00:00:09 [Scooter] Elton John. Elton John.
00:00:11 15 seconds to curtain, Mr. John.
00:00:15 It's great to be here. Even my lunch likes me.
00:00:18 [All calling out]
00:00:25 It's The Muppet Show with our special guest star, Mr. Elton John!
00:00:30 [Audience screaming]
00:00:44 # Lt's time to play the music Lt's time to light the light
00:00:48 # Lt's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight
00:00:52 # Lt's time to put on makeup Lt's time to dress up right
00:00:56 # Lt's time to get things started
00:01:01 # Lt's time to get things started
00:01:02 # On the most sensational, inspirational
00:01:05 # Celebrational, Muppetational
00:01:07 # This is what we call The Muppet Show! #
00:01:20 Thank you, thank you and welcome to The Muppet Show.
00:01:23 We're going to have a wonderful show for you tonight.
00:01:25 We're all very excited because our guest star
00:01:27 is one of the world's greatest recording stars.
00:01:30 And here he is now. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!
00:01:47 [# Crocodile Rock: Elton John]
00:04:39 See you later, alligator.
00:04:44 OK, listen guys, how many times have I told you?
00:04:47 Never eat the guest stars at the beginning of the show.
00:04:50 Oh, Miss Piggy, is Elton John OK?
00:04:53 OK? He's fantastic!
00:04:56 Terrific. Scooter! Scooter!
00:04:59 Chef, you're on next.
00:05:00 [Speaks mock Swedish]
00:05:02 I know.
00:05:04 I know.
00:05:06 I know!
00:05:09 I don't know.
00:05:10 Scooter! Scooter!
00:05:12 Yes, chief?
00:05:14 What are you doing with this piano?
00:05:16 I found this song for Elton John. He's just gotta hear it.
00:05:20 He don't gotta hear it.
00:05:21 Gee, my uncle who owns this theatre wanted him to hear it.
00:05:24 Where do you want the piano?
00:05:26 Upstairs in Elton John's dressing room.
00:05:28 You got it.
00:05:33 [Singing in mock Swedish]
00:05:45 [Speaks in mock Swedish]
00:07:15 Let's sneak out and have a pizza.
00:07:20 Kermit, I know you like to make your guests feel at home,
00:07:23 but don't you think a piano in the dressing room is overdoing it?
00:07:27 See, I've been meaning to talk to you about this piano.
00:07:30 See, we've got a gofer around here and, uh...
00:07:33 We've had frogs, chickens and now a gopher?
00:07:35 Yeah, that's an old theatrical term.
00:07:38 A gofer is somebody you have around to go for coffee. Isn't that interesting?
00:07:43 You see, this gofer of ours has found a song
00:07:47 he wants you to do on the show.
00:07:49 Kermit, I thought you were more professional than that.
00:07:52 I'm sorry, Elton, but the kid has taste.
00:07:55 He's got talent and his uncle owns the theatre. Please, please!
00:07:59 OK, OK, let's hear it.
00:08:00 OK, Scooter, come on in! Get it over with.
00:08:03 OK, chief. Elton, sit down.
00:08:05 Make yourself comfortable. You'll love it! Ready?
00:08:11 [All singing]
00:08:22 Hold it! Stop! Hold it!
00:08:25 Scooter, I told you Elton wouldn't like that song.
00:08:28 That song is tasteless. That song has no melody.
00:08:31 Isn't that the worst song you've ever heard, Elton?
00:08:34 Well, I didn't think so when I wrote it.
00:08:38 - You wrote that song? - Yep.
00:08:40 Oh. It's a rather interesting song. It's got a nice little melody.
00:08:50 - You really hated it, huh? - Well, uh... yeah.
00:08:53 - It can sound different. - It can?
00:08:56 Yeah, let me show you.
00:08:57 Let's hear it.
00:08:58 [# Bennie and the Jets: Elton John]
00:10:09 [Announcer] Time once again for Veterinarian's Hospital.
00:10:13 The continuing story
00:10:14 of a quack who's gone to the dogs.
00:10:21 Here's the next patient, Dr. Bob.
00:10:24 It's a dog! I hope he doesn't have fleas.
00:10:27 - Why not? - I hate to start from scratch.
00:10:31 What kind of dog is he, Dr. Bob?
00:10:33 - Ask him what time it is. - Why?
00:10:35 He might be a watch dog.
00:10:38 Of course, he could be a guard dog.
00:10:40 You know, I know a woman who was once attacked by her own guard dog.
00:10:44 - Doberman pinscher? - No, Doberman bit her!
00:10:48 Where did you find him?
00:10:50 At the lost and hound department.
00:10:53 - I wish he was a dachsund. - Why?
00:10:56 I'd like to get a long little doggy.
00:11:00 [Announcer] And so once again, Dr. Bob has taken the bulldog by the horns.
00:11:05 Tune in next week when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say...
00:11:07 Dr. Bob, I think the patient is running a fever.
00:11:10 - Go get some mustard. - Mustard?
00:11:12 That's what you always put on a hot dog.
00:11:19 [Plays piano]
00:11:33 Hey, I didn't know you could play the piano.
00:11:36 - I didn't know it either. - Join in.
00:11:44 Very good. Here I go.
00:11:47 Oh, he's good.
00:11:58 This is my part. Take it.
00:12:02 - Very good. - Thank you.
00:12:08 Yeah. Together!
00:12:13 You take it now, OK? Ready, go!
00:12:21 Come on in!
00:12:27 This is fun! Ah!
00:12:36 - Ready? - What?
00:12:37 - Fodulate. - What's that?
00:12:40 - You did it! - Thank you! Whatever.
00:12:44 - Oh, my hat! - Hey!
00:12:46 What do I do?
