Cold open

Open on Bobo reading the paper.
Bobo Well, let's see what's happening on Wall Street. Ahh. Still a bear market, I see. Honey's moving slow, but salmon futures are going along swimmingly.
He looks up, notices the pun, and laughs.
Bobo Oh, boy. I crack myself up. I'm gonna have to start writing this stuff down. "Salmon futures…" (giggles)
Cindy walks up to him.
Cindy Excuse me. I'm looking for the Muppets Studio.
Bobo Yeah, lady, you and the IRS.
Cindy I'm a guest on the show and I need to know how to get into the studio.
Bobo Listen, lady, can't you see I—
He looks up at Cindy - a shimmering vision.
Cupid (DG) Aww, they didn't tell me it was gonna be a bear. Phil, bring out the heavy stuff! (floats away)
Cindy Are you okay?
Bobo Uh …
Cupid (DG) Man, I hate the recoil on this thing. It kicks like a …
He shoots Bobo with his crossbow. Little hearts fly above his head singing "I Want to Be Loved By You".
Bobo Say, uh, you guys know "Shake Your Booty"?
Cindy Excuse me?
Bobo I was just — talking to the butterflies around my head.
Cindy Okay, right. You do that, and I'm gonna go in there, okay? Bye-bye.
Bobo Bye-bye.
She gets on the elevator.
Seymour Oh, hello there. Step right in.
Kermit Oh, hi there, Bobo. Listen, is Cindy Crawford here yet?
Cindy Pretty.
Kermit Ahem … I'll take that as a yes.

Theme

Kermit opens the doors to the Muppet Theater.
Kermit It's Muppets Tonight, with our very special guest star, Cindy Crawford! YAAAYY!
He is immediately trampled by theater patrons. Clifford sings the theme song while wandering through the dressing room to the control room to the stage, as Jowls whistles. Clifford reaches the stage, goes to a wall and throws a switch which lights up the show's title.


Opening number

Open on the house band.
A.Ligator And now, here's the host of Muppets Tonight, C'lifford!
Clifford comes out to applause.
Clifford Ha ha ha ha! Yeah! Welcome, welcome! What's up? What's up? Yeah, yeah. Welcome to Muppets Tonight, the show that has people all over the country saying …
Switch to the nursing home.
Statler & Waldorf Where's the remote? (they look around)
Switch back to the show.
Clifford Our special guest tonight is, the super-duper supermodel, Cindy Crawford! (applause) Give it up. Give it up. But before we get to Cindy, here, straight from their two-week engagement under Carnegie Hall, are, The Irish Rodents!
The rats take the stage, which is decked with shamrock decor.
Rat singer (JN)

♪ When I was a young lad in old County Cork,
♪ My father said "Son, don't eat with a fork."

Rat singer (DM) ♪ No need to say thank you, no need to say please …
The tempo picks up. A chorus of cheeses join the rats.
Rat singer (JN) ♪ For a rat is a natr'l-born lover of cheese!
Cheeses ♪ Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese.
All

♪ Oh, there's Cheddar, Swiss, Muenster, Limburger, Jalisco,
♪ Telita, Ricotta, Havarti, Romano,
♪ American, Feta, Bleu, Colby-Jack, Provolone,
♪ Monterey Jack, Mozzarella and Brie!

A giant fondue vat is wheeled onstage. The rats begin catapulting the cheeses into it.
Rat 2 (JN) Cheese in the hole!
Clifford watches from the wings while Rizzo dances.
Clifford Man, this is stupid. Rats dancing to some corny jig with dairy products.
Rizzo Hey, hey, come on, Clifford. Don't be such a stick in the mud. Get in touch with your inner cheese! (laughs, dances)
Clifford Alright. (dances)
Rats

♪ Oh, there's Cheddar, Swiss, Muenster, Limburger, Jalisco,
♪ And Monterey Jack, Mozzarella and Brie!

Rat singer (JN) More cheese in the hole! (launches another wedge) Yeah!
Rats (parodying "Danny Boy" and "Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral")

♪ Oh, Camembert, the knives, the knives are carving …
♪ Mozzarella-rella … Mozzarella cheese!

