cavort. [clears throat]

69 00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:11,370 Cavort, cavort, cavort, cavort... You got that?

70 00:04:11,433 --> 00:04:13,034 Cavort like that. You got it?

71 00:04:13,099 --> 00:04:14,401 - No. - No!

72 00:04:14,466 --> 00:04:17,936 Well, you better practice 'cause Robin Hood will be here any minute.

73 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,000 Ahh!

74 00:04:20,899 --> 00:04:23,369 - It's a note from Robin Hood. - What does it say?

75 00:04:23,433 --> 00:04:26,102 - l'll be here any minute now. - What did l tell you?

76 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,401 [fanfare]

77 00:04:30,199 --> 00:04:32,602 - Hi-ho, Little John. - Hi-ho, Robin Hood.

78 00:04:32,666 --> 00:04:35,035 - Hi-ho, Mery Men. - Hi-ho, Robin Hood.

79 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:37,235 - Well rehearsed. - Thank you vey much.

80 00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:39,935 Maid Marian will be here and the place looks a mess.

81 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:43,036 - What have you been doing? - Oh, well, you see, uh...

82 00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:44,434 Cavorting, right?

83 00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,435 Well, cavorting wrong, actually.

84 00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:48,401 [fanfare]

85 00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:01,302 - Oh, fair Maid Marian. - Oh, good Robin Hood.

86 00:05:01,366 --> 00:05:04,368 - Did thou have a pleasant journey? - Oh, aye. Forsooth.

87 00:05:04,433 --> 00:05:08,303 But methinks l was followed by the wicked Sheriff of Nottingham's men.

88 00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:10,034 [all gasping] Egads!

89 00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,335 We haven't got much time then. Little John?

90 00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,101 - Yes? - Tell the men to prepare.

91 00:05:14,166 --> 00:05:16,768 Yes, sir. Look... Prepare what?

92 00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:19,735 - To cavort! - Cavorting!

93 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,635 Cavort, cavort...

94 00:05:21,699 --> 00:05:26,171

  1. Hooray, hooray

It's such a lovely day

95 00:05:26,233 --> 00:05:28,935

  1. Singing, hey, down

Mery down, down

96 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,302

  1. Fol, rol, riddle, rol

Hey, noney, no

97 00:05:31,366 --> 00:05:33,968 - # With a dum, dum, diddle, dum - # Dum, dum, diddle, dum

98 00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:36,301

  1. Hey, down

Mery down, down

99 00:05:36,366 --> 00:05:37,834 Hee hee.

100 00:05:38,866 --> 00:05:40,867 - Yeah. - Whee!

101 00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:48,402

  1. Singing, hey, down

Mery down, down

102 00:05:48,466 --> 00:05:51,001

  1. Fol, rol, riddle, rol

Hey, noney, no

103 00:05:51,066 --> 00:05:53,701 - Ahh! Robin, help! - To the dungeons.

104 00:05:53,766 --> 00:05:56,435

  1. Hey, down

Mery down, down #

105 00:05:59,733 --> 00:06:01,134 Thank you.

106 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,568 Hey, where's Marian?

107 00:06:04,633 --> 00:06:06,234 - Marian? - Marian?

108 00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:08,001 Marian! Marian?

109 00:06:08,066 --> 00:06:09,333 - Maid Marian! - Marian?

110 00:06:09,399 --> 00:06:12,402 Well, l've seen a lot of versions of Robin Hood,

111 00:06:12,466 --> 00:06:14,835 - but none to match this one. - How's that?

112 00:06:14,899 --> 00:06:17,235 - The others were all good. - [laughing]

113 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,535 Bo, set up the torture scene.

114 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,736 Oh, the torture scene's going to be really fun.

115 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,134 Yeah, well...

116 00:06:25,199 --> 00:06:28,536 OK, nicely cavorted, Mery Men. Nicely cavorted.

117 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:32,704 You liked the cavorting? You should see us in a full frolic.

118 00:06:34,166 --> 00:06:37,269 OK, that Lynn Redgrave is wonderFul as Maid Marian.

