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Episode 320: Sylvester Stallone/transcript

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1 00:00:08,699 --> 00:00:10,968 [knocking]

2 00:00:11,033 --> 00:00:14,469 Sylvester Stallone, 1 5 seconds to curtain, Mr. Stallone.

3 00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:17,902 - Evemhing OK? - Oh, yeah, l'm happy as a clam.

4 00:00:17,966 --> 00:00:20,868 [clams moaning]

5 00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:22,534 l'm so miserable!

6 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,034 My back hurts!

7 00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:26,135 l've gotta work overtime tonight.

8 00:00:26,199 --> 00:00:28,335 Well, happy as some clams.

9 00:00:30,133 --> 00:00:31,534 [drum roll]

10 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:35,637 lt's rhe Muppet Show with our vey special guest star, Sylvester Stallone!

11 00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:37,701 Yay!

12 00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:55,070

  1. It's time to play the music

It's time to light the light

13 00:00:55,133 --> 00:00:59,070

  1. It's time to meet the Muppets

on The Muppet Show tonight

14 00:00:59,133 --> 00:01:03,437

  1. It's time to put on makeup

It's time to dress up right

15 00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:05,235

  1. It's time to get things started

16 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,502

  1. Why don't you get things started?

17 00:01:07,566 --> 00:01:10,235 Hey, don't you guys ever dust in here?

18 00:01:10,299 --> 00:01:11,701 [coughing]

19 00:01:11,766 --> 00:01:13,601

  1. It's time to get things started

20 00:01:13,666 --> 00:01:15,934

  1. On the most sensational, inspirational

21 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,202

  1. Celebrational, Muppetational

22 00:01:18,266 --> 00:01:24,038

  1. This is what we call

The Muppet Show! #

23 00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:32,000 [applause]

24 00:01:32,066 --> 00:01:35,002 Thank you, thank you, and welcome again to rhe Muppet Show.

25 00:01:35,066 --> 00:01:38,869 lt's gonna be a wonderFul show tonight because our special guest is a writer,

26 00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:41,902 director and the talented star of that popular film Rocky,

27 00:01:41,966 --> 00:01:43,734 Mr. Sylvester Stallone!

28 00:01:43,799 --> 00:01:46,302 [screaming]

29 00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,301 l'm sory about that, folks.

30 00:01:51,366 --> 00:01:53,968 Now, we're going to present a dance from Hawaii...

31 00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:56,135 ls Sylvester gonna wear a grass skirt?

32 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,802 No! He's not in the number! Get back to your seat!

33 00:01:58,866 --> 00:02:00,400 Curtain!

34 00:02:01,666 --> 00:02:04,035 (# Hawaiian War Chan_

35 00:02:07,833 --> 00:02:10,068 [animal noises]

36 00:02:11,633 --> 00:02:13,901 [singing in Hawaiian]

37 00:02:18,133 --> 00:02:19,934 [monkey shrieks]

38 00:02:32,066 --> 00:02:34,635 [singing in deep voice]

39 00:02:42,666 --> 00:02:44,067 [howling]

40 00:02:44,133 --> 00:02:45,367 [monkey shrieks]

41 00:02:54,166 --> 00:02:55,700 Aloha!

42 00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:08,635 [monkey continues shrieking]

43 00:03:21,633 --> 00:03:22,667 [dings]

44 00:03:31,133 --> 00:03:32,534 [dings]

45 00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:34,934 [dings]

46 00:03:35,666 --> 00:03:37,000 [dings]

47 00:03:44,166 --> 00:03:46,668 [monkey shrieks]

48 00:03:46,733 --> 00:03:49,435 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

49 00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,535 Hey, are you speaking Hawaiian?

50 00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,101 No! l bit my tongue!

51 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:55,768 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

52 00:03:56,566 --> 00:03:58,668 OK, nice number. Nice number.

53 00:03:58,733 --> 00:04:03,237 Well, don't complain. Working on rhe Muppet Show's a great job for a pig.

54 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:06,302 l'll say. We could be working luaus.

55 00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:09,468 We're off to a possibly decent start.

56 00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:11,334 [muppets chattering]

57 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,535 We're here! We're really here!

