Episode 203: Heather Locklear

Muppets Tonight
Air Date	September 21, 1997
Written by	Dick Blasucci, Paul Flaherty, Darin Henry, Jim Lewis, Kirk Thatcher and Patric Verrone
Director	Gary Halvorson
Prod. no.	111
(TRANSCRIPT)

Heather Locklear appears on the show and tries to prove that she's a sweet person (as opposed to her character on Melrose Place). But problems begin when Heather eats Dr. Bunsen Honeydew's experimental mood-altering snack foods, dividing her between "Good" and "Evil" Heather. Bunsen and Beaker try to solve the problem by hypnotizing Heather to switch personalities whenever she hears two tapping sounds in a row...right before Heather has to go onstage for a final number featuring a tapping cane. The problem is eventually solved with the "Troutanoggin technique" (otherwise known as smacking someone in the head with a fish).

Skit Highlights

• "They've Got An Awful Lot of Coffee in Brazil"
• Hardy Pig Boys in "The Mystery of the Zombie Queen of the Amazon Outer Space Jungle Bee-Woman Case (based on a novel by Jane Austen)"
• Ice Station Zebra
• Fairyland PD: The Emperor's Lewd Clothes
• Muppet Heights
• Tales from the Vet
• "Strolling Through the Park One Day"

Episode

Picture	Description
	Heather Locklear enters the studio, but finds no one is around. All the Muppets are seen hiding in the closet, fearing that the bad things she does on Melrose Place will happen to them. She finds them and assures them she's nice in real life and wouldn't hurt a flea, except an annoying one that appears.
	"Muppets Tonight Theme"
	Clifford introduces Muppets Tonight, the show that has everyone saying... "Get that thing outta here!" Waldorf yells to two movers, who take the TV away. Clifford then takes us to a favorite hangout: the local coffee emporium.
	Steve enters a busy café and asks the clerk why everyone is in such a coffee craze. He calls out Theresa, who leads the rest of the customers in a big production of "The Coffee Song". Steve takes a sip and gets hooked, drinking so much his head blows off.
	Nigel complements the performers, when Steve's head falls onto the control panel, while his head-less body stumble around the control room.
	Clifford tells the audience that Heather wished to appear in something sophisticated and intelligent, prompting the crew to develop... The Hardy Pig Boys in "The Mystery of the Zombie Queen of the Amazon Outer Space Jungle Bee-Woman Case", starring Andy and Randy Pig (who also wrote the sketch) as the Hardy Pig Boys. Heather reluctantly plays the queen, Hawaya, leading to several puns on her name. Disgusted, she skips through the script, coming to the part where Frogzilla appears. Kermit is excited to play the bad guy for once, but collapses under the weight of a tree he pulls up.
	Ice Station Zebra literally freezes his stripes off while regretting his choice of outpost.
	Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker wheel down the hall their experimental "Mood Meals". The biscotti makes you nicer, while the chimichanga make you pure evil. While Bunsen heads to the bathroom, Heather takes a taste of the chimichanga (despite Beaker's warnings). She then experiences a quick mood change and delivers a large punch to Beaker, sending him flying toward the stage. Heather then enters the control room, proclaiming she is in charge now (complete with lightning and thunder). Bunsen makes a documentation from outside on his tape recorder, not noticing the chaos inside. Nigel's control panel is carried outside as he scrambles to cue something.
	UK Spot: Fairyland PD: "The Emperor's Lewd Clothes" Bobo the Bear tries out some glasses as a disguise (like Clark Kent), which surprisingly work on everyone but Clifford. They catch the Emperor supposedly streaking, but he thinks he's wearing a beautiful outfit. The Chief lets him go, since he signs the checks. He tries on Bobo's glasses and is mistaken for a crook who kidnapped the chief.
	Clifford reports to Rizzo he is putting Heather in the "Muppet Heights" sketch because of her evil nature. However, Bunsen gives word that he gave Heather the "nice" antidote.
	"21 Muppet Heights": Clark Bar (Johnny Fiama) can't keep the sketch together when Heather won't stay evil for her character, inviting Chaz (Sal Minella) and William B. Guy to a slumber party.
	Clifford can't take watching the sketch either. Rizzo tells him he'll go to Bunsen and Beaker again, sure they can't screw up twice in the same episode.
	Tales from the Vet: Dr. Phil van Neuter yells at Mulch for letting the opening music drag on while he listens to the Goldberg Variation on 8-Track. He then tells the chilling story of "Percy, the Pork-Eating Pig". In the story, Percy enjoys a ham sandwich, then wonders where his Uncle Oscar went. Afterwards, Phil commands Mulch to play the closing score, but Mulch instead plays the theme to "The Patty Duke Show". He and Mulch dance to it anyway.
	Bunsen plans to form a balance between the Heather's two personas using hypnosis, and triggers her to change from nice to nasty (and back again) at the sound of two taps. Unfortunately, she is called onstage for her final number before he can finish--and the number features tapping.
	Kermit tries singing "Strolling Through the Park One Day", but every time he taps his cane twice, Heather changes personalities. "Evil" Heather pops a child's balloon, attacks Bobo the ice-cream man, punches people, and eventually starts using her parasol to knock several bunny rabbits into the audience. Kermit figures out the trigger and quickly ends the song with two taps that restore "Good" Heather.
	The two moving men bring Statler and Waldorf a TV from the Muppets Tonight Sweepstakes; they lost!
	As Heather cheerfully babbles about the closing number, Clifford instructs Bunsen to bring her personalities back into sync. Beaker whacks her upside the head with a trout, and Heather comments that she's back to normal.
	Big Mean Carl begins eating the rest of the supply of Mood Meals, having a literal love-hate opinion of them (and a lamp and clock he eats).

Notes

File:Muppets Tonight Episode 203 - Heather Locklear

• This episode was shot as part of the first season (production number 111), but was not aired until the second.

Performers

Bill Barretta - Johnny Fiama, Bobo the Bear, Big Mean Carl, Zippity Zap

Kevin Clash - Clifford, Mulch, Bill (singing voice)

Dave Goelz - Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Gonzo, Waldorf, Randy Pig, Bill the Bubble Guy, Flea, Bill (speaking)

Brian Henson - Sal Minella, Nigel, Slim Wilson, Dr. Phil van Neuter, Seymour

Jerry Nelson - Statler, Ice Station Zebra, Percy the Ham-Eating Pig, Announcer

Frank Oz - Animal, Elderly Woman

Steve Whitmire - Kermit the Frog, Beaker, Rizzo the Rat, Andy Pig

Leslie Carrara-Rudolph

Julianne Buescher

Thom Fountain

Terri Hardin

Bruce Lanoil

Len Levitt

Drew Massey

Joe Selph

Allan Trautman

Mavis Vegas Davis as Theresa (vocals)

Cast

Muppets:

Clifford, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Beaker, Kermit the Frog, Johnny Fiama, Sal Minella, Gonzo, Bill the Bubble Guy, Nigel (Muppets Tonight), Andy and Randy Pig, Statler and Waldorf, Dr. Phil van Neuter, Mulch, Bobo the Bear, Zippety Zap, Seymour, Slim Wilson, Animal, Big Mean Carl, Bill, Flash, Chief, Randall the Zebra, Whatnots

Background Muppets:

Chip, Bean Bunny, Lenny the Lizard, Spotted Dick, Lew Zealand, Flower-Eating Monster, Blue Frackle, Zelda Rose, Quongo, Agnes Stonewick, J. P. Grosse, Banana, Parrots, Penguins, Murray the Minstrel, Rabbits

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