119 00:06:37,333 --> 00:06:38,867 lt's a demanding role.

120 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,803 - Hmm, speaking of a demanding role... - Yeah?

121 00:06:42,866 --> 00:06:45,301 l do not have a role in this production.

122 00:06:45,366 --> 00:06:47,634 And l am demanding one.

123 00:06:48,633 --> 00:06:52,236 You see, there's only one female part, that's Maid Marian.

124 00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:54,035 Lynn Redgrave is playing that.

125 00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:57,369 Oh, Kermie, you were not listening, dear.

126 00:06:57,433 --> 00:07:00,702 l said, l am demanding one!

127 00:07:01,933 --> 00:07:03,834 Yeah. Well, let's see, uh...

128 00:07:03,899 --> 00:07:06,235 l guess there is a part here you can play.

129 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,702 - Let's see. - It'll take a little rewriting.

130 00:07:08,766 --> 00:07:11,268 - l'm sure you'd be perFect for it. - l can do it!

131 00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:12,934 Yes, yes, what is it? Hmm? Hmm?

132 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,569 - Well, it's, uh... It's... - Uh-huh?

133 00:07:16,333 --> 00:07:17,834 Sister Tuck.

134 00:07:19,966 --> 00:07:21,734 Sister Tuck?

135 00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:26,269 - Well, you couldn't play Friar Tuck. - Sister Tuck?

136 00:07:27,399 --> 00:07:30,336 Torture scene on next. On stage for the torture scene.

137 00:07:30,399 --> 00:07:32,602 You want torture, l'll give you torture.

138 00:07:32,666 --> 00:07:35,835 Hi-ya! Where are you?

139 00:07:35,899 --> 00:07:37,968 - Piggy, let me explain. - Sister Tuck!

140 00:07:38,033 --> 00:07:39,267 - Ahh! - Sister Tuck?

141 00:07:44,633 --> 00:07:46,468 Bring in the prisoner.

142 00:07:47,666 --> 00:07:49,801 - [Marian screaming] - Move it, move it.

143 00:07:49,866 --> 00:07:53,035 - Move it. Please move it. - [screaming]

144 00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:55,502 Get up there, OK.

145 00:07:55,566 --> 00:07:57,868 - Um, here she is. - Oh! Oh!

146 00:07:57,933 --> 00:08:02,470 Ah, Maid Marian, you are now a dungeon guest

147 00:08:02,533 --> 00:08:06,737 of the Sheriff of Nottingham. [cackling]

148 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,269 Oh, no, not the Sheriff of Nottingham.

149 00:08:09,333 --> 00:08:11,435 Oh, no, no, that's the Great Gonzo.

150 00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:14,102 No, you fool, that's the Sheriff of Nottingham.

151 00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:17,569 Yeah, sory, l keep forgetting it's a play.

152 00:08:17,633 --> 00:08:20,369 l have you in my power now, my pre_.

153 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:22,902 You black-hearted villainous swine.

154 00:08:22,966 --> 00:08:26,436 Oh, you silver-tongued flatterer.

155 00:08:27,166 --> 00:08:28,734 l demand to be set free.

156 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:34,472 Not until you tell me the exact location of Robin Hood's hideout.

157 00:08:34,533 --> 00:08:36,668 l'll never tell you. Never!

158 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:39,868 - That's terrific. - Thank you.

159 00:08:39,933 --> 00:08:42,168 And now it's torture time.

160 00:08:45,666 --> 00:08:49,336 - Just ty and make me talk. - All right!

161 00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:53,169 We have ways of making you talk.

162 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,635 Take these thumbscrews, for instance.

163 00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:57,435 All right. What do they do?

164 00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:59,735 - Put your thumb in here like this. - Yes.

165 00:08:59,799 --> 00:09:02,402 - That's it, then turn the handle. - This way?

166 00:09:02,466 --> 00:09:04,034 - No, the other way. - Sory.

167 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:07,436 That's better. When you do that it presses the bar on the thumb.

168 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:10,002 Whoo! Ahh! Whoo!

169 00:09:10,066 --> 00:09:12,001 Ooh! Ow! Wow.

