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Episode 204: Rich Little/transcript

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00:00:08 Rich Little! Oh, Rich Little!

00:00:11 Forty-five seconds to curtain, Mr. Little.

00:00:14 [Little blabbering]

00:00:17 Godfrey Daniels! Send for a shepherd.

00:00:20 There seems to be a pig in my dressing room.

00:00:27 Gee, that was W.C. Fields. Where's Rich Little?

00:00:35 Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world,

00:00:39 I had to walk into this infested hole.

00:00:42 Ah, here's looking at... at you, kid.

00:00:51 Wow, Humphrey Bogart. But where's Rich Little?

00:00:56 Oh, I'll be ready, Scooter, little buddy.

00:01:03 Boy, Rich Little does impressions of everybody.

00:01:08 [Drumroll]

00:01:09 It's The Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Mr. Rich Little.

00:01:14 [Applause]

00:01:28 # Lt's time to play the music Lt's time to light the light

00:01:32 # Lt's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight

00:01:36 # Lt's time to put on makeup Lt's time to dress up right

00:01:41 # Lt's time to get things started

00:01:43 - I've seen enough. Let's leave. - Mmm.

00:01:45 # Lt's time to get things started

00:01:47 # On the most sensational, inspirational celebrational, Muppetational

00:01:51 # This is what we call The Muppet Show! #

00:01:59 [high-pitch squeak]

00:02:05 [Applause]

00:02:06 OK, greetings, greetings, sayeth the frog

00:02:09 and welcome to another half hour of whatever this is.

00:02:12 For tonight, we tried to book every internationally-known superstar

00:02:16 to appear on our stage at the same time!

00:02:19 Uh, they couldn't make it.

00:02:20 Yeah, baby-sitting problems and stuff like that, I guess.

00:02:24 Actually, we did get one star, and he's enough

00:02:26 because he can become all of the other ones.

00:02:29 Naturally, I'm referring to the master impressionist, Mr. Rich Little.

00:02:33 But before we see him, how about a little Chanson D'Amour, hmm?

00:02:37 [# Chanson D'Amour]

00:02:56 [Explosion]

00:03:06 [Explosion]

00:03:22 [Explosion]

00:03:41 [Explosion]

00:03:47 [Explosions]

00:04:01 Oh, what'd I miss?

00:04:03 Oh, nothing, they just bombed again.

00:04:07 Hey, very sensitive, Crazy Harry.

00:04:10 You certainly have a way with a lyric.

00:04:14 Hey, Kermit, Kermit. Have you seen any chickens around here today?

00:04:18 Gonzo, why would there be any chickens around here?

00:04:21 Well, I'm auditioning for my new dancing chicken act.

00:04:25 It's gonna be sensational!

00:04:28 A dancing chicken act? Gonzo, I've never heard of anything as ridiculous

00:04:31 as a dancing chicken.

00:04:34 How about a talking frog?

00:04:37 Be wise, Gonzo.

00:04:39 Well, look, I advertised for dancing chickens in the paper.

00:04:42 So the minute they show up, just send them back to the prop room, OK?

00:04:46 - Yeah. - Thank you.

00:04:47 Sure, send the chickens to the prop room. Ad in the paper!

00:04:50 Chickens can't read. Frogs, yes, but chickens, never. [gasps]

00:04:56 Uh, yeah, well, the... the prop room is down there.

00:04:59 It's the second door on your left, sir... or madam.

00:05:05 OK, it's guest star time on the old Muppet Show.

00:05:09 So here he is, the only man I know

00:05:11 who can be anyone he feels like, Mr. Rich Little!

00:05:14 - [Fanfare plays] - [Applause]

00:05:18 Thank you, thank you. It's great to be here.

00:05:21 I'd like to start off this evening by doing my impression

00:05:24 of truly one of the great comedians of our time.

00:05:31 [As Fozzie] Aaahhh. Hiya, hiya, hiya!

00:05:36 It's great to see you happy folks 'cause I'm the bear

00:05:40 with the snappy jokes! Aaahhh.

00:05:44 [Laughing] Hey, that's terrific, just great!

