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Episode 307: Alice Cooper/transcript

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2 00:00:08,666 --> 00:00:10,334 [knocking on door]

3 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:14,103 Alice Cooper, 1 5 seconds to curtain, Mr. Cooper.

4 00:00:14,166 --> 00:00:17,903 - Ready whenever you say, Scooter. - [creatures hissing, snickering]

5 00:00:17,966 --> 00:00:21,703 Uh, sir, l think there's something you should know.

6 00:00:21,766 --> 00:00:24,468 - Yes. - These monsters aren't ours.

7 00:00:24,533 --> 00:00:27,168 l know. They're mine.

8 00:00:27,233 --> 00:00:29,735 [Scooter howls]

9 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,168 [drum roll]

10 00:00:31,233 --> 00:00:34,169 It's The Muppet Show with our vey special guest star,

11 00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:37,736 Alice Cooper! Yay! [shudders]

12 00:00:50,766 --> 00:00:54,603

  1. It's time to play the music

It's time to light the light

13 00:00:54,666 --> 00:00:57,969

  1. It's time to meet the Muppets

on The Muppet Show tonight

14 00:00:58,766 --> 00:01:02,970

  1. It's time to put on makeup

It's time to dress up right

15 00:01:03,033 --> 00:01:04,834

  1. It's time to get things started

16 00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:07,135

  1. Why don't you get things started?

17 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,769 You've gotta admit, the opening is catchy.

18 00:01:09,833 --> 00:01:11,301 So is smallpox.

19 00:01:11,366 --> 00:01:13,167

  1. It's time to get things started

20 00:01:13,233 --> 00:01:15,568

  1. On the most sensational, inspirational

21 00:01:15,633 --> 00:01:17,601

  1. Celebrational, Muppetational

22 00:01:17,666 --> 00:01:23,571

  1. This is what we call

The Muppet Show! #

23 00:01:31,666 --> 00:01:32,933 [applause]

24 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,469 Hi there, and welcome again tfi The Muppet Show.

25 00:01:35,533 --> 00:01:39,103 Tonight, our special guest star is one of the world's most talented,

26 00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:41,635 but frightening perFormers, Alice Cooper.

27 00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:44,135 So, beware of ghoulies and ghosties

28 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,570 and long-legged beasties and things that go bump in the night.

29 00:01:47,633 --> 00:01:49,868 - [creaking] - [Kermit shrieks]

30 00:01:49,933 --> 00:01:53,036 - [thudding, chains rattling] - That does it! l'm leaving!

31 00:01:53,099 --> 00:01:55,101 - Here's Alice Cooper. - [applause]

32 00:01:57,333 --> 00:02:00,169 (# Welcome To My Wightmare]

33 00:02:06,566 --> 00:02:09,602

  1. Welcome to my nightmare

34 00:02:10,633 --> 00:02:13,736

  1. l think you're gonna like it

35 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,702

  1. l think you're gonna feel

36 00:02:17,766 --> 00:02:21,236 - # You belong - [giggling]

37 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,902

  1. Welcome to my nightmare

38 00:02:25,966 --> 00:02:28,068

  1. Yeah

39 00:02:31,766 --> 00:02:34,668

  1. Welcome to my breakdown

40 00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:38,669

  1. l hope l didn't scare you

41 00:02:39,833 --> 00:02:44,571

  1. That'sjust the way we are

when we come down

42 00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:46,901

  1. Yeah

43 00:02:47,966 --> 00:02:50,535

  1. We sweat and laugh and scream here

44 00:02:50,599 --> 00:02:52,368 [thunderclap]

45 00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:55,169

  1. 'Cause life isjust a dream here

46 00:02:56,433 --> 00:02:59,102

  1. You know inside you feel

47 00:02:59,166 --> 00:03:01,167

  1. Right at home

48 00:03:02,066 --> 00:03:03,300

  1. Here

49 00:03:04,933 --> 00:03:08,603

  1. Welcome to my breakdown

Yeah

50 00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:11,135 [thunderclap]

51 00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:17,370

  1. Welcome to my nightmare

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

52 00:03:55,066 --> 00:03:58,169

  1. Welcome to my nightmare

53 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:02,370

  1. l think you're gonna like it

54 00:04:03,233 --> 00:04:08,104

  1. l think you're gonna feel you belong

55 00:04:11,866 --> 00:04:16,136

  1. Welcome to my nightmare

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

56 00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:24,671

  1. Welcome to my nightmare

Yeah, yeah, yeah

57 00:04:28,533 --> 00:04:33,905

  1. Welcome to my nightmare

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh #

58 00:04:45,699 --> 00:04:47,968 Where do you suppose he got the name Alice?