58 00:04:15,266 --> 00:04:18,168 Good grief, it's Sylvester Stallone's groupie brigade.

59 00:04:18,233 --> 00:04:21,703 Uh, listen, girls, you're not allowed backstage during the show.

60 00:04:21,766 --> 00:04:23,701 Oh, it's OK, we've got passes.

61 00:04:23,766 --> 00:04:24,800 Yeah.

62 00:04:24,866 --> 00:04:26,634 Passes? We don't give out passes.

63 00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:29,235 l'll say you don't give 'em out, frog.

64 00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:32,169 Yeah, they cost us a bundle.

65 00:04:32,233 --> 00:04:35,569 Wait a minute. Who could be selling backstage passes around here?

66 00:04:35,633 --> 00:04:38,002 ...seven, 28, 29 bucks!

67 00:04:38,066 --> 00:04:39,801 - Scooter! - Yeah, boss?

68 00:04:39,866 --> 00:04:42,268 - Scooter, l wanna talk to you! - OK.

69 00:04:42,333 --> 00:04:44,535 l've gotta introduce Sylvester Stallone.

70 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,101 [girls gasping]

71 00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:49,035 But l want you to stay right here and don't move.

72 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:51,936 Right. See how valuable those passes are, girls?

73 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,670 The frog's gonna let us stay right here so we can see Sylvester up close.

74 00:04:55,733 --> 00:04:57,301 [all gasping]

75 00:04:57,366 --> 00:04:59,701 Up close! Up close!

76 00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:04,503 OK, right now, we take you back in time to the old Roman Coliseum,

77 00:05:04,566 --> 00:05:08,770 where brave gladiators sometimes Iooked like Sylvester Stallone!

78 00:05:08,833 --> 00:05:11,068 [bugle fanfare music]

79 00:05:12,433 --> 00:05:14,434 [growling]

80 00:05:17,199 --> 00:05:19,535 [cheering]

81 00:05:24,466 --> 00:05:27,502 [cheering]

82 00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:34,002 [muppets chattering]

83 00:05:35,199 --> 00:05:36,701 Hold this, guys.

84 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:46,637 [growling]

85 00:05:48,666 --> 00:05:50,234 [Stallone growls]

86 00:05:52,033 --> 00:05:53,734 [whimpers]

87 00:06:03,866 --> 00:06:06,335 [shrieks]

88 00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:08,568 [crowd booing]

89 00:06:16,166 --> 00:06:18,034 Look!

90 00:06:20,899 --> 00:06:22,668 [crowd booing]

91 00:06:25,533 --> 00:06:28,569 - [audience cheering] - Kill him! Kill him!

92 00:06:28,633 --> 00:06:30,534 Kill him! Kill him!

93 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,968 [lion] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

94 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,434 Kill him! Kill him!

95 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,001 [groaning]

96 00:06:41,199 --> 00:06:43,435 (# Let's Call The Whole Thing OM

97 00:06:45,733 --> 00:06:48,035

  1. l say l'll bite you

98 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,902

  1. And l say l'll beat you

l say l'll beat you

99 00:06:50,966 --> 00:06:52,367

  1. And l say l'll eat you

100 00:06:52,433 --> 00:06:53,834 - # Fight you! - # Beat you!

101 00:06:53,899 --> 00:06:55,234 - # Bite you! - # Eat you!

102 00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:56,934

  1. Let's call the whole thing o_

103 00:06:58,566 --> 00:07:01,335 [lion gasping]

104 00:07:01,399 --> 00:07:03,902 [shouting]

105 00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:05,233

  1. l say Agustus

106 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,768

  1. And l say Agoostus

107 00:07:06,833 --> 00:07:08,201

  1. l say quo vadis

108 00:07:08,266 --> 00:07:09,600

  1. And l say where ya going?

109 00:07:09,666 --> 00:07:10,867 - # Agustus - # Agoostus

110 00:07:10,933 --> 00:07:12,701 - # Quo vadis - # Where ya going?

111 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,201

  1. Let's call the whole thing o_

112 00:07:15,266 --> 00:07:17,368 We've gotta make this look good, all right?