Rat (DG) Here we go!
Rat 2 (JN) Cheese in the hole!
Rat singer (JN)

♪ Sure, there's one kind of cheese …
♪ Brings a rat to his knees …

Rats ♪ 'Tis the kind dear old Mum used to steal …
Rizzo (crying) Ain't that the truth? (blows nose on Clifford's dreadlocks)
Rat singer (JN) Grab your toes' points, boys, we're goin' skinny-dippin'!
The rats cheer and dive into the vat. Switch to the nursing home.
Waldorf Heh. You know, they're calling this show a runaway hit.
Statler Yeah. Whenever it comes on, you wanna run away.
They chuckle.

At the Bar

Mr. Callahan enters through the doors.
Polly Lobster ♪ If ya want my body, and — Oh! How ya doin', Mr. Callahan? The usual? No? Well, then try a little of this!
He slides over a glass. Mr. C drinks from it.
Polly Lobster (laughs) Tastes good, huh?
Mr. C lets out a loud, windy belch.
Polly Lobster (laughs) You liked that, huh? Oh, think nothing of it, Mr. C. You know, in the Middle East, a good burp is considered a compliment. And that particular compliment ought to hit Cairo right about now! (cracks up) Clueless? Yeah, he's in the back. I'll call him out. Clueless!
Light applause. Clueless doesn't show up.
Polly Lobster Uh … one second, Mr. C. (runs to the doorway) CLUELESS!
Applause as Clueless comes rushing out with a cricket bat.
Clueless Morgan Yeah, Polly, what can I — (notices applause) Oh, thank you! Heh heh heh. Oh! Mr. Callahan, you're wearing the violet contacts. Well, eat your heart out, Liz Taylor! (laughs)
Polly Lobster Uh, Clueless - uh, what's with the bat? Uh, you gonna play some cricket?
Clueless Morgan Not cricket. Horsefly. There's been a big one buzzing around me all day long.
Polly Lobster Really?
Clueless Morgan And the next time he lands, I'm gonna smash him into —
They notice the fly, and see it land on Mr. C's head.
Clueless Morgan Ooh.
Polly Lobster Whoa.
Clueless Morgan Don't move, Mr. Callahan.
WHACK!
Polly Lobster Oh, nice going, Clueless! You missed the fly and you cold-cocked Mr. Callahan!
Clueless Morgan Sorry.
Polly Lobster Would you just sing?
Clueless Morgan Alright. Paul?
Cue the piano.
Polly & Clueless

♪ Flies in the buttermilk, shoo fly shoo!
♪ Flies in the buttermilk, shoo fly shoo!

Clueless follows the fly again.
Polly Lobster

♪ Flies in the buttermilk, shoo fly shoo!
♪ Skip to my Lou, my darling!

Clueless Morgan Polly!
Polly Lobster Wh-wh-wh ..
Clueless Morgan I see him!
Polly Lobster What?
Clueless Morgan Hold still.
Polly Lobster What? Where?
Clueless whacks Polly. The fly keeps buzzing.
Clueless Morgan Oh! … Hold still, Clueless. (whacks himself, faints)

The Kermit the Frog Club

Clifford Here's a little piece of trivia for you. Did you know that our guest star, Cindy Crawford, got her start right here with the Muppets? (applause) Yeah! She was a regular on a very popular afternoon show I'm sure you all remember, called The Kermit the Frog Club. Uh, who remembers the show?
The audience stares, mouths agape.
Clifford Okay, so maybe you don't remember it. But we're gonna take a look at it anyway. Here's Cindy Crawford as one of the original Frogketeers!
A B&W clip is shown on the monitor.
Frogketeers

♪ Who's the president of our society that's here for you and me?
♪ K-E-R…

Kermit Are we having fun yet?
Frogketeers ♪ M-I-T…
Kermit That's a swell university.
Frogketeers