00:12:49 - Can you play hatless? - What?
00:12:51 - Can you play hatless? - I don't know. Who wrote it?
00:12:54 - Keep playing! - Yes, sir.
00:12:57 Oh, that's how it works, huh?
00:12:59 - Just play! - Yes, sir!
00:13:05 Big finish!
00:13:10 - Watch out! - Huh?
00:13:18 [# Any Old Lron]
00:15:19 - Ladies and gentlemen... - [clucking]
00:15:21 [Shouting in mock Swedish]
00:15:24 Kermit's allowed me to do an introduction to our guest star.
00:15:28 But I promised not to get carried away,
00:15:30 so I'll be very understated.
00:15:31 Here he is, the greatest talent in the history of the universe,
00:15:35 Elton John!
00:15:44 [# Goodbye Yellow Brick Road: Elton John]
00:18:42 [Announcer] And now, Pigs in Space!
00:18:50 Starring the intangible Link Hogthrob.
00:18:54 The redoubtable Miss Piggy.
00:18:58 And the sanctimonious Dr. Strangepork.
00:19:03 As we left the Swinetreck last time,
00:19:05 the crew had just been overcome
00:19:07 with a fearful attack of boredom.
00:19:14 [All sighing]
00:19:16 Oh, the endless sameness of eternal space.
00:19:20 A pig could go mad.
00:19:22 We only blasted off 20 minutes ago.
00:19:25 That long?
00:19:28 At least we could have brought a TV set.
00:19:30 I'm missing all my favorite bowling shows.
00:19:34 You and your bowling shows.
00:19:37 - He cries at the sad parts. - [Strangepork laughs]
00:19:42 Uh, Doctor. What does that red light mean?
00:19:45 The red light means stop. The green light means go.
00:19:49 No, no, no, no. Not traffic lights, you twit!
00:19:53 That light on the console.
00:19:55 Oh, that light.
00:19:57 That means we've been invaded by alien beings.
00:20:02 [Both] Oh.
00:20:05 [All] What?
00:20:07 Yes, even now hideous creatures of some sort are roaming the ship!
00:20:10 Oh, help! Do something, Miss Piggy!
00:20:13 If they're like snakes I'll scream!
00:20:16 You're the captain, fatso!
00:20:19 According to the sensors, there are two creatures.
00:20:22 Two? Two snakes?
00:20:24 I'll just die!
00:20:26 Will you please?
00:20:29 Yes, here's the read-out.
00:20:30 One is very frightened and has feathers.
00:20:33 The other speaks some sort of strange Scandinavian tongue.
00:20:39 [All screaming]
00:20:40 [Dr. Strangepork] Aliens! Alien beings in the control room!
00:20:43 Alien beings in the control room!
00:20:46 Help! Oh, they're hideous creatures
00:20:49 loose in the control room!
00:20:51 [Clucking fades]
00:21:01 Well, they're gone.
00:21:05 Somehow, I miss them.
00:21:10 Oh, the endless sameness of eternal space.
00:21:15 [All sighing]
00:21:18 [Announcer] Tune in next week and be bored again by
00:21:22 Pigs in Space!
00:21:28 [Shouting in mock Swedish]
00:21:31 [Loud clucking]
00:21:38 Kermit. About this Elton John.
00:21:42 I have seen some pretty weird guests on this show,
00:21:46 but this Elton John borders on the revolutionary.
00:21:49 Well, Sam, Elton John is a very important musician.
00:21:53 Then why does he dress like a stolen car?
00:21:58 Sam, musicians have always been fancy dressers.
00:22:01 Mozart wasn't.
00:22:03 Mozart wore high heels and wigs and silk stockings.
00:22:07 Hold your little green tongue!
00:22:10 It's true, Sam.
00:22:12 If Mozart wore high heels, wigs and stockings, I'll eat my hat.
00:22:16 And give Elton John a big introduction?
00:22:19 That, too.
00:22:20 Look at this great picture of Mozart Elton John gave me!
00:22:24 Love those high heels and silk stockings.
00:22:28 Sam, you know you'd look great in a powdered wig.
00:22:32 Good grief! I've been hornswaggled.
00:22:36 OK guys, come on in!
00:22:38 [Talking and commotion]
00:22:50 Do I have to do this?
00:22:52 Yes, you do, Sam. A bet is a bet.
00:22:55 All right. Um, let's see.
00:22:57 I am proud to introduce one of the great names in popular music.
00:23:01 One of my all time favorites,
00:23:04 Elton John.
00:23:07 All right.
00:23:15 All right!
00:23:17 There's a wonderful lady that I have always wanted to work and sing with.
00:23:22 So will you please give a great reception
00:23:24 to the fantastic Miss Piggy!
00:23:27 Oh, thank you! Kissy, kissy! Kisses to you all!
00:23:31 Oh, Elton, have you been waiting long, poopsie?
00:23:33 - It seems like an eternity. - Of course it does.
00:23:37 - Ready! - Um-hmm!
00:23:39 [# Don't Go Breaking My Heart: Elton John]
00:24:54 Eat your heart out, Kiki!
00:26:00 Hey, we look like members of the rock age.
00:26:03 No, we look more like members of the Stone Age.
00:26:11 Well, that's about all the time we have.
00:26:15 Boy, are we gonna have some wardrobe bill.
00:26:18 But we're gonna save on the light bill.
00:26:21 That's true. Once again, let's bring out our special guest star
00:26:24 and the man who caused all this, Mr. Elton John!
00:26:34 Boy, Elton, you look weird!
00:26:38 Well, you guys are all dressed like stolen cars.
00:26:42 Hey, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
00:27:22 Well, what did you think?
00:27:23 [Shouting in mock Swedish]
00:27:26 I hate running gags.