113 00:07:17,433 --> 00:07:20,269 [both grunting]

114 00:07:22,766 --> 00:07:26,769

  1. If we call the whole thing o_,

then we must part

115 00:07:27,633 --> 00:07:29,301 [howls]

116 00:07:32,033 --> 00:07:34,235 [lion howls]

117 00:07:39,899 --> 00:07:42,869

  1. So if you like Plato

and l like Pluto

118 00:07:42,933 --> 00:07:46,002

  1. l'll give up Plato and stick with

Pluto and Mickey and Goofy

119 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:48,535 [commotion]

120 00:07:51,533 --> 00:07:54,435

  1. Let's call the whole thing

121 00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:57,970 _ O# _

122 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,968 Come on, l'll buy you a steak.

123 00:08:13,766 --> 00:08:18,570 l always heard that music can soothe the savage beast. Now l believe it.

124 00:08:18,633 --> 00:08:22,536 Yeah, good thing the lion learned to sing. Stallone would've killed him.

125 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,368 [both laugh]

126 00:08:25,366 --> 00:08:28,035 Balonius and Stomp my Foot went to the fair.

127 00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:30,535 Balonius come back, who's left there?

128 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,934 Uh, Stomp my Foot.

129 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,067 OK.

130 00:08:33,133 --> 00:08:34,434 - [stomps] - Ow!

131 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,568 Oh, OK, girls, here comes Kermit!

132 00:08:37,633 --> 00:08:40,168 - Now, do exactly what l told you to. - OK.

133 00:08:40,233 --> 00:08:42,935 Scooter, it's time we had a serious talk.

134 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:46,002 Boss, l understand you don't want these groupies backstage.

135 00:08:46,066 --> 00:08:47,133 That's true.

136 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,201 You're angy with me for letting them in.

137 00:08:49,266 --> 00:08:50,400 That's true too.

138 00:08:50,466 --> 00:08:54,102 l wouldn't have if they weren't just so desperate to see you!

139 00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:55,233 Me?

140 00:08:55,299 --> 00:08:56,968 [girls] Kermit!

141 00:08:57,033 --> 00:08:59,068 Wait! Oh, wait!

142 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:05,270 Girls! Girls! Girls! You're going to have to leave! Kermit insists upon it.

143 00:09:05,333 --> 00:09:07,368 - [girls groan] - Uh, wait, wait now.

144 00:09:07,433 --> 00:09:10,536 Well, leaving isn't what l insist upon, exactly.

145 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:14,770 Uh, well, uh, standing quietly over there near my desk

146 00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:16,601 will do iust fine.

147 00:09:16,666 --> 00:09:18,434 [Kermit chuckling]

148 00:09:20,366 --> 00:09:21,600 He fell for it!

149 00:09:21,666 --> 00:09:26,103 OK, quickly now, up the stairs, we'll go to Sylvester's dressing room. Come on!

150 00:09:28,333 --> 00:09:30,868 Who was that small green man?

151 00:09:32,633 --> 00:09:34,334 [knocking]

152 00:09:35,633 --> 00:09:38,702 - Sly, could l have a word with you? - Sure, Scooter, come on in.

153 00:09:38,766 --> 00:09:42,102 Oh, great. You see, there are a couple of your fans waiting outside.

154 00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:45,035 - They're not waiting, they wanted... - [girls gasping]

155 00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,935 Oh, it's really him!

156 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,001 Touch me! Touch me, please! Touch me!

157 00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,467 Touch you.

158 00:09:50,533 --> 00:09:51,667 See, l told you.

159 00:09:51,733 --> 00:09:55,570 Oh, look at all the bodybuilding stuff Sly has here!

160 00:09:55,633 --> 00:09:57,634 Are you really training, Sly?

161 00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:00,903 Well, no, not really. l mean, l'm not really a fighter.

162 00:10:00,966 --> 00:10:06,237 l made a movie about fighting. But l like to work out and keep in shape.

163 00:10:06,299 --> 00:10:08,402 - [girls gasping] - What'd l tell you!

164 00:10:08,466 --> 00:10:10,668 Hey, Sly, could you show us a few punches?

165 00:10:10,733 --> 00:10:12,334 Scooter, for you, anything.

166 00:10:12,399 --> 00:10:14,802 Oh, OK, girls, you hear that? Punches!