♪ F-R-O-O-G!
♪ Kermit Frog…

Kermit Where's the THE?
Frogketeers ♪ Kermit Frog…
Kermit Where's the THE?
Frogketeers ♪ Forever leave our throats expanding proud …
Kermit Alright, okay, that's enough! Frogketeer role call, croak out now!
Stu Stu!
Jennifer Jennifer!
Newt Newt!
Stu Stu!
Cindy Cindy.
Meathead Robbie!
Stu Stu!
M!D'Bolo M!D'Bolo!
Stu Stu!
Kermit Uh, that's enough, Stu. That's the fifth time you've called out your name tonight.
Stu Oh, I'm sorry! I can't help it! I have a short-term memory! ... Stu!
Kermit Uh, ahem, okay, everybody. Uh, today is Friday and what does that mean, huh?
Frogketeers It's pay day!
Kermit Well, yes, uh, but it's also "Get to Know Your Frogketeer" Day!
Frogketeers Oh. (murmuring)
Kermit So today, let's meet our newest Frogketeer, Cinderella Crawfordopolis!
The others cheer as she makes her way over to Kermit.
Cindy Hi, Kermit.
Kermit Hi there, Cindy. Why don't you tell us a little about yourself? For example, what are your hobbies?
Cindy Well, um, I like to dress up in really pretty clothes and walk up and down my driveway.
Kermit Uh, uh, what'd you like to do when you grow up?
Cindy The same thing, but get paid millions of dollars for it!
Kermit Ooh. Uh, ahem, well, uh, Cindy, just in case that doesn't happen to work out, uh, do you have any other ideas of what you'd like to do?
Cindy Well, I haven't really thought about it, but, um, it would be really neat, like, if I could have my own TV show and … maybe call it, like, House of Style or something like that. And it could be, like, on a music video station …
The other Frogketeers gape at her.
Cindy … then I could maybe segue-way it into, like, a movie career or something. And maybe even, like, my own contract with a cosmetics company. That would be really neat.
Toshiro Gee, I just wanna be a fireman.
Kermit Well, well, what an imagination, huh? Let's hear it for our own Cinderella Crawfordopolis!
He and the Frogketeers cheer.
Stu Stu!

Backstage

Bobo watches the show on TV.
Bobo Oh, Cindy. Even when you were 14, you were pretty. Just thinking about you makes me wanna … (turns to camera B) do a 60's retro montage fantasy!
Switch to a tie-dye limbo background. Bobo dances and sings the first verse of "I'm a Believer."
Mickey Dolenz Hey, Bobo, Bobo, man, you're ruining my song!
Bobo Whoa, how boss! Mickey Dolenz? What are you doing in my 60's retro montage fantasy?
Mickey Dolenz Paying off my 60's retro alimony!
They both laugh.
Bobo Hey, you wanna finish your song with me?
Mickey Dolenz Yeah, cool!
They continue the song. Fade back to the present.
Bobo ♪ I'm a believer …
The music fades out.
Bobo Yes. Yes, of course! I'm a believer. The Monkees. Oh, it's so clear to me now! I've got to find Cindy, and declare my eternal love for her! Oh! Oh — oh — (runs off)

Commercial

Open on a shot of the album on LP, cassette and CD.
A. Ligator Attention, Johnny Fiama fans! Now, for a limited time only, you can get Johnny's greatest hits on one album! You'll get "New York, New York"!
Fade to Johnny on a stage as a piano plays.
Johnny Oh, I'm sorry, is that my cue?
A. Ligator You'll also get "Hooked on a Feeling"!
The pianist plays it. Sal marches past Johnny.
Sal Ooga-chaka! Ooga-chaka! Ooga-chaka! Ooga-chaka!
Johnny ♪ I can't stop this feeling, deep inside … Sal? Sal!
Sal Yeah, Johnny?
Johnny What are you doing, Sal?
Sal I'm doing the ooga-chakas.
Johnny I understand you're ooga-chakaing, but you don't do it while I'm singing! You throw me off!
Sal Sorry, Johnny. (walks off)
Johnny ♪ …stop this feeling … oh, yes. (applause) Hello. I'm Johnny Fiama, with my associate, Sal.
Sal Hi.
Johnny And uh, we're very excited about this album. It's a real comer.
Sal Yeah, yeah, Johnny, you're gonna make loads of money on this one, just like on your other albums.
Johnny (mumbles) Not the money! Remember the tax audit thing?
Sal Oh, I forgot. Yeah, yeah — Johnny didn't make no money, on them albums!
Johnny Albums, yes, yes, any — anyway, this album is coming right from my heart, and I'd really love you all to buy it.
Sal Yeah, not just because Johnny's in debt, neither! Oh, and uh, San Diego Bob, if you're watching, stop hanging around Johnny's house! You're scaring his ma!
Johnny Hey, that is sweet, Sal.
The piano resumes.
A. Ligator You haven't heard anything, when you've heard "Johnny, We Hardly Heard Ya".
Sal (looks up) Who is that?
Switch to the product shot.
A. Ligator Miss a little, and you miss it all!