170 00:09:12,066 --> 00:09:16,103 - All right, now will you talk? - No. l'll never tell you, never.

171 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,669 All right, another turn.

172 00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,334 You're wasting your time.

173 00:09:22,399 --> 00:09:24,401 Whaaa! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

174 00:09:24,466 --> 00:09:26,734 You could be right about that.

175 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:31,370 Ooh, but you won't talk so bravely on the rack, my dear.

176 00:09:31,433 --> 00:09:35,170 - The rack? What's that? - You'll wish you never asked.

177 00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:41,436 - Gonzo's tying to get himself killed. - Yeah, but he won't make it.

178 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,768 He never succeeds at anything.

179 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,467 [laughing]

180 00:09:45,533 --> 00:09:48,469 Best he can hope for is maimed.

181 00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:53,069 Manacles secured, hand and foot, right?

182 00:09:54,233 --> 00:09:58,270 Correct. There is no escape from this pain.

183 00:09:58,333 --> 00:10:00,601 - Ugh. - This pain here?

184 00:10:01,366 --> 00:10:03,101 Whoo! Ooh!

185 00:10:04,366 --> 00:10:06,968 Yes! Isn't that terrific?

186 00:10:07,866 --> 00:10:09,867 [screaming]

187 00:10:09,933 --> 00:10:13,069 Come on, talk. How much more of this can you take?

188 00:10:13,133 --> 00:10:15,635 [screaming]

189 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:21,402 Good Sheriff, l can take no more of this.

190 00:10:21,466 --> 00:10:25,169 l've got to go and stretch out for a nap in my dressing room.

191 00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:26,901 Goodbye.

192 00:10:28,233 --> 00:10:29,400 Hey, wait!

193 00:10:29,466 --> 00:10:32,435 Wait! We haven't even tried the boiling oil yet.

194 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:34,101 Ahh! Ahh!

195 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,669 Torture scene over. Archey scene next.

196 00:10:37,733 --> 00:10:40,335 Stand by, archers and peons.

197 00:10:40,399 --> 00:10:43,703 Archers and peons, Scooter. l'm on, too.

198 00:10:43,766 --> 00:10:48,604 But, Scooter, come on! l've got to get this out for the archey contest.

199 00:10:48,666 --> 00:10:51,802 - Somebody give me a hand. - [Gonzo] You say you want a hand?

200 00:10:53,666 --> 00:10:55,034 You got one.

201 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,202 - [fanfare] - [applause]

202 00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:07,668

  1. The day of the archey contest

203 00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:09,801

  1. There isn't one seat left to sell

204 00:11:09,866 --> 00:11:12,702

  1. The crowd on the green's

packed as tight as sardines

205 00:11:12,766 --> 00:11:15,735

  1. Which might

also account for the smell

206 00:11:15,799 --> 00:11:17,935 [fanfare]

207 00:11:20,433 --> 00:11:22,001 [crowd booing]

208 00:11:25,033 --> 00:11:27,368

  1. Both contestants

Iook g_ to the experts

209 00:11:27,433 --> 00:11:29,568

  1. Yes, the winner

is tricky to choose

210 00:11:29,633 --> 00:11:32,202

  1. But l'll stick my neck out

and, without any doubt

211 00:11:32,266 --> 00:11:34,668

  1. Say the other guy's certain to lose

212 00:11:35,266 --> 00:11:37,468

  1. Is that it?

Is that all you can tell us?

213 00:11:37,533 --> 00:11:40,502 - # Well... - # As our archers warm up on the track

214 00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:42,935

  1. But, regremably,

he only gets to say...

215 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,034 Gee.

216 00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:46,669

  1. ...when a practice shot

cancels his act

217 00:11:47,366 --> 00:11:48,934 [groaning]

218 00:11:52,633 --> 00:11:57,371

  1. Black Bart is the opening archer

the Sheri_ of Wottingham's man

219 00:11:57,433 --> 00:12:00,669

  1. With the strength of an ox

the nerve of a fox

220 00:12:00,733 --> 00:12:03,802

  1. And the brains of a goosebery flan

221 00:12:03,866 --> 00:12:07,469 - [fanfare] - Shh!