59 00:04:48,033 --> 00:04:51,636 lt's a family name. He was named after a maiden uncle.

60 00:04:51,699 --> 00:04:53,401 [both laugh]

61 00:04:53,466 --> 00:04:55,434 [creatures mumbling]

62 00:04:55,500 --> 00:05:00,204 Hey, it wasn't spooky like this when Julie Andrews did the show.

63 00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:03,569 Let's see, what's next? William Tell act onstage, you guys.

64 00:05:03,633 --> 00:05:05,634 Come on, move it! Move it!

65 00:05:05,699 --> 00:05:09,670 [stuttering] Don't shout! It makes me n... n... nervous.

66 00:05:09,733 --> 00:05:12,802 - OK, way to go, Alice. - Oh, thank you, Kermit.

67 00:05:12,866 --> 00:05:14,934 lt must be great to be a rock star.

68 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,902 Oh, would you like to be a rock star?

69 00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:23,037 Uh, well, uh, yeah, sure, Iove to be a rock star.

70 00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:25,469 Well, then, iust sign this contract.

71 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:26,600 Contract?

72 00:05:26,666 --> 00:05:29,568 Uh, yes, l have a friend that runs a service.

73 00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:32,102 He could guarantee to make you a rock star.

74 00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:37,904 Yeah, well, when l said l wanted to be a rock star, l was sort of half kidding.

75 00:05:37,966 --> 00:05:40,501 l mean, well, l'd like to be an astronaut too.

76 00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:44,469 Well, then, just cross out the word rock star and write in astronaut.

77 00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:48,669 l don't think l want anything to do with this.

78 00:05:48,733 --> 00:05:51,235 lt looks like you're stuck with it, doesn't it?

79 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:55,002 - Just read it over anyways. - [whimpers]

80 00:05:55,666 --> 00:05:58,001 Oh, he must be kidding.

81 00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:01,369 Why, how can he guarantee that? And what must it cost?

82 00:06:01,433 --> 00:06:06,471 [cackle echoing] Not a penny... Just your soul.

83 00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:15,403 l... l... l'm sure l didn't hear that, or see it.

84 00:06:15,466 --> 00:06:17,467 - [whirring sound, thud] - [man] Ouch!

85 00:06:18,399 --> 00:06:19,901 But that l heard.

86 00:06:19,966 --> 00:06:24,770 You just can't move when l'm shooting. l've told you that a thousand times.

87 00:06:24,833 --> 00:06:28,236 Well, you know me: In one ear and out the other.

88 00:06:32,133 --> 00:06:34,435 Weird, weird show.

89 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,468 [clears throat] Dr. Bunsen Honeydew,

90 00:06:42,533 --> 00:06:45,969 here at Muppet Labs, where the future is being made, today.

91 00:06:46,033 --> 00:06:47,567 [squeaks]

92 00:06:47,633 --> 00:06:51,236 Well, [clears throat] our latest development is the germ enlarger.

93 00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:54,469 For years, scientists have had to study teensy weensy germs

94 00:06:54,533 --> 00:06:56,534 under a powerFul microscope.

95 00:06:56,600 --> 00:07:00,437 But now, the germ enlarger makes the microscope obsolete.

96 00:07:02,399 --> 00:07:04,568 [crashing]

97 00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:08,837 - Comes out of your pay, Beaker. - [whimpering]

98 00:07:08,899 --> 00:07:12,203 Here, in this dish, is isolated a sample of the deadly germ

99 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,701 skeptococcus yuchotherium.

100 00:07:14,766 --> 00:07:19,570 Now, watch what happens when Beaker adds one drop of germ enlarger.