167 00:10:14,866 --> 00:10:17,068 This, this is a iab.

168 00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:18,701 Whoa!

169 00:10:18,766 --> 00:10:20,300 - More? - Please.

170 00:10:20,366 --> 00:10:22,367 OK, this is a one-mo.

171 00:10:22,433 --> 00:10:24,334 [screaming]

172 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:27,468 OK, this is a big combination.

173 00:10:27,533 --> 00:10:30,869 One-mo, and here it comes... Oh!

174 00:10:30,933 --> 00:10:33,935 [screaming]

175 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,501 Could l have your autograph?

176 00:10:35,566 --> 00:10:37,434 - Me too! - Me too!

177 00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:38,767 [man's voice] Me too!

178 00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:40,034 Who said that?

179 00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:44,671 l did. Boy, Stallone, do you have some left hook.

180 00:10:44,733 --> 00:10:47,235 [chuckling]

181 00:10:47,666 --> 00:10:50,301 All right, and now, for something sort of different.

182 00:10:50,366 --> 00:10:54,136 Ladies and gentlemen, Professor Albert Flan and his Robot Comedian.

183 00:10:56,799 --> 00:11:01,204 Hello there, boys and girls. Is eveybody having a good time?

184 00:11:01,266 --> 00:11:02,433 [Statler] No!

185 00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:07,605 Great. Well, we're sure having some fun tonight, huh? [chuckles]

186 00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:09,634 But look! Who's this?

187 00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:13,236 lt's Otto, the Automatic Entertainer!

188 00:11:13,299 --> 00:11:14,601 [robot grunts]

189 00:11:14,666 --> 00:11:19,037 Hi there, Otto. No, come back, come back. [chuckling]

190 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:20,935 [robot beeping]

191 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,737 Well, say hello to the nice boys and girls, Otto.

192 00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:29,302 Hello, nice boys and girls, Otto.

193 00:11:29,366 --> 00:11:31,568 No, no, no, behind you.

194 00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:33,735 [beeping]

195 00:11:34,299 --> 00:11:35,934 - [spring snapping] - Whoo!

196 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:40,704 Say, aren't you Otto, the six million dollar funny man?

197 00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:42,901 - Bup, Bup. - Shake.

198 00:11:46,933 --> 00:11:48,668 [chuckling]

199 00:11:48,733 --> 00:11:52,002 Well, you don't get a lot for six million dollars these days.

200 00:11:52,966 --> 00:11:57,070 Yeah, a little topical humor there for the grownups.

201 00:11:57,133 --> 00:12:02,238 Still, l bet you've got some funny jokes for the boys and girls tonight, Otto.

202 00:12:02,299 --> 00:12:06,303 Oh, yes. There was this six foot parrot goes...

203 00:12:06,366 --> 00:12:07,934 ...into this restaurant.

204 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,469 [bleeping]

205 00:12:10,533 --> 00:12:13,569 ...to pay, but l can tap dance if you...

206 00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,001 [bleeping]

207 00:12:15,066 --> 00:12:18,202 ...and started eating the bagpipes. Ha, ha, ha...

208 00:12:20,133 --> 00:12:24,003 Uh, wow, terrific. [chuckling]

209 00:12:24,066 --> 00:12:26,468 And now... Uh...

210 00:12:27,399 --> 00:12:30,136 Well, bye-bye, boys and girls.

211 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,135 [fanfare]

212 00:12:34,466 --> 00:12:37,368 I# Oh, Lady Be G_

213 00:12:43,166 --> 00:12:46,636

  1. Oh, sweet and tender

214 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:49,035

  1. Lady be g_

215 00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:50,201 Yeah.

216 00:12:50,266 --> 00:12:52,568

  1. Oh, lady be good

217 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,101

  1. To me

218 00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:04,338

  1. l am so awfully misunderstood

219 00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:08,002

  1. Oh, lady be good

220 00:13:08,866 --> 00:13:10,601

  1. Be good to me

221 00:13:14,233 --> 00:13:16,568 [scats]

222 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,435 Yeah, sing it.