222 00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:12,602 [laughter]

223 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:16,202

  1. But the sheri_ has bribed

and corrupted a youth

224 00:12:16,266 --> 00:12:18,635

  1. The rules of the contest to bend

225 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:21,636

  1. He never heard say

that crime doesn't pay

226 00:12:23,566 --> 00:12:25,901 - Ooh! - # He sure gets the point in the end

227 00:12:25,966 --> 00:12:27,667 [laughter and cheering]

228 00:12:29,399 --> 00:12:31,702

  1. So with Black Bart

awarded a bull's-eye

229 00:12:31,766 --> 00:12:34,201

  1. There's little poor Robin can do

230 00:12:34,266 --> 00:12:37,602

  1. Save to trust to his luck

his nerve and his pluck

231 00:12:39,566 --> 00:12:42,936

  1. And split Black Bart's arrow in mo #

232 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,203 - [cheering] - [fanfare]

233 00:12:51,766 --> 00:12:55,469 Thank you, thank you. My pleasure. Nice contest.

234 00:12:56,566 --> 00:12:57,667 [clears throat]

235 00:12:57,733 --> 00:13:00,502 During this interval, it is my great pleasure

236 00:13:00,566 --> 00:13:02,834 to present the author of tonight's drama.

237 00:13:02,899 --> 00:13:06,603 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. William Shakespeare.

238 00:13:09,133 --> 00:13:10,300 Delighted.

239 00:13:10,366 --> 00:13:12,868 You are the William Shakespeare?

240 00:13:12,933 --> 00:13:15,101 l am a William Shakespeare, yeah.

241 00:13:15,866 --> 00:13:18,535 Mr. Shakespeare, what an honor.

242 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:22,337 Do you know l saw rhe Sound ofMusic at least a dozen times?

243 00:13:23,366 --> 00:13:24,867 Wait iust a minute.

244 00:13:24,933 --> 00:13:27,802 This here William Shakespeare is my nom de plume.

245 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,868 - Your what? - My pen name.

246 00:13:31,733 --> 00:13:34,235 Then you are not the real William Shakespeare?

247 00:13:34,299 --> 00:13:37,603 - Oh, of course not. - Of course not!

248 00:13:37,666 --> 00:13:41,770 l can see that now. He was a bearded man.

249 00:13:41,833 --> 00:13:44,435 - And you're much younger. - And he's dead.

250 00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:45,701 And he's...

251 00:13:46,566 --> 00:13:48,100 ls he?!

252 00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:50,768 Oh, l didn't know. l'm so sory.

253 00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:53,335 - l didn't realize. - Yeah, l can see that.

254 00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:56,603 Tell me, did he leave a wife and children?

255 00:13:56,666 --> 00:13:59,702 Well, as far as l'm aware, he left just about evemhing.

256 00:13:59,766 --> 00:14:02,268 lncluding an unfinished play, Heny Vlll.

257 00:14:03,333 --> 00:14:05,101 That's a tragedy.

258 00:14:05,166 --> 00:14:07,201 Well, it certainly isn't a comedy.

259 00:14:08,066 --> 00:14:10,168 And, by adopting his name,

260 00:14:10,233 --> 00:14:13,202 you hope to keep something of his legend alive.

261 00:14:13,266 --> 00:14:15,501 Yeah. Principally his royalties.

262 00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:19,435 - His what? - His royalty payments.

263 00:14:20,833 --> 00:14:22,768 - You're good. - Thank you.

264 00:14:22,833 --> 00:14:27,170 Tell me, could you please recite a portion of his masterpieces?

265 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:30,202 Uh, sure, but let me get an actor to do it properly.

266 00:14:30,266 --> 00:14:32,534 - Hey! Hey, you, actor. - Excuse me.

267 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,501 You wanna read this for me, please?

268 00:14:34,566 --> 00:14:37,101 - Uh... - This is an actor?

269 00:14:38,233 --> 00:14:40,635 To be or not to be...