101 00:07:20,666 --> 00:07:22,300 [whimpering]

102 00:07:22,366 --> 00:07:24,768 [screaming]

103 00:07:24,833 --> 00:07:28,770 Notice how easy it is, now, for Beaker to study that germ.

104 00:07:30,133 --> 00:07:32,368 And vice versa.

105 00:07:32,433 --> 00:07:35,869 That's all, for now, from Muppet Labs. Well, Beaker...

106 00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:38,035 Hmm.

107 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:40,802 [Beaker whimpering]

108 00:07:40,866 --> 00:07:43,468 Bunsen, that germ better not be contagious.

109 00:07:43,533 --> 00:07:45,534 [snickering]

110 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:49,870 ...pam of the first part guarantees to give pam of the second part

111 00:07:49,933 --> 00:07:52,669 fabulous riches and worldwide fame.

112 00:07:53,466 --> 00:07:55,734 Kermit, what is this contract?

113 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:59,069 Oh, that... Oh, that... That just belongs to Alice. That's, uh...

114 00:07:59,133 --> 00:08:02,636 - You know the Faust stoy? - No.

115 00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:05,569 OK, well, you see, Faust sold his soul to the Devil

116 00:08:05,633 --> 00:08:08,302 and in return, became vey rich and vey famous,

117 00:08:08,366 --> 00:08:11,335 and Alice says that this is that kind of a contract.

118 00:08:11,399 --> 00:08:14,069 Really? Where do l sign?!

119 00:08:14,699 --> 00:08:16,735 l've gotta get a pen. Hey, give me a pen.

120 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:20,436 l'll give you a chicken for it. l'll give you all my chickens for a pen!

121 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,368 l'd sell my soul for a pen!

122 00:08:22,433 --> 00:08:24,735 No, l have other plans for that.

123 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,035 A pen! l gotta have a pen!

124 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:29,268 Somebody! Fozzie! Scooter!

125 00:08:31,366 --> 00:08:36,003 Ooh! l've never known a toothache this bad before.

126 00:08:36,066 --> 00:08:39,736 [all] He's never known a toothache this bad before.

127 00:08:40,833 --> 00:08:43,802 lt's like having toothache all over my body.

128 00:08:43,866 --> 00:08:47,169 [all] It's like having toothache all over his body.

129 00:08:48,299 --> 00:08:50,735 - And another thing. - [all] And another thing.

130 00:08:50,799 --> 00:08:52,668 l keep hearing voices.

131 00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,035 [no audio]

132 00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:57,569 - And what's worse... - [all] And what's worse...

133 00:08:57,633 --> 00:08:59,468 ...the echo is often incorrect.

134 00:08:59,533 --> 00:09:01,368 [all babbling indistinctly]

135 00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:03,334 Shh.

136 00:09:03,399 --> 00:09:04,501 And sometimes...

137 00:09:04,566 --> 00:09:08,202 [all] And sometimes it says what l'm going to say before l've said it.

138 00:09:08,266 --> 00:09:10,835 ...it says what l'm going to s...

139 00:09:10,899 --> 00:09:12,234 Yeah, well...

140 00:09:12,299 --> 00:09:15,836 [all] Yeah, well, none of this is helping my toothache.

141 00:09:16,666 --> 00:09:19,502 You took the words right out of my mouth.

142 00:09:20,733 --> 00:09:23,969 [deep voice] Pity you couldn't take the teeth as well.

143 00:09:24,033 --> 00:09:25,367 Who was that?

144 00:09:25,433 --> 00:09:27,401 [all] Don't look at us.

145 00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:29,601 Whoa!

146 00:09:29,666 --> 00:09:33,503 l've never known a toothache this bad before.

147 00:09:33,566 --> 00:09:37,169 [all] He's never known a toothache this bad before.

148 00:09:37,966 --> 00:09:41,569 lt's like having toothache all over my body.

149 00:09:41,633 --> 00:09:45,069 [all] It's like having toothache all over... [fades out]

150 00:09:45,133 --> 00:09:46,601 [tooth] And another...

