Theme
Opening number
Backstage
Mummenschanz
Backstage
"The Blue Danube"
Mummenschanz
At the Dance
UK spot
Talk spot
Backstage
Wayne and Wanda
Vendaface
Backstage
Muppet newsflash
Mummenschanz
Goodnights
Kermit: It's The Muppet Show with our special guest stars, the Mummenschanz,
All Muppets: It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight. It's time to put on makeup, it's time to dress up right, it's time to raise the curtain on The Muppet Show tonight.
Hey!
30 days has September, ApriI, June,
and my cousin Fred,
who'll be out on Wednesday,
To introduce our guest star
That's what I'm here to do
So it really makes me happy
To introduce to you
The Mummenschanz!
But now let's get things started
on the most sensationaI, inspirationaI
CelebrationaI, MuppetationaI
This is what we call
The Muppet Show
Thank you, thank you, And
welcome again to The Muppet Show.
And a rather unusuaI one we have
planned, because our special guest stars
are the unique masked
theater group from Switzerland
known as the Mummenschanz,
But right now, let's get things
started with Floyd, Scooter and the gang
and "Mr, Bass Man,"
Hey, Mr, Bass Man
You've got that certain something
Hey, Mr, Bass Man
You set that music thumping
To you it's easy
When you go one, two, three
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba?
You mean ba-ba-ba
ba-ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba
Yeah! Hey, Mr, Bass Man
You're on all the songs
With a
ba-ba-ba-ba boom boom
And a ba-ba-ba-ba
boom-boom bam-bam
Hey, Mr, Bass Man
You're the hidden
king of rock and roll
- # Ba-ba-ba-ba
ba? - # No, no
Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba
ba-ba ba-ba ba
� Oh! Well, it don't mean a thing
� When the leader's singing
Or when he goes
- # Ay-ay ay
hi-ay-ay-ay-ay - # Yeah
Hey, Mr, Bass Man
I'm asking just one thing
Will you please teach me
Yeah, the way you sing?
'Cause, Mr, Bass Man
I wanna be a bass man too
- # Ba-ba ba-ba
ba? - # Like this
Ba-ba-ba ba-ba
ba-ba-ba-ba ba ba
Boom boom boom boom
ba-ba-ba boom boom boom boom
- # Now you - #
Boom-boom-boom-boom boom
Ba-ba-ba
boom-boom-boom boom boom
- # With me
- # Boom boom boom boom
Ba-ba-ba
boom-boom-boom boom boom
Ba-ba-ba boom ba-ba-boom
ba-ba-boom ba-ba-boom
Ba-ba-boom boom boom
boom boom boom boom boom
Well, it don't mean a thing
When the leader's singing
Or when he goes
- # Ay-ay ay
hi-ay-ay-ay-ay - # Yeah
Hey, Mr, Bass Man
I think I'm really with it
Hey, Mr, Boom
ba-boom ba-boom
With a de-de
de-de de-de de-de
Come on, Mr, Bass Man
Now I'm a bass man too
De-de de-de
ba ba ba?
Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba
ba-ba ba-ba ba ba
Boom boom boom boom ba-ba-ba
boom-boom boom boom boom
- # Ba-ba boom-boom-boom
boom boom - # You got it
Ba-ba-ba
boom-boom-boom boom boom
Ba-ba-ba
boom-boom-boom boom boom
Ba-ba-ba
boom-boom-boom boom boom
Ba-ba-ba boom ba-ba-boom
ba-ba-boom ba-ba-boom
Ba ba boom boom boom boom boom
Cha
Genius! Genius!
- Author! Author!
A work of art,
- Brilliant,
What was that about?
- That was about, uh
a minute and a half,
Hello? Is this
DiaI-A-Joke?
Fish got to swim, birds got to fly
I've got to love one frog till I die
Hmm,
What is this?
"My dearest Piggy,"
"You must know how much
I love you," Uh, uh
"I cannot pretend any longer,"
"I will wait for you in the
dressing room, mon cher. "
It has happened! Oh!
My Kermit has admitted
his love for me at last,
And now, he waits within,
Oh, come to my arms, my
little passion flower!
I'm here, my love,
Kissy kissy?
Our special guest, the Mummenschanz,
is a group of performers who
Well, they're kind of distant
cousins to the Muppets,
They use a unique mixture
of pantomime and masks
that's about as difficult
to describe as to pronounce,
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Mummenschanz,
Fantastic, Incredible,
They remind me of puppets,
Hmm, puppets, I've
always hated puppets,
Ah, you're a traitor to your class,
What class? I never even graduated,
She kissed me, She put her arms
around me and she kissed me,
It was a case of mistaken identity,
Oh,
Hug me, Miss Piggy, Hold me,
I will not hug you, you twit turkey,
Oh,
Hold my hand, pig of my dreams,
Will you beat it, twerp?
- Oh,
Just touch me, oh hog of my heart,
Here's a touch for you, wimp buzzard,
- I'm ready!
Hii-yah!
She touched me, She swung her
porky pinkies and she touched me,
Oh
Shh!
- Shh!
Hm!
Shh!
Uh, the Mummenschanz do some
very strange-looking things,
Things that look like this,
Then there's something
that goes like this,
And how about this one?
How long we been
going together, anyway?
