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|Air Date||March 29, 1996|
|Written by||Dick Blasucci, Paul Flaherty, Darin Henry, Jim Lewis, Kirk Thatcher and Patric Verrone|
|Director||Greg V. Fera|
- Tales from the Vet - Fan Mail ("She Blinded Me with Science")
- The Rats' Patrol
- Gonzo and Rizzo's Incredible Discoveries
- Fairyland PD: Curds Away
- The Lunarmooners
- Johnny Fiama's restaurant set love song
- Carl the Big Mean Bagpipe Eater
- "Feelin' All Right" Sung by John
|As Andy and Randy Pig try changing a lightbulb, John Goodman explains to Clifford that during his off-time, he'd like to relax. Andy and Randy remove the lamp from the wall and almost electrocute themselves, until John saves them. They decide to thank him by being his personal slaves. As John and Clifford head down the hall, Andy and Randy play with the wires and the smell of bacon fills the area.|
|"Muppets Tonight Theme"|
| Clifford welcomes us the show that has everyone saying...|
"I don't get it!", a viewing family says to their TV. Their dog tries to explain the joke to them, but gives up.
|Tales from the Vet: Dr. Phil van Neuter hosts a special version of the show, where tonight, he'll be answering fan mail. Out of the thousands of letters the show receives, Phil only gets two, while the rest are for Mulch (despite the fact he can't read). The letter he reads asks him how he he met his wife, Composta Heap (who happens to be Mulch's sister). He flashes back to his college days at Stuffs University and sings "She Blinded Me with Science" while flirting with Composta.|
|The crew gets teary eyed at the sketch, until Nigel learns nothing's onstage and cues the announcer.|
|John, Rizzo and the other rats star in the drama, "The Rat's Patrol" while at war with some cheese. A piece of Swiss cheese tries to make peace and a confused rat, Indiana, is blown in half.|
|Andy and Randy approach John after the sketch and tell him about their new found loyalty to him. They demonstrate how helpful they are by "pressing" his suit, then present him with a grenade he left from the previous sketch. The grenade goes off and blows John into the ceiling.|
|Gonzo and Rizzo host "Gonzo and Rizzo's Incredible Discoveries". They discover that when you put your nose in an electric pencil sharpener, put electric eels in your pants and play catch with a wrecking ball, it hurts!|
|In the nursing home, Statler makes his own incredible discovery: when you watch this show, it hurts!|
| Fairyland PD: Curds Away|
Clifford and Bobo the Bear get a call from Little Miss Muffet, who complains about a spider harassing her and taking her curds and whey. They try fooling the spider by having Bobo disguise himself as Miss Muffet and clubbing him, but the spider dupes they each time, and Bobo ends up getting clobbered.
|Andy gives John a massage, using glue instead of oil (so he'll never have to style his hair again). Randy then brings in his suit, smoking with iron stains. He complains to Clifford and gets his hands stuck to his face.|
|While John fixes himself, Clifford presents a clip from a pilot John made with the Muppets: "The Lunarmooners". In a moon apartment complex, Alf (John) surprises his wife (Miss Piggy) with tickets for the Space Cadet's Ball he got from Newton (Fozzie Bear).|
|John plans to get the pigs off his back by having them "save" him from falling out the window. The pigs try throwing him a life preserver, i.e. the radiator his rope is strapped to. Clifford hopes to find John relaxing, but instead finds he has fallen out the window into a truck full of mouse traps (and a bear trap).|
|Kermit enters the control room to see what's up. Nigel rattles off everything that's gone wrong so far, and Kermit remarks how the slow the night seems to be. He then offers to introduce Johnny Fiama.|
|Johnny has Sal Minella pick a lovely lady from the studio audience to have dinner with him. The woman he chooses, Clarissa, refuses to eat the veal that has been prepared and listen to Johnny sing "Close to You." She storms offstage, so Sal eats her meal while Johnny sings to him.|
|Clifford tells Rizzo to put on another act while he checks on John. Bobo tries pitching his memory act, but, of course, can't remember anything about it. Instead, Rizzo puts on...|
|Carl, the Big Mean Bagpipe Eater, who swallows a set of bagpipes, then belches with the sound of them.|
|A doctor calms John, saying he shouldn't think about the two stupid pigs, who promptly appear. This is revealed to be a dream John is having. Clifford tells him he'll cancel his closing number because of his condition. However, John proves to him that he can go on when he begins singing "Feelin' All Right" with the doctors, Clifford, Andy, Randy and some other patients.|
|John returns himself to the set of Roseanne, only to find Andy and Randy work on the show now.|
- In the closing scene, where John is back on the set of his regular show Roseanne, the stagehand that welcomes him back to the show is played by Muppeteer Jerry Nelson.
- In the same scene, Andy and Randy show up to reveal that they work for Roseanne now. John is mortified, and the shrilling strings played to accentuate this, are a nod to Bernard Herrmann's classic Psycho score.
- This episode is production number 106.
- Kevin Clash as Clifford, Mulch, Composta Heap, Slug
- Steve Whitmire as Kermit the Frog, Andy Pig, Rizzo the Rat
- Dave Goelz as Randy Pig, Gonzo, Waldorf, Swiss Cheese
- Brian Henson as Dr. Phil van Neuter, Nigel, Sal Minella
- Jerry Nelson as Statler, Clarissa, A. Ligator, Indiana the Rat
- Frank Oz as Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear
- Bill Barretta as Johnny Fiama, Bobo the Bear, Big Mean Carl, Spider
- Kevin Carlson
- Leslie Carrara-Rudolph as Little Miss Muffet
- Thom Fountain
- Bruce Lanoil
- Len Levitt
- Drew Massey
- Joe Selph
- Allan Trautman
- Clifford, Andy and Randy Pig, Gonzo, Rizzo the Rat, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Nigel (Muppets Tonight), Dr. Phil van Neuter, Mulch, Composta Heap, Johnny Fiama, Sal Minella, Slug (Muppets Tonight), Clarissa, Kermit the Frog, Big Mean Carl, Bobo the Bear, A. Ligator, Inkspots, Indiana Rat, Swiss Cheese, Rats
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|Billy Crystal||Cindy Crawford|