151 00:09:47,533 --> 00:09:49,468 - Mr. Cooper. - Yes.

152 00:09:49,533 --> 00:09:51,968 l don't believe it.

153 00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:54,635 [clears throat] Let me come right to the point.

154 00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:59,604 You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate,

155 00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:02,668 barbaric, naughty...

156 00:10:03,933 --> 00:10:05,501 ...freako.

157 00:10:06,466 --> 00:10:07,934 Why, thank you.

158 00:10:10,666 --> 00:10:13,835 Freakos: One, Civilization: Zero.

159 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,735 Who ordered the spider sandwich?

160 00:10:20,799 --> 00:10:23,636 Uh, oh, Gladys, this show is so weird tonight.

161 00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:27,437 l'm gonna stay right down here in the canteen with these clean-cut kids.

162 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,568 [laughing]

163 00:10:29,633 --> 00:10:34,070 [sighing] Why can't we have one thing nice on this show tonight?

164 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,936 I# Over the RainbowI

165 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,001 [birds chirping]

166 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:53,136

  1. Somewhere

167 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:57,804

  1. Over the rainbow

168 00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:03,004

  1. Way up high

169 00:11:04,033 --> 00:11:08,470

  1. There's a land

170 00:11:08,533 --> 00:11:10,668

  1. That l heard of

171 00:11:10,733 --> 00:11:15,604

  1. Once in a lullaby

172 00:11:17,299 --> 00:11:20,770

  1. Somewhere

173 00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:24,236

  1. Over the rainbow

174 00:11:25,133 --> 00:11:29,370

  1. Skies are blue

175 00:11:30,966 --> 00:11:34,035

  1. And the

176 00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:38,571

  1. Dreams that you dare to dream

177 00:11:38,633 --> 00:11:42,937

  1. Really do come true

178 00:11:43,899 --> 00:11:47,837

  1. Someday l'll wish upon a star

179 00:11:47,899 --> 00:11:50,535

  1. And wake up where the clouds are far

180 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:55,104

  1. Behind me

181 00:11:56,933 --> 00:12:00,169

  1. Where troubles melt like lemon drops

182 00:12:00,233 --> 00:12:03,436

  1. Away above the chimney tops

183 00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:06,970

  1. That's where you'll

184 00:12:07,033 --> 00:12:10,536

  1. Find me

185 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,003

  1. Somewhere

186 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:18,203

  1. Over the rainbow

187 00:12:18,266 --> 00:12:23,270

  1. Bluebirds fly

188 00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:27,302

  1. Birds fly

189 00:12:27,366 --> 00:12:30,702

  1. Over the rainbow

190 00:12:30,766 --> 00:12:35,437

  1. Why then, oh, why can't l?

191 00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:40,803

  1. If happy little bluebirds fly

192 00:12:40,866 --> 00:12:44,169

  1. Beyond the rainbow

193 00:12:44,233 --> 00:12:46,835

  1. Why, oh, why

194 00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:52,572

  1. Can't l? #

195 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,702 Oh, boy, this is a spooky show.

196 00:13:07,766 --> 00:13:09,901 - [creaking] - [gasps]

197 00:13:09,966 --> 00:13:12,068 [mumbling, gasps]

198 00:13:16,266 --> 00:13:18,368 Think about that, folks.

199 00:13:18,433 --> 00:13:20,234 Not you.

200 00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:24,035 [gasps] Huh?

201 00:13:24,566 --> 00:13:26,234 [gasping]

202 00:13:27,533 --> 00:13:30,903 [gasping]

203 00:13:34,233 --> 00:13:35,601 [howling]

204 00:13:35,666 --> 00:13:36,666 (# Once a Year DayI

205 00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:40,436 - # This is my... - # Once a yearday