00:05:46 Yeah, the voice is perfect.

00:05:48 And the jokes are perfectly awful!

00:05:51 Hey, look, I'm down here pretending to be a bear.

00:05:55 They're up there pretending to be alive! Aaahhh!

00:05:58 - [Laughing] - Very good!

00:06:00 Yeah, but watch it, Rich, you'll blow the impression by being funny.

00:06:05 [As Statler] You mean you're not impressed with these impressions?

00:06:08 Was that you or him?

00:06:10 I couldn't tell. This guy's good!

00:06:14 [As Fozzie] But let me tell you, folks, a funny thing happened

00:06:17 on the way to the theater.

00:06:19 I'm coming through a crowd at the stage door when suddenly...

00:06:24 [stuttering] Don't tell me, I know.

00:06:26 - Aaahhh... - Aaahhh...

00:06:28 Bob Hope!

00:06:30 Milton Berle.

00:06:32 Jack Benny?

00:06:33 - [As Kermit] Will you get out of here?! - [Yells]

00:06:36 Uh, sorry for the interruption, folks. Uh, Kermit the Frog here.

00:06:40 We've got a really great show lined up for you tonight,

00:06:43 featuring Gonzo and the flying cheese, plus the state of New Jersey.

00:06:49 Oh, uh, gee. Uh, look... look who's here.

00:06:52 Rich, it's you! See, I was in the dressing room

00:06:54 and I heard you onstage and for a second thought I had grown a new me.

00:07:01 [As Miss Piggy] Hello, Kermie.

00:07:04 What?

00:07:06 Kissy-kissy.

00:07:08 [Laughing] Hey, it's terrific.

00:07:11 [As Miss Piggy] If you don't let me sing tonight on the show...

00:07:15 ...l'll rip off your flippers! - Please, Piggy... Rich. This is all...

00:07:20 I heard you out here talking to another woman! Where is she?

00:07:23 No, Piggy. That was Rich Little. Wasn't it, Rich?

00:07:26 Hey, uh, no, it wasn't me. I just got here myself.

00:07:28 - I thought so, swamp face! Hiyah! - But...

00:07:32 Ohh!

00:07:33 [As Miss Piggy] Hey, watch what you do to my frog, Bacon-hips.

00:07:39 - Hiyah! - Hiyah!

00:07:41 [Crashing]

00:07:43 Oh, what a performance!

00:07:44 And what a finish, right into the orchestra pit.

00:07:47 Yeah, good old Rich Little. Who else can do impressions

00:07:50 and break a piano in two with his head?

00:07:55 OK, who's next? Come on in.

00:07:57 [Clucks]

00:07:58 All right, we're auditioning here for a new dancing chicken act.

00:08:02 So naturally, I want to see you hoof. Hit it, Rowlf.

00:08:05 [Playing piano]

00:08:07 OK, can you do a little time step?

00:08:12 No, you can't do a little time step.

00:08:17 - How about the turkey trot? - [Clucks]

00:08:19 [Gonzo] Nope.

00:08:24 OK, let's see you cross over here. Come on.

00:08:31 One, two, three, four. At least do something.

00:08:42 OK, uh, don't call us, we'll call you.

00:08:46 Nice legs, though.

00:08:48 [Soft music plays]

00:08:58 I've heard that dancing is good for you,

00:09:01 that it can add ten years to your life.

00:09:03 I believe it. Dancing with you, I've aged ten years.

00:09:13 Tell me if I'm holding you too tight.

00:09:16 I say, tell me if I'm holding you too tight.

00:09:20 Now you tell me.

00:09:24 Oh, look at that. You should call him a doctor.

00:09:29 OK. You're a doctor.

00:09:35 [Animal grunting]

00:09:38 Excuse... excuse me.

00:09:40 Will you stop trying to cut in? Hiyah!

00:09:43 Aah!

00:09:47 [Grunting] What's the quickest way out of here?

00:09:52 Through the roof. [laughing]

00:10:02 [# The Boy L Love Ls Up in the Gallery]

00:11:21 Join in, everyone.

00:11:32 Take it, Piggy.

00:11:42 Everybody!