223 00:13:30,366 --> 00:13:33,736

  1. Hey, l'm just a lonesome baby

224 00:13:33,799 --> 00:13:36,035

  1. In the world

225 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:38,202

  1. Oh, lady be good

226 00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:41,234

  1. Be good to me

227 00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,801 [scats]

228 00:13:56,833 --> 00:13:59,101 [scats]

229 00:13:59,166 --> 00:14:01,535 Yeah, sing it to us, Floyd.

230 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:07,238

  1. All day l'mjust a lonesome thing

in the world

231 00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:11,202

  1. Mmmm lady be good

232 00:14:11,266 --> 00:14:16,204

  1. Be good to me

233 00:14:16,266 --> 00:14:17,934

  1. Oh, lady

234 00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:21,135

  1. Oh, lady be good

235 00:14:22,566 --> 00:14:24,067

  1. Lady be g_

236 00:14:24,133 --> 00:14:25,868

  1. Yeah #

237 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,001 All right.

238 00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:36,302 - [knocking] - Hello?

239 00:14:36,366 --> 00:14:38,568 Hello, Sylv, are you decent?

240 00:14:38,633 --> 00:14:41,302 No, but my folks were. Come on in.

241 00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:45,902 Rumor has it that there are a bunch of groupies loose in the theater.

242 00:14:45,966 --> 00:14:47,667 - Oh, really. - Yeah.

243 00:14:47,733 --> 00:14:49,668 Do you, uh, think l'm safe here?

244 00:14:49,733 --> 00:14:51,935 - Yeah, l think you can rest easy. - Hmm.

245 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,870 You know, l noticed when you came here you didn't arrive with much baggage.

246 00:14:55,933 --> 00:14:58,602 Yeah, that's me, l travel light, no baggage.

247 00:14:58,666 --> 00:15:01,468 Yeah, that's you. [chuckling] Traveling light, yeah.

248 00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:04,269 Listen, if you need anything you just let me know, huh.

249 00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:06,334 Thanks a lot, Link. l appreciate it.

250 00:15:06,399 --> 00:15:09,936 lf you wanted my aftershave lotion, it's in the right-hand drawer.

251 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,468 Thanks, Link, but l don't.

252 00:15:11,533 --> 00:15:13,401 My cologne is in the left drawer.

253 00:15:13,466 --> 00:15:14,633 Thank you, Link.

254 00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:18,336 And the scented body talc is above the mirror.

255 00:15:18,399 --> 00:15:20,702 Link, you treat yourself well, you know that?

256 00:15:20,766 --> 00:15:25,270 Oh, can't complain. You know, us guys, you gotta stay fit. Watch this.

257 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,101 [groans, gasps]

258 00:15:28,766 --> 00:15:29,867 Link?

259 00:15:29,933 --> 00:15:31,334 [Link moans]

260 00:15:31,399 --> 00:15:33,635 What's the matter? What's the matter? Oh.

261 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,935 l'll get it.

262 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,202 Oh, tell me the worst. Did he mark me?

263 00:15:39,266 --> 00:15:40,900 Yeah, a little bit, l'm afraid.

264 00:15:40,966 --> 00:15:42,100 Oh, no.

265 00:15:42,166 --> 00:15:44,768 Hey, Link Link, don't cy, don't feel bad.

266 00:15:44,833 --> 00:15:46,968 You still smell nice.

267 00:15:51,633 --> 00:15:53,067 Excuse me.

268 00:15:53,133 --> 00:15:57,270 Oh! Oh! You can't go out there. That is the stage.

269 00:15:57,333 --> 00:15:59,568 - Well, l know that... - Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!

270 00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:03,803 l know that. l'm playing in the William Tell Overture.

271 00:16:04,666 --> 00:16:06,801 l didn't know you were musical.

272 00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,534 l'm not.

273 00:16:09,733 --> 00:16:14,003 Hmm. Should have a lot in common with the rest of the band.

274 00:16:14,066 --> 00:16:17,636 (# William Tell OvertureI

275 00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:25,434 [fanfare]

276 00:16:26,966 --> 00:16:28,967 [laughter]

277 00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:36,136 [announcer] Time once again forVeterinarian's Hospital.

278 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:37,734 [Miss Piggie] When are we on?

279 00:16:37,799 --> 00:16:39,935 The continuing stooooy

280 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,036 of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

281 00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,669 All right, Nurse Janice, where is the next patient?