270 00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:43,002 [mock Swedish]

271 00:14:47,366 --> 00:14:49,034 l didn't understand all of it,

272 00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:51,669 but l'm certain the English people enjoyed it.

273 00:14:51,733 --> 00:14:53,067 Now back to work.

274 00:14:54,666 --> 00:14:55,833 Don't litter.

275 00:15:02,933 --> 00:15:04,901 Oh, prithee, fair Maid Marian,

276 00:15:04,966 --> 00:15:08,302 thank you for joining me in this here fair glen here.

277 00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:12,002 Oh, good Robin Hood, this was the vey spot that we first met.

278 00:15:12,066 --> 00:15:14,835 - Yeah, verily. - Yes, and l shall always remember it.

279 00:15:14,899 --> 00:15:18,003 And how surprised l was to meet the famous Robin Hood.

280 00:15:18,066 --> 00:15:20,168 Surprised? In what way, surprised?

281 00:15:20,233 --> 00:15:21,667 Um... Well, um...

282 00:15:21,733 --> 00:15:24,402 Was it the fact that l'm a daring robber?

283 00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:27,869 Or the fact that l'm debonair and handsome?

284 00:15:27,933 --> 00:15:31,836 No, it was the fact that you were a frog.

285 00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,301 You noticed that, huh?

286 00:15:36,366 --> 00:15:38,868 Yes, well, l couldn't help noticing.

287 00:15:38,933 --> 00:15:41,135 Particularly since l'm not one.

288 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,903 Oh. Well, um, listen, Marian.

289 00:15:44,966 --> 00:15:46,701 Don't let that wory you.

290 00:15:47,666 --> 00:15:50,035

  1. Your eyes are not bulgy

291 00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:52,335

  1. You don't live in a swamp

292 00:15:52,399 --> 00:15:54,935

  1. You don't hop or turn somersaults

293 00:15:55,799 --> 00:15:58,369

  1. Your feet are not webbed

294 00:15:58,433 --> 00:16:00,902

  1. And you never eat flies

295 00:16:00,966 --> 00:16:03,401

  1. l'm sory to dwell on your faults

296 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,469

  1. And yet l still

297 00:16:08,266 --> 00:16:09,667

  1. Love you

298 00:16:09,733 --> 00:16:12,936

  1. l always will love you

299 00:16:13,666 --> 00:16:16,769

  1. You shine in my mind

300 00:16:16,833 --> 00:16:18,701

  1. Like a dream

301 00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:24,537 - # And, yet, l still love you - # La, la, la

302 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:28,070 - # La, la, la, la, la, la - # l alwayswill love you

303 00:16:28,133 --> 00:16:33,771 - # Although you are not even green - # La, la, la, la, la, la

304 00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:38,501

  1. l know l'm an odd one

305 00:16:38,566 --> 00:16:40,334

  1. l'm not like a fr_

306 00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:43,302

  1. My head is all covered with hair

307 00:16:44,233 --> 00:16:46,702

  1. No flippers, no bulges

308 00:16:46,766 --> 00:16:49,001

  1. Wo croaking, no warts

309 00:16:49,066 --> 00:16:53,904

  1. Wo wonder that sometimes you stare

310 00:16:53,966 --> 00:16:56,401

  1. And yet

311 00:16:56,466 --> 00:16:59,402

  1. If you love me

312 00:16:59,466 --> 00:17:02,569

  1. You know that l love you

313 00:17:02,633 --> 00:17:05,669

  1. You shine in my mind

314 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:08,001

  1. Like a dream

315 00:17:08,866 --> 00:17:12,069

  1. And so if l love you

316 00:17:12,133 --> 00:17:16,270

  1. l really do love you

317 00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:19,369

  1. Who cares if you're not

318 00:17:19,433 --> 00:17:23,904

  1. Even green #

319 00:17:34,666 --> 00:17:36,300 - Good Robin Hood? - _ye_

320 00:17:36,366 --> 00:17:39,869 - Pray, kiss me sweetly. - Ooh.

321 00:17:41,366 --> 00:17:43,034 Hello.

322 00:17:43,099 --> 00:17:45,068 - [clearing throat] - Piggy!