Backstage

Nigel Okay, alright, and we're coming out of commercial. Get ready to cue the porcupine hot-air balloon race. AND CUE!
The whistle sounds. A. Ligator sits in the booth, watching a monitor.
A. Ligator And they're off!
A pop and a hiss is heard.
A. Ligator Oh, one of 'em's down! (POP!) Oh, there's another one down! (POP-POP-POP!) Oh, what a disaster!
Meanwhile, Rizzo encounters Bobo making howling noises by the dressing room door.
Rizzo Uh, ahem — (taps Bobo) excuse me.
Bobo Yeah?
Rizzo What are you doing?
Bobo (whispers) Oh! I'm "haroonga"-ing. It's a bear mating ritual. I'm gonna ask Cindy out on a date. Yeah, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna win her heart with — with polecat oil, and uh, fish heads, and moss, ooh, and a funnel cake —
Rizzo Wait — wait a second. You're gonna ask Cindy Crawford out on a date? (laughs)
Bobo Cut it out.
Rizzo (continues laughing)
Bobo I'm warning you, cut it out.
Rizzo (continues laughing) THAT IS HY-STERICAL! (laughs)
Bobo swats him away. Rizzo crashes into the wall, continuing to laugh.
Bobo I happen to love her.
Transition to the 60's retro montage from earlier. Rizzo immediately shoves it away.
Rizzo Oh, no, I ain't sitting through that retro 60's malarkey again. Look, you want help, you ask me. I'm a regular Rudolph Vermintino. Watch this.
He dances to house music and sings a passage from "I'm Too Sexy". A gang of female rat groupies flock around him.
Bobo Wow. You are good. Well — can you help me?
Rizzo You betcha, bear, but who's watching the security desk for you?
Bobo Oh, don't you worry, don't you worry, I got that covered.
Switch to the security desk. Cupid polishes his crossbow. Johnny and Sal come off the elevator.
Johnny … two dozen cannolis, because Dominic Delvecchio's coming, and you know how he likes to eat.
Sal Uh huh, uh huh — OW!
Cupid accidentally shoots Sal.
Cupid (DG) Uh-oh!
The little hearts appear above Sal's head singing "I Want to Be Loved By You".
Sal You know, Johnny …
Johnny Yeah, kid?
Sal When the light hits you a certain way…
Johnny Mm-hm?
Sal … you look awful sharp!
Johnny Ah.
Sal Yeah, kinda — kinda pretty-like.
Johnny Excuse me?
Sal shrugs.

