00:00:08 [Knocking on door]
00:00:10 Peter Sellers, 15 seconds to curtain, Mr. Sellers. Gonzo?
00:00:17 - [Shouts] - [Knife twangs]
00:00:19 Fifteen seconds? I should live so long.
00:00:26 It's The Muppet Show, with our special guest star, Mr. Peter Sellers.
00:00:31 [Applause and whistles]
00:00:45 # Lt's time to play the music Lt's time to light the light
00:00:49 # Lt's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight
00:00:53 # Lt's time to put on makeup Lt's time to dress up right
00:00:57 # Lt's time to get things started
00:00:59 - [coughs to beat of music] - [Blows nose]
00:01:02 # Lt's time to get things started
00:01:03 # On the most sensational, inspirational
00:01:06 # celebrational, Muppetational
00:01:08 # This is what we call The Muppet Show #
00:01:23 Welcome, welcome, to The Muppet Show.
00:01:25 Hey, tonight's guest star is one of the great film stars of the world.
00:01:30 He is the epitome of the witty, urbane Englishman,
00:01:33 so, naturally, we've asked him to play a demented gypsy violinist.
00:01:38 Listen, I run the show and I don't understand it.
00:01:40 Anyhow, here he is now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Peter Sellers.
00:01:52 It is I, Boris.
00:01:54 With his sobbing violin.
00:01:56 We have got any requests?
00:01:58 Yes, but you gonna play anyway.
00:02:01 [All laughing]
00:02:03 Such unkindness is to break the heart, huh?
00:02:08 # A gypsy' s heart is yearning
00:02:12 # A gypsy's blood is churning
00:02:15 # A gypsy's brain is learning
00:02:20 # A gypsy's roast is burning
00:02:25 # There are tears on the strings
00:02:30 # Of a gypsy's violin
00:02:33 # And tears fall on the bow as he cries
00:02:40 # Poor poor gypsy
00:02:43 # Now L cannot play
00:02:46 # Until my violin dries
00:02:50 # So-oh-oh
00:02:53 # Play zigeuner play, play, play
00:02:56 # Leave all your sorrows be forgotten
00:03:00 # Play zigeuner play, play, play
00:03:02 # Even though your playing may be rotten
00:03:06 [Boris] Who said that? Something's rotten here.
00:03:09 - Not me, not me, Boris. - You say some rotten things here.
00:03:13 # Oh, the gypsy's heart is aching
00:03:15 # And the gypsy's heart is sad
00:03:18 # As he dances to the beating tambourines
00:03:22 [all] Oh!
00:03:27 # Once his love gave him golden earrings
00:03:32 # And now his ears are turning green
00:03:35 # So-oh-oh
00:03:38 # Play zigeuner play, play, play
00:03:41 # Play with all your delicate precision
00:03:44 # Play zigeuner play, play, play
00:03:47 # Soon you'll be replaced by television
00:03:51 # Play play play play
00:03:54 # Play gypsy play, play play play play
00:03:58 # Play gypsy play, play play play play
00:04:02 # Play gypsy play, play play play play
00:04:04 [rapidly] # Play play play
00:04:13 Listen, any more talk like that and I will play.
00:04:17 # Play gypsy
00:04:20 # Play #
00:04:31 I love good gypsy music.
00:04:33 - So? - So, I wish they'd play some.
00:04:37 - [Cheering, whooping] - Quiet, quiet, quiet backstage!
00:04:41 Backstage is quiet!
00:04:43 Next time I think I'm going to schedule a nice, quiet Gregorian chant.
00:04:47 [Motorcycle revs]
00:04:49 Gangway! Cancel my motorcycle act, Kermit!
00:04:52 - Gonzo! - [Crashing]
00:04:56 Oh, what a day this has been.
00:04:57 If this keeps up, I'm gonna wind up talking to myself.
00:05:02 Ooh, my, my. Another scientific breakthrough for Muppet Labs.
00:05:06 Bunsen Honeydew, what do you mean sneaking up on me like that?
00:05:11 Something's going on here.
00:05:13 I've been shouted at, run down by a motorcycle,
00:05:15 - and now I'm... - Hey, Kermit?