323 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,268 - Privy, Robin Hood. - What?

324 00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:52,003 Thou art wanted in yon... thicket.

325 00:17:52,133 --> 00:17:53,767 [Kermit screaming]

326 00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:57,669 - [Marian screaming] - OK, Maid Marian, to the dungeon.

327 00:17:57,733 --> 00:18:00,702 Oh, Robin, Robin, no!

328 00:18:00,766 --> 00:18:03,902 Hmm. What'd you think of Miss Piggy's outFit?

329 00:18:03,966 --> 00:18:05,934 l think she ought to kick the habit.

330 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,468 [laughing]

331 00:18:08,633 --> 00:18:11,902 - That's an old joke. - So are you.

332 00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,434 [laughing]

333 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,501 [Marian screaming]

334 00:18:16,833 --> 00:18:19,135 - Miss Piggy, l want to talk to you. - Oh.

335 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,736 You mean, you wish an audience with Sister Tuck?

336 00:18:22,799 --> 00:18:26,970 [sighs] No, l want to talk to you. l want to know what you did with Lynn.

337 00:18:27,033 --> 00:18:30,536 Oh, oh, remember, blessed are the meek.

338 00:18:31,866 --> 00:18:33,567 What did you do with her?

339 00:18:34,533 --> 00:18:37,469 - Meeker. - [sighs]

340 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:41,103 - Uh, what did you do with her? - Oh, that's nice.

341 00:18:41,833 --> 00:18:44,468 She is in yonder dressing room. She's OK.

342 00:18:44,533 --> 00:18:47,302 Yeah, but the big dungeon scene is coming up next.

343 00:18:47,366 --> 00:18:49,868 - l'll go tell her. - No, no, um...

344 00:18:49,933 --> 00:18:53,336 l should tell her. It is the least that moi can do.

345 00:18:57,733 --> 00:18:59,601 Town crier on stage.

346 00:18:59,666 --> 00:19:03,870 Scooter, the town crier is on stage, but he can't go on.

347 00:19:03,933 --> 00:19:07,303 - Why not? - He lost his onion. Ahh!

348 00:19:07,366 --> 00:19:09,434 See, the onion makes him cy, and...

349 00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:12,269 - Will you get out of here?! - l wrote that myself.

350 00:19:14,566 --> 00:19:17,001 - Five o'clock and all's well. - [barking]

351 00:19:17,066 --> 00:19:18,934 Five o'clock and all's well.

352 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,335 Except that Maid Marian has been kidnapped,

353 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,102 the sherims up to no good, the dog is stealing cheese,

354 00:19:24,166 --> 00:19:26,735 Kermit's mad at Piggy and it's really only 4:30.

355 00:19:33,766 --> 00:19:37,369 - So how goes the night? - 'Tis dark but still.

356 00:19:37,433 --> 00:19:39,201 - Still what? - Still dark.

357 00:19:39,266 --> 00:19:41,101 [laughing]

358 00:19:41,166 --> 00:19:43,001 That's a good one.

359 00:19:44,366 --> 00:19:46,634 Our prisoner, Maid Marian, is safe.

360 00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:48,001 - Yes. - Yeah.

361 00:19:48,066 --> 00:19:49,801 - Yoo-hoo. - Hark! A noise.

362 00:19:49,866 --> 00:19:51,667 - What? - Ah-ha!

363 00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,734 - [grunting] - Ah-ha!

364 00:19:53,799 --> 00:19:57,637 Hold fast, good sir, lest l strike you again with my quarterstaff.

365 00:19:57,700 --> 00:20:00,602 That's a cheap weapon. Mine cost 50 cents.

366 00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:04,168 That's a cheap joke. You'll pay for that.

367 00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:06,034 [grunting]

368 00:20:07,533 --> 00:20:09,868 Float like a butterFly, sting like a frog.

369 00:20:12,666 --> 00:20:14,000 [panting]

370 00:20:14,066 --> 00:20:15,167 [grunting]

371 00:20:15,233 --> 00:20:17,335 - Uh-uh. - [grunting]

372 00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:19,233 Yeah! Yeah!