Bay of Pigswatch

The opening title sequence plays. A. Ligator reads the title cards.
A. Ligator Bay of Pigswatch. Starring David Hoggselhoff as Champ Schwimmer. Spamela Hamderson as Spamela. And Andy and Randy Pig as Donnie and Art C. Shell.
Champ, Andy and Randy stand at their post. Champ tries self-tanning.
Randy Artie, look at all the girls.
Andy Huh? Ooh…
Champ Ah, yes, what a day.
Randy Look, look, look —
A timer dings. Champ reveals eggs frying on the his tanner.
Champ Uh, Donnie, Artie? The eggs are ready.
Andy & Randy Ooh! Eggs, eggs, eggs! (they run to him)
Champ They're just like you like 'em, fellas — sunny side up.
Andy & Randy Eggs, eggs, eggs! — WHOA!
They bump into him and knock him over.
Champ Oh. Well, now they're over easy. Heh heh …
Randy No, they're over Artie.
Andy gets up, with the eggs covering his eyes.
Champ I guess the yolk's on him. (laughs)
Randy I don't get it.
They hear Spamela shriek.
Champ Ooh! Spamela. I'd know that mellifluous squeal anywhere! Come on, boys!
Randy 'Kay.
They approach Spamela. She takes off her towel, revealing her bikini.
Randy Oh —
Champ (hyperventilates)
Andy Hey - I wanna see —
Spamela Champ! What's wrong?
Champ I just — forgot what a — form-fitting uniform you have.
Andy and Randy nod.
Spamela A mean old jellyfish stung me!
Champ Oh! Well, then there's only one thing to do. The poison needs to be sucked out. I'll start at your lips.
Spamela But — he stung me on the foot!
Champ Hey. Who's the doctor here?
He embraces and kisses her. Meanwhile, Andy and Randy run around.
Andy Oooh!
Randy Champ, Champ, look what we found — a really weird beach ball.
They play catch with it.
Champ That's not a beach ball, you idiots! It's a World War II mine!
Andy It's a what?
Champ It's a mine! (runs over to them)
Randy No, it's-a mine.
Andy No, it's-a mine.
Champ No, it's a mine —
He catches it, then drops it. After a beat, it explodes. Spamela approaches the scene.
Spamela That just goes to show, a mine is a terrible thing to waste. (giggles)
As the theme music plays, they examine the remains.
A. Ligator Tune in again for another honey-glazed episode of Bay of Pigswatch.
Andy Which one?

Backstage

Bobo has an earpiece in his ear.
Rizzo Hello? Yes — testing, one two three. Testing.
Bobo Yes, gotcha. Gotcha.
Rizzo Alright. Now remember, if you want Cindy to fall in love with you —
Bobo Yes?
Rizzo — listen to your headset and repeat everything I say.
Bobo "Repeat everything I say."
Rizzo No, no, no, not yet.
Bobo "No, no, no, not yet."
Rizzo Oh, oh — cheese it, here she comes!
Bobo "Oh, oh — cheese it, here she comes!"
Rizzo SHHH!
Bobo "SHHH."
Rizzo runs into the supply closet. Cindy walks up to Bobo.
Rizzo Okay. Alright. (shuts the door)
Bobo Oh! Uh, oh, oh, oh, hi, hi. Hi, Cindy.
Cindy Hi.
Bobo Can I talk at you now?
Rizzo Cindy, to me you are like the nuts and berries of the forest.
Bobo Cindy, to me, a nut like you should be buried in the forest.
Cindy What exactly is that supposed to mean, Bobo?
Rizzo Oh, brother, you sure muffed that one, fatso.
Bobo "Oh, brother, you sure muffed that one, fatso."
Cindy Did you just call me fatso?
Bobo Yeah. NO! Uh — I was yelling at my ear.
Cindy You talk to butterflies, you're yelling in your ear …
Bobo Yeah. Uh —
Rizzo's family enters.
Rizzo's niece (DG) Oh! Hi, Uncle Rizzo. We just came back from the fair.
Rizzo Hey, that's a nice set of balloons you got there. Maybe you'll let me play with them later.
Bobo "Maybe you'll let me play with them later."
Cindy What??
She slaps Bobo; he punctures the door.
Bobo I wasn't supposed to say that one, was I?
Rizzo shakes his head.