00:05:17 You're talking to yourself.
00:05:20 Thank goodness we got a quiet song coming up.
00:05:30 # When the whippoorwill is singing in the forest
00:05:36 That's a whippoorwill right there.
00:05:38 # When the little brook is murmuring a tune
00:05:43 # When the mockingbird is chirping in the wild wood
00:05:49 # And a lonely wolf is howling at the moon
00:05:56 # When the leaves of the old oak tree start a-rustling
00:06:01 # And a waterfall makes sounds like woman's tears
00:06:06 # When the whole world is filled
00:06:09 # With Mother Nature's noises
00:06:13 # That's the time to stuff cotton in your ears #
00:06:20 You never know when something funny is gonna happen on this show.
00:06:24 - Did something funny happen? - Yeah.
00:06:26 You'd never know it.
00:06:29 Rowlf, that was supposed to be a nice, quiet number.
00:06:35 - [Beaker making noises] - Beaker!
00:06:36 - [Alarmed cry] - [Crashing]
00:06:41 Beaker?! What is it with you guys from the lab?
00:06:44 Where's Bunsen and now you? What are you guys trying to do to us?!
00:06:47 - Hey, Kermit? - What is it?
00:06:49 Now you're shouting at yourself.
00:06:54 [Imitates woman] Tell John Brown we are ready to receive him.
00:07:00 Peter, what is this?
00:07:03 It was to have been, my dear Kermit,
00:07:05 it was to have been a grand impersonation
00:07:08 of her late Majesty, Queen Victoria,
00:07:16 But, but, uh, what went wrong?
00:07:19 I couldn't remember what she looked like.
00:07:23 I just love all your wild characters, Peter.
00:07:26 But, you know, backstage here, you can just relax and be yourself.
00:07:29 Mmm, mmm, but that, you see, my dear Kermit,
00:07:32 would be altogether impossible.
00:07:34 I could never be myself.
00:07:35 - Never yourself? - No.
00:07:37 You see, there is no me. I do not exist.
00:07:43 I, I beg your pardon?
00:07:51 - Yes? - There used to be a me.
00:07:53 - Mm-hmm. - But, I had it surgically removed.
00:08:02 Can we change the subject?
00:08:04 Oh, certainly, certainly.
00:08:05 Um... as a matter of fact,
00:08:08 you might just be interested in a new act I have recently perfected.
00:08:14 - Um... - Well, what is it?
00:08:16 - Well, it's original, it's original. - Yeah?
00:08:20 I recite the soliloquy from Shakespeare's Richard the Third,
00:08:25 whilst, and at the same time,
00:08:28 playing tuned chickens.
00:08:31 So, you recite the soliloquy from Shakespeare's Richard the Third,
00:08:35 whist, and at the same time, playing tuned chickens?
00:08:39 You have it, my dear, Kermit. You have it.
00:08:41 Tuned chickens, mmm, once more into the bridge.
00:08:49 [Clears throat]
00:08:50 And now, is the winter of our discontent...
00:08:55 ... made glorious summer...
00:08:58 ... by this sun of York.
00:09:01 - And all the clouds... - [clucking]
00:09:04 - ... that lour'd upon our house... - [clucking]
00:09:06 ... in the deep bosom of the ocean buried.
00:09:13 Thank you.
00:09:18 - [Kermit stammers] - They did fine.
00:09:20 - I enjoy a good ticking. - [Kermit stammering]
00:09:24 That act is really wonderful.
00:09:26 - Uh, but you can't do that on our show. - Why ever not?
00:09:29 Because Gonzo just did it last month.
00:09:32 It died, Peter.
00:09:35 It was terrible. I mean, they've got no taste around here.
00:09:38 Ooh, but you're absolutely right, my dear Gonzo.
00:09:41 They have no taste at all.
00:09:46 Where did he go?
00:09:47 Well, that's been happening all day around here. I don't know why.
00:09:50 But, if people or objects suddenly appear or disappear, try to ignore them.
00:09:55 [Stammers] Cancel that last remark!
00:09:58 - Run! - I have a pressing appointment!
00:10:02 Oh, thank goodness he got away in time.