373 00:20:19,299 --> 00:20:22,403 All right, Kermit! Robin Hood, l mean. Yes!

374 00:20:22,466 --> 00:20:27,370 Oh, sir, Robin Hood, thou did smite him mightily on the pâté.

375 00:20:27,433 --> 00:20:29,868 l believe that's pate.

376 00:20:29,933 --> 00:20:31,801 l'm sory. Kermit, l'm sory.

377 00:20:31,866 --> 00:20:33,901 Yes, but good men of Sherwood Forest,

378 00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:37,135 we must now sneak away and rescue Maid Marian.

379 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,835 - Sneak and rescue! - Sneak away!

380 00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:41,067 [shouting]

381 00:20:41,133 --> 00:20:44,069 Wait! Wait, men! We must go hushily.

382 00:20:44,133 --> 00:20:46,068 Oh, hushily. Hush.

383 00:20:46,133 --> 00:20:47,434 Shh. Shh.

384 00:20:48,933 --> 00:20:51,769 Ooh. Hark, it is the beautiful Maid Marian.

385 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:53,000 Lights.

386 00:20:53,066 --> 00:20:55,868 [gasps] Piggy!

387 00:20:55,933 --> 00:20:59,102 Oh, Robin Hood, l am sav-ed.

388 00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:00,767 Oh! Oh!

389 00:21:00,833 --> 00:21:03,035 Piggy, where's Lynn Redgrave?

390 00:21:03,099 --> 00:21:05,035 Um... stage fright.

391 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,668 She won't come out of her dressing room.

392 00:21:08,733 --> 00:21:12,369 l thought it best if l took over her part.

393 00:21:12,433 --> 00:21:14,468 Piggy? Stage fright?

394 00:21:15,033 --> 00:21:16,467 Stage fright?

395 00:21:16,533 --> 00:21:21,170 But also... her dressing room door became sort of stuck.

396 00:21:21,233 --> 00:21:22,734 [gasps] Stuck?

397 00:21:22,799 --> 00:21:25,702 Quick, my Mery Men, to the rescue!

398 00:21:25,766 --> 00:21:27,834 [Kermit] Come on, let's go! Away we go!

399 00:21:27,900 --> 00:21:30,902 Hold it, wait! It's me. l'm stuck here.

400 00:21:30,966 --> 00:21:33,601 Hey, come on. Help! Police!

401 00:21:34,433 --> 00:21:37,202 - Will the sheriff do? - What?

402 00:21:37,266 --> 00:21:40,268 - [screams] - Kissy, kissy.

403 00:21:40,333 --> 00:21:41,734 [screaming]

404 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,935 - How goes it? - Strange.

405 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,168 Strange but still.

406 00:21:48,833 --> 00:21:50,367 Still what?

407 00:21:50,433 --> 00:21:53,035 - Still strange. - [both laughing]

408 00:21:55,566 --> 00:21:58,068 Our prisoner, Lynn Redgrave, is safe.

409 00:21:58,133 --> 00:21:59,501 [Lynn yells]

410 00:21:59,566 --> 00:22:01,267 - And loud. - Hmm.

411 00:22:01,333 --> 00:22:03,868 [Lynn] Someone help me! l'm supposed to be on stage!

412 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,901 - Help! - Knock-knock.

413 00:22:06,966 --> 00:22:08,734 Who's there? [grunts]

414 00:22:08,799 --> 00:22:10,368 - [gasps] - Ah-ha!

415 00:22:10,433 --> 00:22:12,067 Stand fast, good sir.

416 00:22:12,133 --> 00:22:15,469 Move not, lest l strike thee also with my quarterstaff.

417 00:22:15,533 --> 00:22:18,035 Ha! Mine cost a buck, 95.

418 00:22:18,099 --> 00:22:19,968 [laughing] Ooh, ow!

419 00:22:20,033 --> 00:22:22,235 - Ooh, a swordfight. - Yes.

420 00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:23,801 [grunting]

421 00:22:25,799 --> 00:22:27,768 Wait a minute. Tickle, tickle.

