"A Professional Pirate" is an original song written for the Muppets' fifth feature film Muppet Treasure Island.

The song is performed by Tim Curry and the Pirates, extolling the virtues of their chosen profession. After Polly Lobster, Clueless Morgan, and Mad Monty sing about the things they could have been instead (a surgeon, a lawyer, and a politician, respectively), Black Eyed Pea reveals that he "could have been a contender," referencing Marlon Brando's famous line from the film On the Waterfront.

Vocals are provided by Tim Curry, Dave Goelz, Steve Whitmire, Jerry Nelson, Kevin Clash, Bill Barretta, and composer Barry Mann.