282 00:16:45,733 --> 00:16:47,034 Here he is, Dr. Bob.

283 00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:48,668 - Where's he from? - Hawaii.

284 00:16:48,733 --> 00:16:50,501 l'm fine, thanks. How are you?

285 00:16:50,566 --> 00:16:52,367 [laughing]

286 00:16:52,433 --> 00:16:57,004 Oh, Dr. Bob, that is the oldest joke since they renamed the islands.

287 00:16:57,066 --> 00:16:59,435 - What were they called before? - Sandwich.

288 00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:02,169 No thanks. l might get crumbs on the patient.

289 00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:03,467 [laughing]

290 00:17:03,533 --> 00:17:06,602 Dr. Bob, the patient was in the opening Hawaiian number.

291 00:17:06,666 --> 00:17:07,700 Oh.

292 00:17:07,766 --> 00:17:10,835 Why wasn't l in that number? l can do the hula.

293 00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:13,402 l've seen you do the hula. You're no great shakes.

294 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,702 l think the patient misses Hawaii. He's homesick.

295 00:17:17,766 --> 00:17:20,502 How can he be homesick when he's right here sick?

296 00:17:21,366 --> 00:17:23,968 l mean, he misses his home in Hawaii.

297 00:17:24,033 --> 00:17:26,268 - Oh, l can fix that. Hey, patient? - Yeah.

298 00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:27,467 Watch this.

299 00:17:27,533 --> 00:17:30,335 Mmm. Mmm.

300 00:17:31,266 --> 00:17:34,235 - What is that? - Swaying palms.

301 00:17:34,299 --> 00:17:35,467 Swaying palms!

302 00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:39,169 Hey, wait! Wait! Wait! Have we got any, have we got any napples?

303 00:17:39,233 --> 00:17:40,634 - Napples? - Mm-hm.

304 00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:41,967 You mean apples?

305 00:17:42,033 --> 00:17:44,034 No, napples. You put 'em on pies.

306 00:17:44,833 --> 00:17:46,100 Oh, no.

307 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,934 Pineapples!

308 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,735 [Janice] Oh, no!

309 00:17:49,799 --> 00:17:53,370 [announcer] So we come to the end ofanotherVeterinarian's Hospital.

310 00:17:53,433 --> 00:17:54,500 He still up there?

311 00:17:54,566 --> 00:17:57,335 Tune in next week when you'll hear Dr. Bob say...

312 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,568 Listen, maybe he's not really from Hawaii.

313 00:17:59,633 --> 00:18:01,735 Let's take his temperature and find out.

314 00:18:01,799 --> 00:18:03,735 That makes sense.

315 00:18:03,799 --> 00:18:07,103 Yep, he's from Hawaii. Look, 5-O.

316 00:18:07,166 --> 00:18:11,169 - [Janice] Oh! - [Miss Piggie] 5-O! 5-O!

317 00:18:15,066 --> 00:18:16,934 OK, nice one, Dr. Bob.

318 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,901 Nice? It was a Honolulu.

319 00:18:18,966 --> 00:18:21,401 [laughing]

320 00:18:21,466 --> 00:18:25,870 We must've used evey dumb Hawaiian joke in the book.

321 00:18:25,933 --> 00:18:27,768 Hey, Hawaiians aren't dumb!

322 00:18:27,833 --> 00:18:30,468 You'll be hearing from my friends on Noman.

323 00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:31,901 Noman? Where is that?

324 00:18:31,966 --> 00:18:33,934 No man is an island.

325 00:18:35,433 --> 00:18:37,001 He fell for it.

326 00:18:37,066 --> 00:18:41,637 Yeah, if you think that joke was bad, l'm gonna go out and introduce Fozzie.

327 00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:43,068 [fanfare]

328 00:18:43,133 --> 00:18:45,101 Ladies and gentlemen, comedy magic

329 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,768 - with our own Fozzie... What? - [Fozzie] Psst! Psst!

330 00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:50,735 l cannot do my Sawing a Lady in Half Act.

331 00:18:50,799 --> 00:18:52,701 How come, no saw?

332 00:18:52,766 --> 00:18:54,767 No lady.