422 00:22:27,833 --> 00:22:29,367 [laughing]

423 00:22:29,433 --> 00:22:32,102 - [crashing] - Mery Men, to the rescue!

424 00:22:32,166 --> 00:22:34,334 [man] Hooray! To the rescue! Come on!

425 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,436 Ho, ho, Maid Marian. Victoy is ours.

426 00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:40,302 Oh, Robin Hood and his Mery Men.

427 00:22:40,366 --> 00:22:41,967 [all shouting indistinctly]

428 00:22:42,033 --> 00:22:44,268

  1. Hooray! Hooray!

429 00:22:44,333 --> 00:22:46,735

  1. My Robin saved the day

430 00:22:46,799 --> 00:22:49,469

  1. Singing, hey, down

Mery down, down

431 00:22:49,533 --> 00:22:52,035

  1. Fol, rol, riddle, rol

Hey, noney, no

432 00:22:52,099 --> 00:22:54,535

  1. With a dum, dum, diddle, dum

Dum, dum, diddle, dum

433 00:22:54,599 --> 00:22:57,669 Quiet! Shh! Listen, listen, shh.

434 00:22:57,733 --> 00:23:00,335 Kermit, shouldn't we be doing this on the stage?

435 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:04,971 On the stage? You're right. Quick, Mery Men, to the stage!

436 00:23:05,033 --> 00:23:07,835 - [all shouting] - To the forest, here we go.

437 00:23:07,900 --> 00:23:11,103 To the forest! To the forest!

438 00:23:11,166 --> 00:23:15,336 Come quickly. Come, Robin. Come, Mery Men, to the greensward.

439 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,536 - To the greensward! - To the greensward!

440 00:23:18,599 --> 00:23:21,636 - Come! - To the greensward!

441 00:23:23,299 --> 00:23:25,101 Yey! Yey!

442 00:23:25,166 --> 00:23:27,701 - # Wewon - # Wewon

443 00:23:27,766 --> 00:23:30,335

  1. And now our play is done

444 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,136

  1. Our fair maid

has been fr_ from the fort

445 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,468

  1. By my brave little prince of the wart

446 00:23:35,533 --> 00:23:37,868

  1. Wow there's naught to do but resort

447 00:23:37,933 --> 00:23:40,235

  1. To a feisty old cavort

448 00:23:40,299 --> 00:23:43,069

  1. Singing, hey, down

Mery down, down

449 00:23:43,133 --> 00:23:45,702

  1. Fol, rol, riddle, rol

Hey, noney, no

450 00:23:45,766 --> 00:23:48,168

  1. With the most sensational,

cavort-ational

451 00:23:48,233 --> 00:23:50,668

  1. Inspirational, Muppetational

452 00:23:50,733 --> 00:23:56,271

  1. Tale of Robin H_ #

453 00:24:05,566 --> 00:24:07,768 [applause]

454 00:24:31,133 --> 00:24:34,369 Kermit, this has been a most unique theatrical experience.

455 00:24:34,433 --> 00:24:36,968 Oh, thank you. We can take that as a compliment?

456 00:24:37,666 --> 00:24:39,300 Um...

457 00:24:39,799 --> 00:24:42,369 Well, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show.

458 00:24:42,433 --> 00:24:44,001 - Bye. - Kissy, kissy.

459 00:24:44,066 --> 00:24:46,234 Miss Piggy, excuse me. Thank you.

460 00:24:46,299 --> 00:24:49,469 Thank you, thank you. It was nice to be here.

461 00:24:49,533 --> 00:24:52,168 Thank you. Yes, l played 36 all of them.

462 00:24:52,233 --> 00:24:53,767 Thank you. Thank you, Lynn.

463 00:24:53,833 --> 00:24:56,468 Thank you vey much, all the helpers.

464 00:24:56,533 --> 00:24:58,935 Thank you, all the little people back there.

465 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,736 Thank you, Lynn. Thank you, Uncle J.P.

466 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,735 The legend of Robin Hood will never die.

467 00:25:24,799 --> 00:25:27,335 No, but it sure got wounded pre_ bad tonight.

468 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,101 [laughing]

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