Swift Wits

Applause.
Snookie Heyyy! Hello again, and welcome to Swift Wits, the fastest game show on TV. I'm your host, Snookie Blyer, and here are contestants Buster and Colfax Bergman.
Colfax Lithuania!
Buster Goat chips!
Snookie Uh — fellas, ha ha ha, we haven't started playing the game yet. Okay, you're playing for Winky, a happy little beaver.
A window opens to reveal Winky.
Snookie Okay, for every correct answer, Winky will get a nice chewy log for his dam! And by the by, the highly unlikely event that there are no correct answers, Winky will be eaten alive by our very own Carl the Big Mean Bunny!
Another window opens to reveal Carl.
Carl Hi.
Snookie Okay! Let's give our audience the answer.
Announcer The answer is "automobile".
Snookie Alrighty! You've got ten seconds. Here come the clues. You drive it on the road and it has …
Colfax The Blue Men of Morocco!
Buster Goat cheese!
Both Rutherford B. Hayes!
Snookie Fellas, fellas, listen to the clues! You put gas in it —
Colfax Shakespeare!
Buster Uh, June 7, 1951!
Snookie Will you numbskulls give me a chance?
The buzzer sounds and the "frown" face lights up.
Snookie Nice going! Sorry about that, Winky. Better luck next time. Oh — I guess there won't BE a next time.
Carl Thank you! Hahahaha!
He devours the beaver. The window shuts.
Buster Origami!
Colfax Gamal Abdel Nasser!
Snookie Oh, shut up.
Buster Tulips!
Colfax Bobby Riggs!
Buster Quantum physics!
Colfax Uh, rigor mortis!


Backstage

Nigel Alrighty, everyone, we're moving along, nicely, smoothly.
Johnny (panting) Hey, Nigel. Whoa, Nigel. Hey, Nigel. Hey. Do me a favor, huh? Sal's acting very very weird. Help me out.
Sal Hey Johnny!
Johnny Oh no, here he comes. Do something for me, would you? (runs off)
Sal Johnny! Hey Johnny, I got a pretty flower here! (to Nigel) Hi! (runs off) Johnny, come on!
Nigel Cue the next sketch in THREE TWO ONE CUE!!


The Eagle's Nest

Open on Sam, Andy and Randy sitting at a desk. The pigs butt heads with each other.
Sam the Eagle Good day.
He glares at the pigs, and they stop.
Sam the Eagle It is time now for politics and punditry from The Eagle's Nest. My guests tonight are messrs. Andy and Randy Pig.
Andy & Randy Messr messr messr messr messr messr!
Sam the Eagle (facepalms) Our topic is noise pollution. Andy Pig, how would you control noise pollution?
Andy By making it nice and quiet.
Sam the Eagle (gasp) I'm astonished that answer actually had something to do with the question.
Randy I know! We could put our fingers in our ears.
Andy Yeah. (they do so)
Sam the Eagle That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Andy Listen! Now it is much quieter.
Randy What?
Andy What?
Randy What?
Sam the Eagle Look, don't start that routine. Once that business gets going, there's no end to it.
Andy Huh?
Randy What? One sad Christmas you went bowling in Connecticut?
Sam the Eagle Well — yes I did, but — but that has nothing to do with what we're talking about.
Andy What?
Randy What?
Sam the Eagle (stammers) End this tomfoolery!
Andy What?
Sam the Eagle Ake a tingles trout for your spears.
Andy Take our fingers out of our ears?
Randy Okay. (they do so)
Sam the Eagle Works every time. Good night, everyone.
Andy What?
Randy What?
Andy What?
Randy What?

Backstage

Cindy finishes talking to two humanoid Muppets.
Woman (LCR) Oh, I know.
Man (JN) Yeah.
Cindy Yeah. (walks away)
Andy Ooh, oh, Cindy?
Randy Cindy! Cindy, hi! Hey, we have a question for YOU.
Cindy Okay.
Andy Uh, if you are a supermodel …
Randy What are your superpowers?
Andy Yeah.
Cindy Well, I can do this…
She zaps Randy with her eyes, making him disappear in a puff of smoke. She walks off.
Andy Wow! Cool! (follows her) Oh — Cindy! Do me! Do me, Cindy, please!