333 00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:58,269 Hey, Kermit, how about a Sawing a Frog in Half?

334 00:18:58,333 --> 00:18:59,600 [sighing] Fozzie!

335 00:18:59,666 --> 00:19:02,335 - You just start. l'll find you a lady. - l'm not ready.

336 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,002 And now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Fozzie Bear.

337 00:19:05,066 --> 00:19:07,067 [fanfare]

338 00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:09,301 Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya!

339 00:19:09,366 --> 00:19:12,936 Thank you, thank you and thank you! Haaa!

340 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,203 Yes, sir, Fozzie the magician.

341 00:19:16,266 --> 00:19:17,934 Ahhh.

342 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,103 A box! There's a box. Ha, ha, ha.

343 00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:23,001 Uh, uh, uh...

344 00:19:23,066 --> 00:19:26,636 Say, who was that box l saw you with last night?

345 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:29,836 That was no box. That was my luggage.

346 00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:31,768 Ha, ha, ha!

347 00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:35,035 l am dicing with death out here, Kermit.

348 00:19:35,099 --> 00:19:37,469 Don't wory, it's OK. l found you a lady.

349 00:19:38,066 --> 00:19:39,434 You did? Is she beautiful?

350 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:40,701 No, but she's willing.

351 00:19:41,966 --> 00:19:43,300 Good enough!

352 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:49,205 Alrighty! Ladies and gentlemen, sawing a lady in half!

353 00:19:49,266 --> 00:19:52,469 [beeping]

354 00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:55,568 [spring bouncing]

355 00:19:56,833 --> 00:19:58,601 [buzzing]

356 00:19:58,666 --> 00:20:00,901 This is a lady?

357 00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:02,701 This is a magician?

358 00:20:03,733 --> 00:20:05,601 Will you cut that out!

359 00:20:05,666 --> 00:20:07,501 - [beeping] - Wha...?

360 00:20:07,566 --> 00:20:11,136 All right, um, uh, all right, into the box, beautiful assistant.

361 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,769 - Into the box. - Into the box.

362 00:20:13,833 --> 00:20:15,968 The box! Over here, the box!

363 00:20:16,033 --> 00:20:17,167 [bleeping]

364 00:20:17,233 --> 00:20:21,003 You will notice that l did not touch or aid my assistant in any way.

365 00:20:21,066 --> 00:20:23,635 Get back, you fool! Into the box!

366 00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:26,235 - [bleeping] - Don't touch me! Into the box!

367 00:20:26,299 --> 00:20:28,535 Just do the trick and wind it up!

368 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,436 Uh, yes, sir. This is ridiculous.

369 00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:35,736 All right, sawing a, uh...

370 00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:37,735 ...thing in half.

371 00:20:39,866 --> 00:20:43,102 - [robot] Mama. Mama. Mama. - [sighing]

372 00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:45,401 - Mama. - Oh, shut up!

373 00:20:45,466 --> 00:20:47,668 Not the main power cables.

374 00:20:47,733 --> 00:20:48,967 Say, what?

375 00:20:49,033 --> 00:20:51,001 [electrical zapping]

376 00:20:54,933 --> 00:20:58,336 [groaning]

377 00:20:58,400 --> 00:20:59,834 [thud]

378 00:21:00,599 --> 00:21:02,935 - Well, what did you think? - Shocking.

379 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,302 [laughing] Yes, but was it funny?

380 00:21:05,366 --> 00:21:09,303 Of course not. That'd really be shocking.

381 00:21:09,966 --> 00:21:13,135 Once again, ladies and gentlemen, our vey special guest star,

382 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,101 Sylvester Stallone.

383 00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:17,735 (# A Bird In A Gilded CageI

384 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,803 [speaking as a _m] The ballr_m was filled with fashion's throng

385 00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:28,169 lt shone with a thousand lights

386 00:21:28,233 --> 00:21:31,369 And there was a woman who passed along

387 00:21:31,433 --> 00:21:33,902 The fairest of all the sights.

388 00:21:34,866 --> 00:21:38,135 A girl to her lover then softly cried

389 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,570 There's riches at her command.

390 00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:43,768 But she married for wealth

391 00:21:43,833 --> 00:21:45,968 And not for love

392 00:21:46,033 --> 00:21:49,603 Tho she lived in a mansion grand.