00:11:57 [Applause]

00:12:03 [# Glow Worm]

00:12:04 [Takes deep breath]

00:12:09 [Humming melody]

00:12:31 [Speaking gibberish]

00:12:34 [Both sniffing]

00:12:38 [Continues speaking gibberish]

00:12:48 [Gulps, exhales]

00:12:52 [Continues humming melody]

00:13:10 [Laughing]

00:13:23 [Continues humming melody]

00:13:41 [Speaking gibberish]

00:14:12 [Roaring]

00:14:19 [Belching]

00:14:27 There, now that's entertainment!

00:14:34 [All chattering]

00:14:35 - Oh, here he is. - Shh, shh.

00:14:38 I understand there are reporters who want to interview me.

00:14:41 Yes, that's right, I just want you to know

00:14:43 we are professional journalists. We won't ask you to do impressions.

00:14:47 - You can just be yourself. - Thank you, I appreciate that.

00:14:50 Mr. Little, I have a two-part question.

00:14:54 One, how long does it take you to work up an impression?

00:14:58 Two, would you answer as Cary Grant?

00:15:02 Listen. Now, listen, we weren't gonna ask him to perform.

00:15:05 But I just love Cary Grant.

00:15:09 [As Cary Grant] Thank you very much. I really appreciate that, I really do.

00:15:12 Well, to answer the first part of your question,

00:15:15 some come very quickly, like two or three hours,

00:15:18 and others take longer. Then there are some that I'm still working on.

00:15:22 You mean like your Cary Grant?

00:15:26 I heard that, junior.

00:15:28 Another crack out of you, and I'll turn your head into a dimple.

00:15:33 [Growls]

00:15:34 Oh, I just love Burt Lancaster.

00:15:39 I thought I was doing Cary Grant.

00:15:41 I know. But I just love Burt Lancaster.

00:15:45 [Chuckling]

00:15:47 You're very kind, miss, very kind.

00:15:50 Perhaps after this interview we could go out together,

00:15:53 have a little champagne supper.

00:15:56 Oh, I think I'm going to faint.

00:15:59 [Grunts] Good grief!

00:16:01 I must apologize for my colleagues here.

00:16:03 From now on there will be no impressions. Answer in your own voice.

00:16:07 Oh, that'll be fine.

00:16:08 Are you doing your own voice now,

00:16:10 or are you doing an impression of yourself?

00:16:14 No, this Is my own voice. I've never learned to do me.

00:16:18 Working with all the strange characters must seem like a Marx Brothers movie.

00:16:22 [As Groucho Marx] That's the nastiest thing I've heard.

00:16:25 Put your teeth in backwards and bite yourself to death.

00:16:31 Has anyone ever objected to you impersonating him?

00:16:36 [As Richard Nixon] Uh... well, of course, let me say this:

00:16:43 To the best of my... to the best of my recollection,

00:16:46 I don't think that anybody has ever objected to me impersonating them.

00:16:54 Tell me, Mr. Little, do you have your own favorite impression you like to do?

00:16:58 Well, I, uh, like...

00:17:01 Like to do Jimmy Stewart a lot, yeah, yep, yep.

00:17:05 Jimmy Stewart is probably... probably my favorite actor.

00:17:09 One last question. How does it feel to be on The Muppet Show

00:17:13 with all those strange weird creatures?

00:17:16 [As Vincent Price] Oh, I just adore the Muppets.

00:17:19 They're... they're so cute and cuddly.

00:17:22 I could just squeeze them all to death.

00:17:25 [Growling]

00:17:29 OK, everybody with Broadway experience, step forward.

00:17:37 [Announcer] And now Veterinarian's Hospital,

00:17:40 the continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs.

00:17:46 Mm! Uh, Dr. Bob, Dr. Bob,

00:17:49 are you ready for the next bear?

00:17:51 Why, Nurse Piggy, I couldn't have a beer now. I'm about to operate.

00:17:55 No, not beer, bear.

00:17:57 The next patient.

00:17:58 Oh, why, so he is. What seems to be his trouble?

00:18:02 - He's a little hoarse. - You said he was a bear.