Closing number

Clifford Ladies and gentlemen, come with me now as we take you to an outdoor cafe in the heart of Barcelona, where Cindy Crawford and our own Kermit the Frog sing a very romantic duet.
Switch to the outdoor cafe. Kermit and Cindy are at a table as waiters pass them by.
Cindy Thank you.
Kermit Coffee?
Cindy Yes.
Kermit Oh, good.
He sits down. The two sing "I Remember It Well". Bobo, dressed as a waiter, appears behind a plant and interrupts them during the song.
Bobo Psst! Kermit?
Kermit Bobo, what are you doing?
Bobo I blew it with Cindy! … What should I do?
Kermit We're on the air. (continues singing)
Bobo Oh, I feel all fuzzy inside! I need some advice!
Kermit (continues singing)
Bobo Kermit?
Kermit Bobo, whenever there's someone I have special feelings for, I tell them how I feel, in my own words.
Bobo Isn't that kinda corny?
Kermit I'm a frog. We're not known for our edge. (continues singing)
Cindy Kermit, are we gonna do this number?
Bobo comes out of hiding and forcibly takes Kermit's place.
Kermit Oh, I'm sorry, Cindy, it's — oh, Bobo, not now!
Bobo Cindy,
Cindy Uh, yes, Bobo, could this wait, because I was in the middle of my song.
Bobo No. No, Cindy, it can't. Cindy — when there's someone I have special feelings for, I tell them how I feel, in— in my own words. And, well, even if those aren't my own words, I mean 'em.
Cindy What are you trying to say, Bobo?
Bobo … Well, what I'm trying to say is … HAROONGA! HAROONGA!
Cindy Oh, Bobo! HAROONGA! HAROONGA!
Bobo WHOA! Cindy! You know how to HAROONGA too? Oh, let's dance!
The two slide the table away and begin to tango. Cindy takes a rose from one of the band members and puts it in Bobo's teeth. She slaps him. The camera follows them as they tango backstage. Switch to the nursing home.
Statler Wow. Can you believe that bear won the heart of Cindy Crawford?
Waldorf Heh! Yeah, what a bunch of nonsense.
Statler But it's worth a try.
Waldorf Hmm. Hey, nurse!
Statler & Waldorf HAROONGA! HAROONGA! HAROONGA!
Two bears sit between them.
Male bear HAROONGA! HAROONGA!
Waldorf Well, this isn't exactly what I had in mind.
Statler No, but it'll do till the nurse gets here!
They all laugh. Meanwhile, Bobo and Cindy continue tangoing. Bobo sends her spinning through the control room and all the way back to him on the stage. She takes the rose from his teeth and puts it in her own. Applause.

Goodnights

Clifford comes onstage to applause.
Clifford (laughs) Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's our show for tonight. I'd like to thank our special guest star, Cindy Crawford! Yeah!
Applause as she comes out.
Clifford Give it up! Let's hear it for her! Yeah!
Cindy Thanks, Clifford. I had a fun time working with all of you guys tonight.
Stu Stu!
Cindy Except him.
Clifford Who are you?
Stu Oh, Stu.
Cindy Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
Stu What?
She zaps Stu with her eyes, making him disappear in a puff of smoke. Enter Bobo.
Bobo That's my Cindy! Let's bossanova, baby!
Cindy Alright!
They start dancing to bossanova music. The other Muppets join them.


Epilogue

Johnny talks to Cupid, who holds a giant sack.
Johnny Hey, this better do the job.
Cupid (DG) Relax, Johnny, it works every time. (flies up)
Johnny Uh huh.
Sal gets off the elevator.
Sal There you are, Johnny! I got a box of chocolates for ya.
Johnny NOW!!
Cupid drops the sack on Sal's head.
Johnny Uh, Sal?
Sal Yeah, Johnny?
Johnny You alright?
Sal Yeah, why?
Johnny (glances up) Oh, nothing, uh — what're you doing with those chocolates there?
Sal Where did these come from?? Are they yours, Johnny?
Johnny No, no! No, no. No. Let's uh, let's take 'em home to Mama, huh?
Sal Alright! Johnny Fiama's takin' his chocolates home to his ma!
Johnny (glances up) Thanks, pal. (struts off, laughing)
The credits roll.