00:10:08 Uh, unlike some people around here.
00:10:16 And now, ladies and gentlemen...
00:10:18 ...uh, my foot is stuck.
00:10:20 Uh, and now, ladies and gentlemen... who chews gum around here?
00:10:24 Uh, the Great Gonzo also sings and...
00:10:27 uh, here he is to sing an old favorite, Down Memory Lane.
00:10:30 [Cries out] Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Gonzo.
00:12:31 [Grunts] Seventy-three.
00:12:33 Somebody call for a masseur?
00:12:35 Oh, yes, Doc, good.
00:12:38 [Chuckles] Well, I'm just here to try to...
00:12:42 ...loosen up your knotty little body, yes? [chuckling]
00:12:47 - Go ahead, Doc. - I shall start here.
00:12:50 - [Moaning] - How does that feel?
00:12:52 You like that?
00:12:54 - Oh, yeah. - Good.
00:12:56 Well, the next thing I must do
00:12:58 is to test out the elasticity of the tendons in the leg areas.
00:13:08 - By the use of the simple thing... - Ow!
00:13:13 I'm sure I didn't miss you, I'm a very good shot.
00:13:19 Tell me, Link, if you can feel that the flab is moving. How is that?
00:13:25 - [Groans] - How is that?
00:13:27 And again is on this one here.
00:13:34 Oh, Dr. De Ericlever is pleased, you know.
00:13:37 Very unusual feeling.
00:13:40 Oh, Link, I'm going to try both of them in this.
00:13:43 - How is that? Feel that? - Oh! Yeah.
00:13:47 Doing you good, Linky?
00:13:50 Yay, I caught it.
00:13:56 Ah, Link, let me see if it has done what I need.
00:14:01 Oh, yes.
00:14:07 Yes, yes.
00:14:09 Yes, I think also...
00:14:12 Yes, this is necessary. Are you prepared for a bit of manipulation here?
00:14:17 I'm going to easily bring this leg around...
00:14:22 ...up! - Ahh!
00:14:27 - You did not feel that, Link? - Oh, no.
00:14:30 - Your muscles are in good condition. - Oh, yeah.
00:14:33 I can tell a good muscle when I feel one, Link.
00:14:37 And this one will have to close our other side!
00:14:44 That is leaving your arms free at the moment, you know.
00:14:47 Oh, yeah.
00:14:48 But, is necessary when in this position,
00:14:51 for the vertebras and the deltoids, you understand,
00:14:55 to bring this arm here and the other arm there.
00:15:03 And putting this here like this.
00:15:07 Wait, Link, you've got my arm in here.
00:15:11 Let go of me, Link.
00:15:14 Let go of my arm, Link.
00:15:18 Thank you, Link.
00:15:20 I can see you like to keep it when you've got it, huh?
00:15:25 Why don't I put that here?
00:15:27 Is that my foot?
00:15:29 Ah, Linky, how do you feel?
00:15:33 Ah, yes, well, very different, Doc.
00:15:35 All that blood is circulating nicely on your body.
00:15:39 Good. I can see that you are in real good condition now, Link.
00:15:44 - [Moan] - Same time next week.
00:16:03 - [Link] Help! - Was that supposed to end that way?
00:16:06 I don't think so.
00:16:07 - Go check the next act, please. - Yes, sir.
00:16:10 Kermit, take it easy. Come on, now.
00:16:13 Uh, Kermit, that's the best massage I've ever had.
00:16:18 - Hmm. - That Peter O'Toole is good.
00:16:22 Hey! Peter O'Toole? Link!
00:16:24 [Both scream]
00:16:26 [Glass breaking]
00:16:28 [Stammers] What is this? I think I'm going crazy today!
00:16:32 Kermit! Oh, Kermit!
00:16:34 Kermit! Oh, no! The next act just cancelled.
00:16:37 [Cries out] What? But, that was a terrific act.
00:16:41 It was Prunella and her Prancing Poultry.
00:16:44 Yeah... Kermit, see, about that poultry...
00:16:48 ...yesterday duck hunting season began.
00:16:53 I don't want to hear about it. I will go and explain to the audience.