206 00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:43,836

  1. Once a year day

Felt the morning sun and knew that

207 00:13:43,899 --> 00:13:47,737 - # This was my... - # Once a yearday

208 00:13:47,799 --> 00:13:49,268

  1. Once a year day

209 00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:51,001

  1. Even got a kiss from you

210 00:13:51,066 --> 00:13:54,636

  1. l feel like hopping up and down

like a kangar_

211 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:58,070

  1. Jumping fences, climbing trees

What pleases me is what l'll do

212 00:13:58,133 --> 00:14:02,136 - # 'Cause this is my - # Once a yearday

213 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,734

  1. Once a year day

214 00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:05,701

  1. Eveyone's entitled to be wild

215 00:14:05,766 --> 00:14:07,501 - # Be a child - # Be a goof

216 00:14:07,566 --> 00:14:08,600

  1. Raise the roof

217 00:14:08,666 --> 00:14:10,300 _ Once a year

218 00:14:12,399 --> 00:14:16,403 [humming]

219 00:14:34,533 --> 00:14:38,303

  1. This is my once a yearday

220 00:14:38,366 --> 00:14:41,736

  1. Once a year day

Felt the morning sun and knew that

221 00:14:41,799 --> 00:14:45,503

  1. This was my once a year day

222 00:14:45,566 --> 00:14:47,100

  1. Once a year day

223 00:14:47,166 --> 00:14:49,334

  1. Eveyone's entitled to be wild

224 00:14:49,399 --> 00:14:52,536

  1. Be a child

Be a goof, raise the roof

225 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:57,471 _ Once a year _

226 00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:08,768 And, with the power vested in me,

227 00:15:08,833 --> 00:15:11,569 l have touched you and made you beautiful.

228 00:15:11,633 --> 00:15:13,801 Let no man call you ugly.

229 00:15:13,866 --> 00:15:18,070 With me at your side, we will Iead a life of eternal happiness.

230 00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:20,934 (# You And MeI

231 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:26,205

  1. When l get home from work

wanna wrap myself around you

232 00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,168

  1. l wanna take you, squeeze you

233 00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:33,769

  1. Till the passion starts to rise

234 00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:39,669

  1. l'd like to take you to heaven

235 00:15:39,733 --> 00:15:43,470

  1. That would make my day complete

236 00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:48,069

  1. But you and me ain't no movie stars

237 00:15:48,133 --> 00:15:51,636

  1. What we are is what we are

238 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:54,502

  1. We share a bed, some lovin'

239 00:15:54,566 --> 00:15:56,567

  1. And TV

240 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:02,168

  1. And that's enough for a workin' man

241 00:16:03,166 --> 00:16:06,602

  1. What l am is what l am

242 00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:11,370

  1. l tell you, baby

You'rejust enough for me

243 00:16:12,966 --> 00:16:15,234

  1. Sometimes when you're asleep

244 00:16:15,299 --> 00:16:18,169

  1. And l'mjust staring at the ceiling

245 00:16:20,033 --> 00:16:22,268

  1. l wanna reach out and touch you

246 00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:25,736

  1. But you just go on dreamin'

247 00:16:28,399 --> 00:16:31,336

  1. l'd like to take you to heaven

248 00:16:31,399 --> 00:16:34,870

  1. That would make my day complete

249 00:16:35,866 --> 00:16:39,736

  1. But you and me ain't no superstars

250 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:43,270

  1. What we are is what we are

251 00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:46,102

  1. We share a bed, some popcorn

252 00:16:46,166 --> 00:16:48,902

  1. And TV

253 00:16:50,866 --> 00:16:54,002

  1. And that's enough for a workin' man

254 00:16:54,833 --> 00:16:57,802

  1. What l am is what l am

255 00:16:58,366 --> 00:17:02,703

  1. l tell you, baby

You'rejust enough for me

256 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:10,205

  1. l tell you, baby

You'rejust enough for me #

257 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,069 Excuse... Hey, who turned off the lights?

258 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,402 Miss Piggy wanted onstage 5or Pigs in Space.

259 00:17:27,466 --> 00:17:28,600 [door shuts]

260 00:17:28,666 --> 00:17:30,934 [Miss Piggy's voice] l'll be right there.

261 00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:35,002 [clears throat] Pardon moi, Alicimo.

262 00:17:35,066 --> 00:17:36,467 [clears throat]

263 00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:38,300 [screams]

264 00:17:38,366 --> 00:17:41,102 What? What the...? Hey!

265 00:17:41,166 --> 00:17:45,503 All right, listen, Cooper, the deal is off!

