The Muppet Show transcript for Episode 206: Nancy Walker.
Cold open[]
Theme[]
Kermit | It's The Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Miss Nancy Walker! |
The curtain opens and the theme begins. | |
Statler and Waldorf enter their box late. | |
Waldorf | Hurry up, they're starting! |
Gonzo's trumpet fires off two gunshots. |
Opening act[]
Fozzie enters the main stage, talking to someone offstage. | |
Fozzie | But I can't! I don't know what to do! |
Scooter pokes through the back curtain. | |
Scooter | He said it was up to you. (leaves) |
Fozzie | (groans, then notices the audience) Oh, oh! Hiya, hiya, hiya! Hey, uh... Maybe you can tell that I am not, uh, Kermit the Frog. You see, just moments ago Kermit went home. He's not feeling very well. Uh, so he left me in charge. |
Statler | Oh no, did you hear that? I wonder how sick the frog is. |
Waldorf | Well, if he put the bear in charge, he's very sick. |
Fozzie | Give me a break, guys, huh? Uh, look, we'll still have a great time tonight, because I know exactly what to do... Uh... |
Silence as he realizes he does not. Scooter peeks through the back curtain again. | |
Scooter | (stage whispering) Talk about Nancy Walker! |
Fozzie | Oh yeah, oh yeah. Uh... (clears throat) Tonight's wonderful guest star is the very talented lady of song and comedy, Miss Nancy Walker. (to the curtain) Now what? |
Scooter | Introduce the opening number. |
Fozzie | Introduce the... Oh, yeah. Uh, here is the opening number! (freezes) |
Scooter | Leave the stage! |
Fozzie | Oh, yeah, yeah. Be gentle, I'm new at this. |
Crazy Harry and a troop of Whatnot soldiers blow up houses, trees and airplanes to the tune of "Night Train." They blow a hole in the wall beside Statler and Waldorf's balcony. | |
Statler | Oh, for once we got a blast out of something on this show. |
Waldorf | Yeah, but how do you dig a foxhole in a theater box? |
Backstage[]
Luncheon counter[]
Backstage[]
Veterinarian's Hospital At the Dance[]
Backstage[]
UK spot[]
UK Spot: Berlington Bertie sings "My Old Dutch," assisted by Rowlf on the piano. The song even brings Statler and Waldorf to tears. |
Birds[]
A man listens to the singing of several birds, including his own pet bird that's in a cage, until a Giant Chicken crashes through his wall and puts him in the cage. |
Dressing room[]
Fozzie is with Nancy Walker in her dressing room. | |
Fozzie | Hey, I just wanna tell you, I know the show has been a little shaky, but I've got everything under control now, Miss Walker. |
Nancy | Miss who? |
Fozzie | (embarrassed) Oh, Walker, isn't that right? |
Nancy | Oh, yeah. Come on, I was only kidding. Anyway, the show isn't that bad. |
Fozzie | It isn't? |
Nancy | No, I mean look, the audience liked it. They all came back, they stayed. |
Fozzie | Yeah! |
Nancy | Very clever of you to lock the doors. |
Fozzie | (sigh) That's cruelty to bears. |
Nancy | Listen, as for the, uh, sketches being done at the same time... |
Fozzie | Yeah... |
Nancy | Do you know how many times I've seen that done? |
Fozzie | How many? How many? |
Nancy | Never. |
Fozzie | Oh... |
Nancy | You know what I do when things don't go right? |
Fozzie | No. |
Nancy | Nothing's impossible, I have found
For when my chin is on the ground I pick myself up, dust myself off, And start all over again. |
Fozzie | Yeah, but... |
Nancy pulls him into a hug and continues singing "Pick Yourself Up." | |
Nancy | Ah, don't lose your confidence
If you slip, just be grateful for a pleasant trip And pick yourself up, dust yourself off, And start all over again. |
Nancy gives Fozzie a kiss. | |
Fozzie | Oh... oh, thank you, thank you, Miss Walker. I feel terrific now! |
Nancy | Well, I'm glad you're happy. |
Fozzie | Yeah! |
Nancy | But listen. |
Fozzie | Hmm? |
Nancy | That's just a song. Your show's in a lot of trouble. |
Fozzie covers his face. |