393 00:21:51,166 --> 00:21:56,604

  1. She's only a bird in a gilded cage

394 00:21:56,666 --> 00:22:00,136

  1. A beautiful sight to see

395 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,868

  1. Sight to see

396 00:22:01,933 --> 00:22:07,305

  1. You may think she's happy

and free from care

397 00:22:07,366 --> 00:22:10,602

  1. She's not what she seems to be

398 00:22:10,666 --> 00:22:12,267

  1. Seems to be

399 00:22:12,333 --> 00:22:17,271 [speaking] 'Tis sad when you think of her wasted life

400 00:22:17,333 --> 00:22:20,469 For youth cannot mate with age

401 00:22:20,533 --> 00:22:22,268

  1. Mate with age

402 00:22:22,333 --> 00:22:25,502

  1. But her beauty was sold

403 00:22:25,566 --> 00:22:29,169

  1. for an old man's gold

404 00:22:29,233 --> 00:22:33,604

  1. She's a bird in a gilded cage

405 00:22:38,733 --> 00:22:42,303 [speaking] l stood in a churchyard just at eve

406 00:22:42,366 --> 00:22:45,135 When sunset adorned the west

407 00:22:46,133 --> 00:22:49,336 And l looked at the people who'd come to grieve

408 00:22:50,033 --> 00:22:53,136 For loved ones now laid to rest

409 00:22:54,166 --> 00:22:58,303 A tall marble monument marked the grave

410 00:22:58,366 --> 00:23:01,035 Of one who had been fashion's queen

411 00:23:01,966 --> 00:23:05,402 And l thought she is happier here at rest

412 00:23:06,233 --> 00:23:09,703 Then to have people say when seen

413 00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:17,205

  1. She's only a bird in a gilded cage

414 00:23:17,266 --> 00:23:20,535 - # A beautiful sight to see - [Fozzie cries]

415 00:23:20,599 --> 00:23:22,635 - # Sight to see - [honks nose]

416 00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:27,704

  1. You may think she's happy

and free from care

417 00:23:27,766 --> 00:23:31,002

  1. She's not what she seems to be

418 00:23:31,066 --> 00:23:33,668

  1. Seems to be

419 00:23:33,733 --> 00:23:38,504 [speaking] 'Tis sad when you think of her wasted life

420 00:23:38,566 --> 00:23:41,702 For youth cannot mate with age

421 00:23:41,766 --> 00:23:43,667

  1. Mate with age

422 00:23:43,733 --> 00:23:46,936

  1. And her beauty was sold

423 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:51,637

  1. for an old man's gold

424 00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:56,671

  1. She's a bird in a gilded

425 00:23:56,733 --> 00:24:00,736

  1. Cage #

426 00:24:00,799 --> 00:24:03,669 [all cying]

427 00:24:11,333 --> 00:24:12,500 [continue cying]

428 00:24:12,566 --> 00:24:14,434 The time has come to say goodbye,

429 00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:16,802 because we don't have time for anything else.

430 00:24:16,866 --> 00:24:19,602 But before we go, Iet's have one last round of applause

431 00:24:19,666 --> 00:24:21,768 for the one and only Sylvester Stallone!

432 00:24:21,833 --> 00:24:23,367 Yay!

433 00:24:27,366 --> 00:24:31,036 Kermit, l had a great time. l hope l didn't hurt the talking punching bag.

434 00:24:31,099 --> 00:24:32,568 Hey, what hurt?

435 00:24:32,633 --> 00:24:36,870 Come on, Stallone, give us one for old time sake.

436 00:24:36,933 --> 00:24:38,701 OK.

437 00:24:38,766 --> 00:24:41,869 [chuckling] Hey, Stallone, my kind of guy.

438 00:24:41,933 --> 00:24:45,469 OK. That's it for now. We'll see you next time on rhe Muppet Show!

439 00:24:45,533 --> 00:24:48,435 You've been a wonderFul laugh track! OK!

440 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:25,136 Well, they say all good things come to an end.

441 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,201 What's that got to do with this show?

442 00:25:27,266 --> 00:25:29,034 [laughing]

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