266 00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:48,268 Make with the magic!

267 00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:50,535 - Oh, all right. - All right!

268 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,836 Oh, all right, all right! That's better!

269 00:17:55,900 --> 00:18:00,271 And you can tell your man l wouldn't sell you my soul if you paid me!

270 00:18:01,166 --> 00:18:02,700 Creep!

271 00:18:03,633 --> 00:18:05,167 [door slams]

272 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,369 - [electrical distortion] - Yeah, hello, boss?

273 00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:12,668 No, no, l didn't make a sale.

274 00:18:12,733 --> 00:18:16,103 Uh, listen, do l get any commission on hourly rentals?

275 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:21,702 [sighs] Touchy.

276 00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:27,971 Iannouncer1_nd now, Pigs in Space!

277 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,535 When we last saw the spaceship, Swinetrek,

278 00:18:31,599 --> 00:18:35,737 Captain Link Hog Throb was su_ering from a mysterious space disease.

279 00:18:35,799 --> 00:18:37,368 [Miss Piggy] Oh!

280 00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:41,737 First Mate Piggy, help me move Link back to the electro cosmotron.

281 00:18:41,799 --> 00:18:42,901 Yes! Yes!

282 00:18:42,966 --> 00:18:45,134 [Miss Piggy and Dr. Strangepork groan]

283 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,068 [Link moaning]

284 00:18:47,133 --> 00:18:49,335 lt's like King Kong.

285 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,935 Easy, yeah, good, good.

286 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:57,336 - Whew! - Oh, doctor, does he stand a chance?

287 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,902 Well, l hesitate to ty this shock treatment.

288 00:18:59,966 --> 00:19:02,435 lt's vey dangerous, and it could kill him.

289 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,935 Oh! Is there no alternative?

290 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,470 Well, you could give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

291 00:19:10,033 --> 00:19:12,535 You connect the wires, l'll throw the switch.

292 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,968 - Mmm-hmm. - Ready?

293 00:19:16,033 --> 00:19:19,035 So... iust... Now, all connected.

294 00:19:19,099 --> 00:19:21,669 Three... mo... one... [groans]

295 00:19:21,733 --> 00:19:24,102 [electrical buzzing]

296 00:19:25,133 --> 00:19:27,001 Hey... what...

297 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:31,503 Oh! Look, Dr. Strangepork, he's coming around.

298 00:19:31,566 --> 00:19:34,936 Yes, it worked! Turn it off now, First Mate Piggy.

299 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,601 - Yes. - [buzzing stops]

300 00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:38,667 Uh, Dr. Strangepork, what happened?

301 00:19:38,733 --> 00:19:41,869 Oh, iust temporay, Link.

302 00:19:41,933 --> 00:19:44,068 l said turn it off!

303 00:19:44,133 --> 00:19:46,702 Uh... l did!

304 00:19:47,966 --> 00:19:51,002 Uh-oh. Sory, Link.

305 00:19:51,966 --> 00:19:55,936 But look at me. l'm just a shell of my former self.

306 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,001 But, uh... But, uh, uh...

307 00:19:58,066 --> 00:20:00,968 - You're much more interesting. - Mmm?

308 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,168 No, l think he looks weird.

309 00:20:03,866 --> 00:20:05,500 Of course he looks weird.

310 00:20:05,566 --> 00:20:08,201 l'm just tying to make him feel better, dummo.

311 00:20:08,966 --> 00:20:11,735 Huh. Do you really think l look more interesting?

312 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,535 Yes, dear.

313 00:20:14,599 --> 00:20:17,836 Well, in that case, how about a little kissy kissy.

314 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:19,901 - What?! - Hmm?

315 00:20:19,966 --> 00:20:23,703 - [smooching] - [Miss Piggy groaning]

316 00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:28,502 Look what you did! [gasps]

317 00:20:29,233 --> 00:20:32,302 Funny, l look more interesting, but you look weird.

318 00:20:32,366 --> 00:20:36,970 - [snickering] - Hey, shut up, Strangepork!