00:18:05 That's very funny, Dr. Bob.

00:18:06 Yes, it is a little weird. Usually, you call a small horse a colt.

00:18:10 But that's why he's a little hoarse.

00:18:13 - He's got a colt in the head! - [All laughing]

00:18:16 Hey, in that case, we must try to stabilize his condition.

00:18:19 Oh, well how do we do that?

00:18:21 - Put him in the stable! - [All laughing]

00:18:24 Oh, but, Dr. Bob, we're supposed to operate.

00:18:27 You're right. Hand me the saw.

00:18:29 Saw, Dr. Bob.

00:18:31 Dr. Bob, even if he is a horse, should you be using a saw?

00:18:35 What's the matter? You never heard of a saw horse?

00:18:38 [Announcer] And so Dr. Bob has tuned to carpentry.

00:18:42 Tune in next time when you will hear him say...

00:18:45 Say, I think this is a bear I'm operating on.

00:18:48 - Why? - Because I'm barely operating.

00:18:50 [Laughing]

00:18:51 That was a very cutting remark.

00:18:54 Aaahhh!

00:19:00 OK, Scooter, let me know when he shows up, huh?

00:19:02 Nice going, guys, nice going.

00:19:04 - Hey, Kermit. - What?

00:19:06 Where are you gonna put my chicken act in the show?

00:19:08 Gonzo, I hate to break this news to you,

00:19:10 but the dancing chicken act is out.

00:19:14 But, Kermit, why?

00:19:17 Why? Well, somehow, you see, kid, it doesn't fit into the general ambiance

00:19:21 of sophistication and classic theater we try so hard to achieve around here.

00:19:26 Sort of like our next act, Nureyev.

00:19:28 Say, Kermit, Nureyev just called and canceled out.

00:19:31 One of his seals is sick.

00:19:34 Rudolf Nureyev has trained seals?

00:19:37 No. Adolph Nureyev does.

00:19:39 Does this mean I can go on?

00:19:42 Well, OK, Gonzo. But this act better not lay an egg.

00:19:45 [Gasps]

00:19:46 Stardom is mine.

00:19:51 - [Fanfare] - Uh, thank you, thank you.

00:19:53 Uh, and now we have a very special treat for you.

00:19:56 Uh, actually, it's the only act we've got.

00:19:59 Ladies and gentlemen, the incomparable Gonzo and his dancing chicken, Lolita.

00:20:04 Gonzo and a chicken?

00:20:07 Why not? One chicken, one turkey.

00:20:09 [Both laughing]

00:20:12 [# Tea for Two]

00:20:15 OK, come on, Lolita, dance.

00:20:23 She makes it look easy, don't she?

00:20:38 A big finish. Here it goes.

00:20:45 [Applause]

00:20:49 [All clucking in approval]

00:20:51 Say, that Great Gonzo's pretty good.

00:20:53 Good? Why, he's got 'em laying in the aisles.

00:20:59 And now The Muppet Show takes pride in presenting scenes

00:21:02 from the great Hollywood musical comedies of yesterday,

00:21:06 as re-created today by our very special guest star, Mr. Rich Little!

00:21:11 [Thundering]

00:21:13 [# Singin' in the Rain]

00:22:15 [As Frank Sinatra] Old Blue Eyes is back.

00:22:17 Oh, yeah? Well, so's old Green Eyes.

00:22:19 [# Well Did You Evah?]

00:22:34 Sing it, Bing.

00:23:02 I can remember everything as if it were yesterday.

00:23:06 Oh, so can I, Maurice.

00:23:08 [# L Remember Lt Well]

00:24:22 That's about it for another one.

00:24:24 Let's thank our very special guest star, Mr. Rich Little! Yeah!

00:24:28 [Applause]

00:24:30 Thank you. I've been backstage listening,

00:24:32 and I've perfected another impression of a Muppet star.

00:24:35 Oh, yeah? Well, let's hear it.

00:24:38 [Chicken clucking]

00:24:42 My kind of performer!

00:24:45 Will you cut that out? Hey, we'll see you all next time on The Muppet Show.

00:25:25 I never want to go through that again.

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