Oh, about ten years,
Well, it's time we got married,
Oh, gee, it's so sudden,
There is such riff-raff here,
Wouldn't you rather be associated
with a better class of people?
Yeah, But you were the
only one not dancing,
AnimaI, my watch won't run,
Ah! Here, I run it for you,
Ah! Ooh! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Hey, you are one cute
tomato, my little dumpling,
my little cupcake,
my little lamb chop,
Oh, that makes me feeI so so
- Amorous? Let's kiss,
No, hungry, Let's eat,
Hey, you know these jokes
they give us each week?
You know, they make me so
mad, I could blow my top,
Me too,
- Ladies first,
Ah, I feeI better now,
Oh, my heart is beating wildly
And it's because you're here
When I'm not near the fish I love
I love the fish I'm near
Every fin that flutters by me
Is a flame that must be fanned
When I can't fondle
the fin that I'm fond of
I fondle the fin at hand
I love every flipper
of each little kipper
For each one is hipper, my dear
When I'm not near the fish I love
I love the fish I'm near
Hello, there,
Hey,
Whoop-de-doop-de-do,
For herring I'm caring
For tuna I swoon-a
I'm faithfuI to whoever's here
When I'm not near the fish I love
I love the fish I'm near
Ah Ah Ah Ah
Help me,
- Oh, OK,
Thank you,
- It's all right,
Well, this is the part of the show
where I usually spend a few moments
talking to the guest stars, but in this
case the Mummenschanz don't talk, do you?
Yeah? Oh, well, Um
In that case, uh, say something,
I mean, say anything, It
doesn't have to be important,
I mean, you can say something silly,
Ask for silly, you get silly,
Uh, does anybody have
anything important to say?
Yeah?
And, uh, with that thought we bid
goodbye to the talk spot for another week,
Bravo! Bravo!
- What are you bravoing about?
That performance, It was first-rate,
Yes, it was good, But only one act
I've ever seen deserved a bravo,
Oh, really? Who was that?
- Lady Beth Macintosh
and her singing parakeets,
I'll never forget her
closing night at the Palace,
What happened?
- Well, she fell into a box of birdseed
just before going on stage and she
was pecked to death by the parakeets,
That's a hard act to follow,
Yeah, Well, I was there and I cried,
- Really? What did you cry?
Bravo! Bravo!
Oh, here she comes,
Get down, get down,
Oh, hi, uh, Piggy, my dear,
Did you call me "my dear," Kermie?
Indeed I did, I was just wondering if
you'd like to go to dinner after the show,
What?
- Yeah,
You know, a quiet, candlelit
meaI with soft music,
perhaps some wine,
And then go dancing, and walk
by the river in the moonlight,
Oh, I would love
those things, my dear,
Good, So would Gonzo here, and I hope
the two of you have a great evening,
Ah, Kissy kissy?
I'm gonna cut you in
half for this, Frog,
It is my distinct pleasure at this
time to present Wayne and Wanda,
of whom noted composer and
conductor Leonard Bernstein wrote:
"These two are a manifestation
of the musicaI mediocrity
that passes for talent
in our troubled times,"
Hm, Nice review,
Say it's only a paper moon
Hanging over our
Hello. I am Vendaface.
- Huh?
Simply insert coin in
slot, step up to machine,
and I will rearrange your looks.
All right,
Phase one.
This good?
Oh, Kermit?
That was a low and dirty trick,
setting up a date with me and Gonzo,
Wasn't it?
Well Well, Piggy, I suppose
it was, yeah, I'm sorry,
Oh, really? Oh!
How sweet of you to apologize
so abjectly to your lover pig,
Well, that wasn't exactly
an abject apology
Get away from me, you giant beak!
Kermit, now that you've
begged for my forgiveness
Don't touch me, creep!
Why don't we just kissy-poo
and make up, my darling?
You're breathing on me!
Kissy kissy?
- Uh
Well, Piggy, while I appreciate
this offer of affection,
I hope you'll understand
when I tell you, as usuaI,
that I do not want you,
Oh, then, can I have her?
Hiii-yah!
That is known as getting
two turkeys with one chop,
Here's
a Muppet news flash,
Dateline, Moscow,
Sergei Lenofsky, whom the Russians
claim is the world's oldest living human,
celebrated his 1 96th birthday
yesterday by taking a deep breath,
Sergei has 96 children, 1 50
grandchildren and 228 great-grandchildren,
none of whom visit him,
Said his youngest son, Leonid:
"He smells funny,"
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Mummenschanz,
Well, that's about all the time we have
- Oh, Kermit, my love,
I am so sorry about my
little temper tantrum,
Old buzzard-beak
was driving me crazy,
You drive me crazy, Miss Piggy,
You know something, Nasty Nose?
I'm going to send you on a
one-way trip to the geek farm,
Send me!
Pig power,
Well, the course of true
love never runs smooth,
But right now, let's have a warm
thank-you to our special guest stars,
Andres Bossard, Floriana
Frassetto and Bernie Schurch,
better known as the Mummenschanz,
Thank you,
Kermit, It's been great,
Say, you guys really
do work as a team,
We'll see you all next
time on The Muppet Show.
That was a funny show,
- Yes, it was,
I wonder if they meant it that way?