319 00:20:37,033 --> 00:20:41,470 l'll do something to help as soon as l can stop laughing. [laughs]

320 00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:43,735 Oh, yeah? Well, stop this!

321 00:20:43,799 --> 00:20:45,568 Hi-yah!

322 00:20:45,633 --> 00:20:49,937 Oh, no! Swinekopf, Iook what you've done to me!

323 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,936 [all shouting]

324 00:20:53,766 --> 00:20:56,802 [announcer] Tune in next week, but l'm sure you'll be able

325 00:20:56,866 --> 00:20:58,901 to find something better to watch than

326 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:02,903 Pigs in Space!

327 00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:06,601 Yeah... What did you think of that?

328 00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:09,201 - Out of sight. - You mean you liked it?

329 00:21:09,266 --> 00:21:11,835 No, it was out of sight. l had my eyes closed.

330 00:21:14,866 --> 00:21:17,702 And now, for one last time, Alice Cooper.

331 00:21:22,566 --> 00:21:25,368 (# School's Ou_

332 00:21:43,866 --> 00:21:46,435

  1. Well, we got no choice

333 00:21:47,366 --> 00:21:50,135

  1. All the girls and boys

334 00:21:51,133 --> 00:21:53,702

  1. Makin' all that noise

335 00:21:54,599 --> 00:21:57,169

  1. 'Cause they found new toys

336 00:21:58,033 --> 00:22:02,170

  1. Well, we can't salute ya

Can't find a flag

337 00:22:02,233 --> 00:22:05,936

  1. If that don't suit ya

That's a drag

338 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:10,571

  1. School's out for summer

339 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:18,238

  1. School's out forever

340 00:22:20,599 --> 00:22:25,104

  1. School's been blown to pieces

341 00:22:35,166 --> 00:22:38,836

  1. No more pencils

342 00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:42,503

  1. No more books

343 00:22:42,566 --> 00:22:46,169

  1. No more teacher's

344 00:22:46,233 --> 00:22:49,769

  1. Dirty looks

345 00:22:50,433 --> 00:22:52,668 [all laughing]

346 00:23:03,666 --> 00:23:06,001

  1. Well, we got no class

347 00:23:07,266 --> 00:23:09,868

  1. And we got no principles

348 00:23:10,900 --> 00:23:13,502

  1. And we got no innocence

349 00:23:14,533 --> 00:23:17,202

  1. We can't even think

of a word that rhymes

350 00:23:18,666 --> 00:23:23,370

  1. School's out forever

351 00:23:25,533 --> 00:23:30,204

  1. School's out for summer

352 00:23:32,799 --> 00:23:37,204

  1. School's out with fever

353 00:23:39,533 --> 00:23:43,036

  1. My school's been blown

354 00:23:43,099 --> 00:23:46,937

  1. To pieces #

355 00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:03,602 Well, it's been a little strange tonight, even for us,

356 00:24:03,666 --> 00:24:06,402 but before we all go home and hide under the bed,

357 00:24:06,466 --> 00:24:10,002 uh, let us bring out our vey special guest, Alice Cooper!

358 00:24:10,066 --> 00:24:12,668 [applause]

359 00:24:12,733 --> 00:24:14,935 What a great show!

360 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,001 [chattering indistinctly]

361 00:24:17,066 --> 00:24:19,134 Kermit, it's been a real pleasure.

362 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:22,202 [thunderous rumbling]

363 00:24:22,266 --> 00:24:26,069 [Gonzo] This is the voice of doom!

364 00:24:26,133 --> 00:24:28,301 Sounds more like the voice of Gonzo.

365 00:24:28,366 --> 00:24:30,634 [all gasping]

366 00:24:30,700 --> 00:24:33,502 Gonzo, is that the contract with the devil?

367 00:24:33,566 --> 00:24:38,103 Uh, no, it's worse than that. This is the bill from Special Effects.

368 00:24:38,166 --> 00:24:40,568 [all groaning]

369 00:24:40,633 --> 00:24:44,570 l don't want to think about it. We'll see you next time on rhe Muppet Show.

370 00:25:21,933 --> 00:25:23,834 So that was Alice Cooper?

371 00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:26,636 You should see his sister, James Fennimore.

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