00:16:58 Uh... uh, ladies and gentlemen,
00:17:00 I don't know how to tell you this,
00:17:03 frankly, the next act can't make it.
00:17:05 They're otherwise engaged with a lot of orange sauce, I'm afraid.
00:17:10 Anyhow, I don't have anything to replace it.
00:17:16 Oh, boy.
00:17:17 You may have noticed that we're not terribly well organized around here,
00:17:21 and tonight I'm just barely making it, I don't know...
00:17:24 ...sometimes it's very difficult.
00:17:33 # Lt's not easy being green
00:17:39 # Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
00:17:46 # When L think it could be nicer
00:17:49 # Being red or yellow or gold
00:17:53 # Or something much more colorful like that
00:18:01 # Lt's not easy bein' green
00:18:06 # Lt seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
00:18:13 # And people tend to pass you over
00:18:17 # Cause you're not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
00:18:21 # Or stars in the sky
00:18:29 # But green's the color of spring
00:18:34 # And green can be cool and friendly-like
00:18:43 # And green can be big like a mountain
00:18:48 # Or important like a river
00:18:52 # Or tall like a tree
00:19:03 # When green is all there is to be
00:19:09 # Lt could make you wonder why
00:19:14 # But why wonder
00:19:17 # Why wonder
00:19:20 # L'm green and it'll do fine
00:19:25 It's beautiful.
00:19:27 # And L think it's what L want to be #
00:19:34 [birds singing]
00:19:49 Welcome again to Muppet Labs where the future is being made today.
00:19:54 Well, I am just bubbly with excitement.
00:19:57 We have just been testing our new Muppet Labs teleporter
00:20:00 and it works perfectly.
00:20:02 You see, a teleporter is a device which instantly transports people
00:20:06 from one place to another.
00:20:08 A-ha! So, that's what's been happening here.
00:20:11 You have been zapping people in and out of my theater!
00:20:14 [Stammers] I'm in the midst of a very important demonstration.
00:20:17 Yeah? Well, listen, I'm in the midst of a nervous breakdown.
00:20:20 You cannot go zapping people around...
00:20:23 As I was saying, our new teleporter works perfectly.
00:20:27 A few minutes ago, I sent my assistant, Beaker,
00:20:30 hurtling through space to the deepest jungles in Africa.
00:20:33 And now we will bring him back.
00:20:40 Beaker, put that gorilla back!
00:20:43 You don't know where he's been.
00:20:46 [Clears throat] There.
00:20:48 Back to Africa they go. And now just Beaker will return.
00:20:53 [Kermit yelling] This has got to stop, Dr. Honeydew!
00:20:57 - [Shouting] - [Stammers]
00:20:59 That's all today from Muppet Labs.
00:21:01 You bet that's all!
00:21:06 I am gonna make this introduction.
00:21:09 - Ladies and gentlemen... - Now is the winter of our discontent.
00:21:13 Peter! You're supposed to be in your costume for your next number.
00:21:16 - I beg your pardon. - Wait. By the way...
00:21:19 - Yes? - The show is running a bit long.
00:21:21 - So try to be short. - Short? Yes.
00:21:23 How about this?
00:21:27 He takes things so literally.
00:21:30 Ladies and gentlemen, I take pride in presenting
00:21:33 the incredible Peter Sellers!
00:21:41 A preachment, dear friends, you're about to receive,
00:21:45 on John Barleycorn, nicotine and the temptations of Eve.
00:21:49 - Yay! - Let's hear it.
00:21:52 You will, brother, you will.
00:21:54 Melodies, please.
00:22:00 [# Cigarettes, Whiskey and Wild, Wild Women]
00:22:38 I believe, I'll give it up!
00:23:21 - Same temptation. - Somebody get that bum outta here.
00:24:13 Hallelujah brother.
00:24:24 OK, well, that's about it for this show but, before we go,
00:24:27 let us have a warm thank you for our very special guest star,
00:24:30 ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Peter Sellers!
00:24:36 Thank you very much, indeed.
00:24:38 Uh, well, there you are.
00:24:47 This is all too much for me. We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show.
00:25:27 Well, what did you think?
00:25:30 Yeah, I know what you...